The last few times I posted it was about my father-in-law’s passing and his funeral. My emotions were bittersweet and tear stained. Thankfully, today I am feeling nothing but gratitude and joy after a great weekend road trip.
My sister Bridgette and brother-in-law Mick (the one you were praying for when he was stationed in Afghanistan last year) are celebrating the upcoming birth of their first child. We decided that Bella and I would attend the baby shower and Brian would stay home with the little guys to have a father-sons bonding weekend. The boys were so excited. There were plans for sleeping bags on the floor, sports outside and snacks that mom normally wouldn’t allow. 😉
Bella and I were excited to have a mother daughter weekend and since we are the two Disneyland junkies of the family, we left a day early to spend Friday at Disneyland.
We were blessed to attend on a school day (we happened to be off) so the crowds were relatively thin and in the morning we hit all the major rides with less than a 5 minute wait time in each. (That’s a Disney miracle.) It was nice to do all the things we normally can’t with the younger boys.
We had a blast and kicked butt with our fitbit walking – 20,000 steps in a day!! That’s a record for me.
I would have lost some weight had I not counteracted it with yummy treats like this. 😉
By the end of the day I was so tired I could have cried but I had so much fun they would have been happy tears.
The rest of the weekend was spent with family and friends and it was just what I needed. I can only go so long until I need my familia fix – hugs from my parents and siblings and laughter all around. I was especially happy to spend time with my mom since she hasn’t been feeling well lately. (Please keep her health in your prayers.)
On Sunday we had Bridge and Mick’s baby shower. So fun!
Bella met her new little cousins Gracie (above) and Keith.
My sister Jacinta and her “mini me” Bella.
I was excited to get together with my sister Elena who flew in from Virginia. She is also a blogging buddy and is in the process of redoing her blog. Stay tuned!
The entire weekend was just what my heart needed but I was missing my big fella and three little guys. I was eager to get back home on Monday.
I drove into the driveway and saw Brian playing with the three boys. When they turned around and saw us the boys ran over to hug us. John-Paul even had tears in his eyes and I couldn’t help but tear up myself. It was so good to be home!
Life seems to go in waves of peaks and valleys. God blessed me with an incredible respite from all the heart ache but now it is back to reality and back to work. Hopefully I’ll also have more time to hang around here more often. 😉 Have a great week!
I want to take a moment to thank all the family and friends who send cards, emails, texts and messages of prayers, thoughts and condolences over the past few weeks. Many of you have been following us along on this journey for awhile, through my father-in-law’s illness and his passing, and have always been a source of support and comfort. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me and to my family.
It’s been a week since the funeral of my father-in-law (Bill) and it has given me some time to reflect on how his life touched those around him and the lessons he unknowingly taught me. I wanted to share a few of these thoughts with you.
My father-in-law Bill, me and newly baptized Baby Bella.
It’s Great to Be Loved
Sixteen years ago I met Bill when I flew 400 miles from my home to meet Brian’s parents for the first time. I was nervous and almost sick to my stomach but Bill’s warmth and friendliness won me over from the first moment.
After I married Brian I had a difficult time calling Bill “dad” because in my eyes there would never be another man who could take the place of my own daddy. I tried calling him by his first name (something he did not like) and then variations of dad – Pops, Papa, Father – but none of them fit. Finally, I settled on “dad” when I realized that although he would never take the place of my father in my heart, he had carved his own spot in my heart, allowing me to love him like a daughter.
It became a bit of a joke between me and my mother-in-law that I was Bill’s “sweetie.” My MIL would call me up and ask me to persuade dad to do something that was for his own good. If she asked him herself he would balk but if I asked he’d be much more willing to comply. We often did this to get dad to slow down and rest because he was always on the go. Resting became much easier for him if I had him sit with the kids and watch a DVD with them “so I could get some work done.”
I think part of the reason Bill loved me so much was because I gave him four grandchildren, something he never thought would happen while Brian was in the seminary. Luckily for him, that wasn’t Brian’s vocation. As a result, Bill received a daughter-in-law, his beloved granddaughter (who was the apple of his eye) and three lively grandsons that would carry on the family name.
Opa with Bella and Andrew. / Opa with John-Paul and Matthew.
Family Is Paramount
Family was everything to Bill and there was nothing he wouldn’t do to spend time with us or to help us out. It is an understatement to say that the kids were the joy of his life. He loved every minute he spent with them whether it was picking them up from school, attending their school functions, going for walks with them after school or watching a movie with them on the couch. They lit up his day and kept him young beyond his years. In turn, they had a close bond with him and loved their time with him. It wasn’t just the kids who received this special attention. He was always giving to Brian, myself, my mother-in-law and his sisters. He often told me that without family, nothing else mattered.
I Can Be Brave
Although my father-in-law had a gentle side to him, he was one of the most tenacious and determined men that I have ever known. Once something was in his head, nothing would stop him from accomplishing it. I remember when Brian and I were buying our first family car, Bill offered to negotiate the deal for us and we gladly accepted. The way he haggled with the salesman had Brian and me squirming uncomfortably in our seats. We were ready to give the salesman the few extra thousand dollars he wanted just to get out of there but Bill would not back down. After what seemed like an endless pulling and tugging the salesman finally relented and gave dad the price he wanted and the free extras he requested. It was a work of financial beauty. To this day whenever Brian or I have to deal with a situation that we want to avoid, I tell him that we need to channel our inner Opa and Get. It. Done.
Give with a Generous Heart
If there was one attribute that stood out the most in my father-in-law, it was his generosity. It was more than just being generous with his wallet, the man gave of himself. He lived Gospel charity. He was always there to lend a hand, do a favor and visit the lonely however tired or busy he might be. After his retirement, you would find him walking the halls of the local hospital or various nursing homes visiting the sick and bringing them communion. When friends or family were sick in the hospital he would be there to visit every, single day. He never wanted a person to feel alone or unloved. He was relentless in his service to the church and to the community, while never neglecting his own family. That is a rare feat.
Value Wisdom and a Broader View of the World
My father-in-law had a rich history of life. Coming to American from former Yugoslavia as a young man, serving in the army, building a new life in a new country, earning a Masters in political science, succeeding in business, raising a family and living nearly 90 years of life gave him wisdom and a broader view of the world than I could ever have. We didn’t always see eye to eye on politics or world events but he always gave me a better understanding of differing views and helped me to see the world beyond me with a more compassionate heart and wider worldview.
My Final Lesson
In the final year of life, after my father-in-law’s stroke, you would think that there was little left he could teach us. But I think his deepest lesson was saved for last. It was difficult for all of us to watch Dad decline physically and mentally. It wasn’t easy to explain to the kids why Opa could no longer go on hikes with them or play soccer in the driveway.
He was still able to love us and he taught us how to love back unconditionally without expecting anything in return. He taught us to look beyond the aging body and faltering mind to see the strength and beauty of his spirit, to recall the wisdom he gave us and to duplicate his generosity. We saw the dignity and value of just being by his side and holding his hand when no words were left to be spoken. He taught us how to love, how to let go and how to hope that we will see each other once again in the presence of God. Those are lessons that can never be taken away from me or my family.
It’s been nearly a month since I last posted and so much has been going on. I received a message the other day from a reader who said, “I’m a long time blog reader and the lack of posts had me concerned.” Then she found me on Instagram (which I usually always update) and she realized that my father-in-law had passed away since my last post and that’s why I haven’t been on the blog. But I finally have some time to myself this morning so I’d love to catch up with you. (And to that special reader who was concerned, a big hug and thank you.) 🙂
~ 1 ~
Grateful for…
A peaceful death for my FIL.
The countless support and prayers of family and friends.
The hope of salvation and eternal life.
Brian’s strength, courage, faith and love that runs through our entire family and keeps our eyes on God.
The sound of giggles and the brightness of the smiles on my children’s faces that can clear any gloom away.
Praying for..
The repose of the soul of my father-in-law.
My mother-in-law and family members that they find peace and comfort.
All those who have lost loved ones, especially for those struggling with depression because of it.
People suffering from violence – whether within their home or their community.
Victims of natural disasters, especially lately.
All pregnant moms (especially family members), those trying to get pregnant, those who have lost their babies and for moms contemplating an abortion.
The souls in purgatory, especially family, friend and those most forgotten.
For Brian’s doctor’s appointment that all goes well and he is still cancer free.
Pondering…
I’ve naturally have been thinking about my father-in-law. He lived such an interesting life. He’s seen war, lived in a refugee camp, immigrated to America as a young man, joined the Army, graduated with a masters in political science, fell in love and married, made his name in the business world, retired, became active in church ministry and lived to serve others. I’ve learned a lot from him in the 16 years that I’ve known him but I want to save those thoughts for a future post. Right now I am thinking about the last day I saw his eyes open.
It was a Wednesday and I stopped by the nursing home to visit with him. After his third stroke he was no longer able to speak but I chatted with him about the kids and Brian. At one point I felt like an idiot, not knowing if he even knew who I was or if he understood what I was saying. I was hoping that my voice wasn’t like an annoying buzz in his ear. He looked at me and smiled but there was no connection when our eyes met. He drifted off to sleep and I was going to leave but I thought I would stay just a few more minutes.
He woke back up and he looked at me and smiled but then he looked at me more intently and I saw it in his eyes, that glimmer. He smiled deeper and I saw the recognition. He knew it was me. I chatted a little and them he tried to talk to me. He grunted and tried to speak with emphasis but his words came out like gibberish. I listened then smiled and kissed his cheek and said, “I know, dad. That’s great.” He smiled back at me contently and I rubbed his shoulder until he dosed off again. Finally I kissed him good bye and let him sleep. I’d never see him open his eyes again.
Matthew holding Opa’s hand.
The next day Brian went to see his dad on his lunch break and the nurse said he was not doing well. He was asleep in bed and unresponsive. They could not get him to wake up to eat or drink. They told us that he’d most likely pass away in a day or two. Luckily the kids were off of school for Easter break so we all went over to the Center to sit with him, hold his hand and just be with him. Afterwards we said our final goodbyes to Opa and told him we loved him in case he passed away in the night while we were gone. I took the kids home and Brian stayed with my mother-in-law. Later he came home and my MIL stayed until the nurses told her to go home and get some sleep and they’d call her if anything happened.
The next morning Brian took the day off work and instead went to sit with Opa. He had a feeling today would be the day. He took the first shift to sit with Opa and then we’d meet him there after I fed the kids breakfast. Brian texted me and said Opa was just the same as yesterday. He was still sleeping and his heart rate was still low. While Brian was there he prayed for Opa and read to him the scripture about the Jesus’ resurrection. When he finished reading, Opa opened his eyes for the first time in two days. He stared off into the distance and then turned his head and looked at Brian. Then he closed his eyes and fell back asleep. Then he passed away. Brian said the whole room was filled with peace. Moments later I arrived with the kids. Brian told us that he just passed so we went in and kissed him goodbye again one last time. I took the kids back to the car so they would not have to see my MIL grieve over my FIL’s body. It was a piercing scene that leaves me in tears whenever I remember it.
The grief completely drained me but later I was able to feel relief that my FIL’s physical suffering was over. I am glad that his last days were filled with smiles and his eyes lighting up when he saw the kids. Even if he could not speak, we treasured the moments when we could see his joy in the simple pleasures of a kiss on the check or a picture the kids drew for him. He will always live on as we remember his loving smile, his tenacious spirit and his generous heart. Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord.
On Tuesday, the vigil of my FIL’s funeral, we said a rosary for him with family and friends. Thankfully I found this PDF from Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church that I adapted to hand out that evening.
The next day was the funeral. Earlier forecasts said possible rain but the day turned out to be gorgeous with hardly a cloud in the sky.
Opa loved a well dressed man so I made sure his three little men would make him proud in their new suits with their beautiful sister.
Brian giving the eulogy for his dad.
The funeral was achingly beautiful and bittersweet, filled with longing that Opa was still here with us but also thankful that he was released from his pain and in the God’s hands. We pray for him each day that his soul is at peace with God and we ask him each day to watch over us and pray for us. He is gone yet somehow, feels even closer to my heart.
~ 2 ~
Family Chit Chat…
Not all the family news has been sad, however. As the circle of life goes on, Matthew turned the big 5 last week!
We had a racing party for him.
And the boy with a thousand costumes loved his new racing outfit.
Meanwhile, his brother John-Paul lost his two front teeth.
On Saturday Brian and I celebrated the 16th anniversary of the day we met in person and had our first date. (We met online and wrote/ emailed/ called each other for 5 months first.) Life has been a little rocky lately but thank God it has brought us closer together and made us rely on each other more. When I am weak, he is strong and vice versa. Today (actually at this very minute) he has his routine testing and blood work to make sure there are no signs that the cancer may be coming back. It is always a little nerve wracking and writing this post (and praying under my breath) is helping me not to stress as I wait for his call. (UPDATE: I just got Brian’s call. His blood work and lymph nodes all look good. Praise God! 🙂 )
And as you may have noticed in the above picture, I now wear glasses (ah, the joys of getting older) and got a MUCH NEEDED haircut. I feel like I have been stress eating and letting myself go so I needed a boost to motivate me to eat healthier, get back to my walking and just feel better in general!
Lastly, yesterday we woke up in the wee hours of the morning to send Bella nearly 3,000 miles away on her week long class trip to Washington DC! (And other historical states/landmarks.) I miss my baby already but I tracked her flight on my iPhone so I knew when she was flying over each state and we have been sending texts and snapchats to one another to close the distance. 🙂
~ 3 ~
In the Kitchen…
I don’t know if the kids are on strike with bananas but I have a constant flow of overripe ones on the counter. Time for another batch of bread and banana oatmeal cookies.
~ 4 ~
Reading…
I’m currently reading…
I haven’t had much time to read but I only have two chapters left of the gripping…
ALSO, have you heard about the new project by Jullian Fellowes? (The creator of Downton Abbey.) He has written a novel but it will be released in 11 weekly installments. Austenprose.com explains:
Released in 11 weekly installments, each episode of Julian Fellowes’ Belgravia will conclude with twists, turns and cliff-hanger endings popularized by the novels of Dickens, Gaskell and Conan Doyle in the nineteenth century. Delivered directly to your cell phone, tablet or desktop via a brand new app, you can read the text or listen to the audio recording narrated by acclaimed British actress Juliet Stevenson, or jump between the two.
Each week a different blogger will be featured with reviews, insights and background info. It sounds really exciting. Get the rest of the details and more insight here.
The first installment was released on Thursday and I just downloaded it. I’m looking forward to reading/listening to it. 🙂
Watching…
(ON YOUTUBE)
The song “Uptown Funk” has been overdone BUT I think this classic movie/musical video version is my favorite so far. Love it.
And a close second would be this book lover parody. LOL.
(ON TV)
We only have two episodes left but I am hesitant to watch them because I don’t want it to end!!
Listening to …
I’ve been loving “In Your Arms” by Chef’Special. Part of it reminds me of saying goodbye to my FIL. Part of it reminds me of Brian and how much he strengthens me. I can’t thank God enough for my gem of a husband. Sigh.
~ 5 ~
[Insert the sound of crickets.] 😉
~ 6 ~
In the blogosphere…
There’s not much reading time but I’ve recently enjoyed (or have in my reading queue):
PPS – Disclaimer: “Revolution of Love.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.”
In other words, if you click on my affiliated links and make a purchase, I get a small compensation that goes towards keeping the blog online. Big hugs to those who click and help support the blog! xoxo 🙂
Hey guys, I took a little blogging break, not necessarily intentionally. It’s just the way life happened. Today is the first day when I have a few moments to myself to breath so time for a quick-ish update.
~ 1 ~
Grateful for…
This quiet morning when I can just stop and breathe.
My FIL being settled into a new place.
The laundry being almost caught up. (At least until the kids come home.)
The recent rain and the current spring weather.
For food to eat, running water and a house to live in.
Praying for..
Numerous friends (and their friends) who are going through heavy crosses.
A fruitful Holy Week and a last push to make the most of the days ahead.
People suffering from violence – whether within their home or their community.
People suffering from addiction and mental illness and their families.
All pregnant moms (especially family members), those trying to get pregnant, those who have lost their babies and for moms contemplating an abortion.
The souls in purgatory, especially family, friend and those most forgotten.
Pondering…
(See Family Chit Chat below.)
~ 2 ~
Around the House…
There’s lots of stuff like this…
And purging. I have been going through drawers and closets and trying to give away the things we aren’t using anymore. During the upcoming Easter break I hope to tackle the kids room for a thorough spring cleaning. Wish me luck. 😉
Family Chit Chat…
If you follow me on social media, you already know that last week my father-in-law was really sick. He had his third stroke, followed by pneumonia. He lost his ability to speak and he looked awful. I remember walking into his hospital room and he was staring out the window with tears rolling down his eyes. It broke my heart. We really thought this was it.
We talked to the kids about it and discussed with them that Opa’s body was getting really tired and might stop working and he’d die. We talked about burials and heaven and the after life. (Being Catholic, we’ve already had lots of discussions about heaven, the after life and the communion of saints so it was not new.) I explained to them that it would be super sad for us but when Opa went to be with Jesus he would be happy because his body would be strong again and he could walk and run just like the days when he used to play tennis and go on hikes with them. We were prepared to let him go and just did our best to cheer him up and be with him.
But my father-in-law has always been a spit fire who couldn’t keep still and he wasn’t ready to give up yet. His lungs healed and we were able to move him out of the hospital and into a 24/7 care center. The first day at the care center he looked weak and tired and could barely get out of bed without a lot of assistance. Two days later I brought the kids to see him and his room was empty. We found him in the activity room, dressed, sitting in a wheel chair and watching a tennis match on the big screen TV. His face lit up when he saw us and our jaws dropped. Was this the Opa who we were ready to bury? I guess it wasn’t his time to go!
If I’m honest, I have mixed emotions about all this. A part of me is happy and excited to see Opa’s smiles again. I am glad we have more time with him. But it also pains me to see his body so broken and beaten. It hurts not to hear his voice, to see his frustration or that distant – I-don’t-know-where-i-am look in his eyes. As much as I try to hold onto the good, I feel like I’ve been in this continual state of slow mourning ever since his first stroke a year ago.
But after seeing him in that wheelchair smiling at the kids it was the first time I felt at peace with his situation. I knew he was in a good place and they would make his final weeks/ months/ years more comfortable. In the meantime, Opa is teaching me how to slow down and be patient and generous with him, about how to trust and let go and let God be in charge. I wish these could be easy lessons and not hurt so much at times but thankfully God has been more than patient with me as I’m learning.
(My Holy Week Reading – Divine Mercy for Moms by Michele Faehnle and Emily Jaminet.)
Watching…
(ON TV)
Season 2 of Daredevil started on Friday and we’ve only seen two episodes so far. We’re still enjoying it although it seems grittier and more violent.
We also finally got around to watching the first episode of Poldark. We missed it when it first ran on PBS last year but heard lots of great things. Let’s just say that after one episode. I am officially hooked. 🙂
Did you watch The Passion: New Orleans? I’ve heard mixed reviews. I saw that it is on Hulu so I’ll probably check it out later this week.
(AT THE MOVIES)
I haven’t had the opportunity to go to the movies this last month but Brian told me that tomorrow I should get out of the house and go so I will. I’ll probably watch Divergent.
Listening to …
Since I gave up “regular music” on the weekdays during lent, I’ve been listening to praise music. I especially like Trust in You by Lauren Daigle.
On the weekend it is favorites like Cage the Elephant’s Mess Around.
~ 5 ~
Blogging has been slow lately but these have been my favorite posts of the year so far. 🙂
PPS – Disclaimer: “Revolution of Love.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.”
In other words, if you click on my affiliated links and make a purchase, I get a small compensation that goes towards keeping the blog online. Big hugs to those who click and help support the blog! xoxo 🙂
I’m sorry I never got to post a recap on the finale, which I loved. My father-in-law (who had a stroke last year) has been sick and has taken a turn for the worse so I’ve been preoccupied. However, I’ve spent all morning praying and controlling the tears and I have to pick up kids from school in twenty minutes and need a quick diversion. This is my diversion. I don’t have time for a recap so I’ll just post a few comments.
The Downton finale ended just as I wanted it to… with smiles and laughs and story lines wrapped up in a nice neat bow, no matter how contrived it may have seemed. I loved that our formerly poor Edith finally got her happy ending. I love that Bertie got a taste of life without Edith and it made him realize that his life was not complete without her by his side. I love that Edith refused to get married under a cloud of deceit, having learned the hard way about not telling the truth, and faced her future mother-in-law with the whole story of Marigold. Brave girl! I am sure the drama would have been played up if the show was not ending in less than two hours. Instead things worked out and Edith was able to marry Bertie with a clean conscience and a heart bursting with love. Swoon.
After all the anger I had for Mary last week, I was more than pleased to see her behavior this week. Matthew was able to bring out a softer side of Mary but Henry was able to bring out a better side in Mary that we didn’t even knew was in there. I love than she made reparation with Edith by bringing her and Bertie together again. I love the tenderness she displayed towards Henry and the sisterly, not so much affection…but respect she shared with Edith, especially when she withheld her joyous news so she wouldn’t steal Edith’s thunder. Classy, Mary. I loved the motherly glow she displayed with the news of her little one growing inside her. I loved the way she had no qualms about her husband being a car salesman or the way she helped Anna undress and give birth to her baby in her room and in her bed. Bravo, Mary.
Anna and Bates! We have suffered with them and shaken our fists at Mr. Fellowes over their story lines but tonight we were able to see them both smile and rejoice at the birth of their bundle of joy. It’s about time.
It wouldn’t have been a true Downton episode unless Granny saved the day! I don’t know what I enjoyed more – Violet fighting for her best friend against the likes of obnoxious Larry and his gold digging wife or hearing Violet giggle as she read Spratt’s article, leaving the pain-in-the-arse Denker speechless.
Like Bertie, when Isobel faced the prospect of losing someone special in her life, she realized how much she loved Lord Merton and it sparked the crusader in her ready to fight for the man she loved, with Violet as her wing man. 😉
And there was so many other smiles:
Mr. Molesley leaving to be a teacher.
The business venture and bromance of Tom and Henry.
Thomas turning away from the dark side and embracing the force of goodness as the new butler.
Carson being able to stay at Downton despite his illness.
Robert’s appreciation of Cora’s work.
Daisy finally coming to her sense and seeing what a treasure of a man Andy is. (Not to mention getting a chic modern hairdo.)
Daisy’s joining Mr. Mason at the Farm with (presumed) Andy to eventually follow.
The tender looks between Mr. Mason and my second fave character after Granny – Mrs. Patmore. As Granny said, “It’s good to be in love, whatever the age.”
Like Tom, I hate good byes. But I am thankful for the lovely six years we’ve had with the Crawley clan…
You were more than just characters on a show. You became a small part of my life as I cheered, cried and laughed with you. Thanks for all the memories. On tedious mornings filled with laundry and dishes, I will be sure to pop you into the bluray player and relive the memories once again.
And thanks to you all for joining me for the ride. 🙂
What was your favorite happy moment? What will you watch next?
The last few times I posted it was about my father-in-law’s passing and his funeral. My emotions were bittersweet and tear stained. Thankfully, today I am feeling nothing but gratitude and joy after a great weekend road trip.
Bella and I were excited to have a mother daughter weekend and since we are the two Disneyland junkies of the family, we left a day early to spend Friday at Disneyland.
We were blessed to attend on a school day (we happened to be off) so the crowds were relatively thin and in the morning we hit all the major rides with less than a 5 minute wait time in each. (That’s a Disney miracle.) It was nice to do all the things we normally can’t with the younger boys.
We had a blast and kicked butt with our fitbit walking – 20,000 steps in a day!! That’s a record for me.
I would have lost some weight had I not counteracted it with yummy treats like this. 😉
By the end of the day I was so tired I could have cried but I had so much fun they would have been happy tears.
On Sunday we had Bridge and Mick’s baby shower. So fun!
Bella met her new little cousins Gracie (above) and Keith.
My sister Jacinta and her “mini me” Bella.
I was excited to get together with my sister Elena who flew in from Virginia. She is also a blogging buddy and is in the process of redoing her blog. Stay tuned!
I drove into the driveway and saw Brian playing with the three boys. When they turned around and saw us the boys ran over to hug us. John-Paul even had tears in his eyes and I couldn’t help but tear up myself. It was so good to be home!
