Today was Matthew’s school field trip to the “The Farm,” an organic farm in Salinas, CA. It is an annual field trip the pre-school class takes every year and I’ve been lucky enough to join each of the kids on their trip. Even a decade ago, before Bella was in school, I went with a group of home schooling friends. (Can you tell we didn’t have cell phones then, so no selfies. I also didn’t realize how much heavier I was then!) I’m so grateful to have these one-on-one moments with my children doing something special with them.
Our trips to The Farm. 2015 with Matthew, 2014 with John-Paul, 2012 with Andrew and 2004 with Bella.
As I was riding on the bus with Matthew leaning on me and holding my hand tightly, I thought about that fact that this was most likely my last field trip here with a pre-schooler. Before Brian got cancer a couple years ago, we were thinking about having one more baby. On the one hand, I was feeling my age and family responsibilities but on the other hand I really wanted a sister for Bella! However, after Brian got sick, we had to be prudent, especially while he was going through chemo. The more we prayed about it, the more we felt like it was something we wanted but not necessarily what God wanted for us. A part of me had a hard time letting go of having another baby girl (or boy) and accepting that my last baby was most likely my last baby.
Thankfully, now I can say that instead of being regretful, I am filled with gratitude for my four blessings (plus two in heaven), especially when I consider that in between Bella and Andrew, we thought we’d never be able to conceive and carry to term a second child. Today I no longer feel that tug for a baby. I am truly at peace with our family and realize that God knew what was best for us especially when you factor in Brian’s parents and the help they now need from us.
It is not always easy to let go of our idea of what our life should look like, whether we want more kids or are dealing with a surprise pregnancy. Thankfully God is ready to give us all the grace we need to let go of the negative and worry and instead focus on the blessings of what is before us. For that, I am truly grateful.
PS – I’ll post more picture from The Farm tomorrow. Right now it’s late. 🙂
Electricity (When it is gone you realize how much you rely on it!)
Praying for..
The intentions of many friends.
Victims of the recent floods and fires.
Victims of abuse and domestic violence.
The conversion of hearts back to God.
All pregnant moms, those trying to get pregnant, those who have lost their babies and for moms contemplating an abortion.
The souls in purgatory, especially family, friend and those most forgotten.
Pondering…
My selfishness. Let’s face it, we are all selfish to some degree, some of us more than others. I know that I am especially guilty. I’ll admit that I really like helping people. I like making them smile and brightening their day BUT I have to want to do it or be in the mood to do it. I don’t like when my plans are interrupted or I have to stop what I am doing for the hundredth time to clean up spilled milk, wipe a dirty rear end, stop a fight or pick up meds for my in-laws. God gives me ample opportunity to chip away at that selfishness and to surrender my will to Him.
Yesterday, God must have been pouring out the grace on me because I was able to stop, drop and roll with the punches and without the usual grumbling and eye rolling. (The power of Confessional grace, baby!) However, by late afternoon I could feel myself being pushed to the limit and my impatience was bubbling up. I was thinking to myself, yeah, this Pollyanna trying to be grateful and looking on the bright side of things is starting to suck. I could feel my selfishness and “woe is me” attitude trying to claw its way back to the top. I had to remind myself to turn back to God…to utter a prayer for more grace in the midst of the noise. I had to squelch the desire to just yell and lose it. Thankfully, more grace came and I pulled through.
I sometimes wonder, is it always going to be this hard? But as I look back on my life I realize that I am at a place when it actually matters to me. I am actually working on it and trying to grow. That is a lot better than the days when I didn’t care. I will most likely always struggle as long as I am human but I’d like to think that I am making progress and and at least realizing the key to getting through – continuously relying on God’s grace.
~ 2 ~
Around the House…
I washed the breakfast dishes (although now that I think about it, I think I left last night’s dirty pan in the oven) and there’s a load of laundry washing so I’d call that progress. 😉
Family Chit Chat…
Yesterday Brian had his 3 month appointment with his oncologist to check his blood work. Everything checked out and was in the normal range (although I think his red blood count was on the lower side of normal so we can work on that) and his organs looked good so, for now, there are no signs of the cancer returning. He’ll go back in another 3 months for routine scans and if he passes those, he’ll be one year cancer free.I am so, so grateful that Brian is continuing to do well. Frankly, I can’t think about the cancer too much or I’ll start freaking out with the “what ifs.” We’ve just got to keep on moving forward and re-committing to do all we can to live healthy.
~ 3 ~
In the Kitchen…
Sunday – Whole wheat pasta, turkey meatballs and salad.
Wednesday – Pork Tenderloin, brown rice medley and green beans.
Thursday – Leftovers
Friday – Tuna Melts and broccoli.
Saturday – (Treat Night) Chipotles
~ 4 ~
Watching…
(At the Movies)
The other night I saw Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks. The reviews I read were raving and I was intrigued. I went into the movie wanting to love it and while I enjoyed it, it didn’t move me as much as I thought it would. To be complete honest I was feeling tired (and nearly 2 1/2 hours was pretty long for a movie) so that could have affected my judgment or maybe I was just not in the mood for a drama but it just didn’t grab me. That being said, the movie is still definitely worth watching and it made me want to read more about the time and the struggles of people living in East Berlin. It also made me wonder how I would act if I were in situations like the characters – the lawyer defending the spy, his wife, the pilot. It’s thought-provoking. Did you see the movie? Did you like it? What other movies have you seen lately?
(On Youtube)
The Star Wars trailer. Naturally. (I refuse to say Natch.)
There are too many posts to list since my last Daybook because I’ve posted every day this month for the #write31days challenge but here are some highlights…
I am half way through my #write31days challenge and this is just about the time my enthusiasm starts to wane and I don’t have time to write meaty posts. So instead of just skipping the day I thought it would be fun to celebrate National I Love Lucy Day! It was on this day in 1951 that I Love Lucy first premiered. Who would have known that it would be this popular so many decades later.
For me, Lucy brings me back to my youth. It fills me with memories of laughter and goofing around with my family. Watching a favorite episode is like comfort food for the soul. My family will quote lines of the show in everyday conversation – “I’ll be the tag-along Mertz,” OR “I’m feeling dauncy.” OR “She might be people, but she’d not like you and me,” to name a few.
It’s silly in the grand scheme of things but I love being able to think about all the memories these clips evoke. I love the fun we still have when we get together for holidays and watch an episode while eating dessert. It’s become a tradition. Now that I am older, I am able to share the same laughs with my own kids.
So for the gift of laughter, for the talent of the actors and those that made the show and for the memories they invoke, I am truly grateful. 🙂
I wanted to show you my Top 10 Lucy episodes but it was nearly impossible to narrow it down. So here are some of my favorites with many more left unlisted.
PPS – Want to own the I Love Lucy series on DVD so you can watch it any time? Use this affiliated link. (I get a small compensation that goes towards keeping the blog online. Thx! 🙂 )
I’m afraid I am going to have to cheat today. I think I have a stomach bug so I am not feeling well. So for today’s post, here is a quote from last year’s gratitude series. It’s still something worth remembering! (Please say a little prayer that I am better soon. Mamas don’t have time to be sick! Thanks!)
The 31 Day of Writing Challenge continues. It’s Day 21 of my 31 Days of Gratitude 2015.
Our trips to The Farm. 2015 with Matthew, 2014 with John-Paul, 2012 with Andrew and 2004 with Bella.
