Hey guys. I feel like I haven’t posted in ages. We had a great time in Lake Tahoe and I was not online much and that spoiled me. We’ve been home for a couple days but I still haven’t touched my computer . However, I thought it was time to get back into it, at least a little bit. Last night I went to go see the move Begin Again and it got me thinking about music. Then I saw that Jen asked us to share the theme songs of our life. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I love music and I always have mental soundtracks that accompany the memories of my life. So here are my Top 10 theme songs that hold meaning to my life.
~ 1 ~
The Childhood Years
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
When we were growing up, my parents liked to listen to the oldies station that played a lot of motown. I remember my mom telling me this was one of her favorite songs. I like this one because it seems to represent my parents early years of marriage. Barely 20 years old (or so) they had rough childhoods and their own demons to fight. Being the oldest, I best remember the early years and the troubles they faced. God was not an active part of their lives then and you could see the effect. They struggled. But as the song says…
Listen, baby
Ain’t no mountain high
Ain’t no valley low
Ain’t no river wide enough, baby
If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
Just call my name
I’ll be there in a hurry
You don’t have to worry
God was always there beckoning them, calling them, ready to fly to their sides if they called out to Him. Thankfully, they did. God’s grace healed their relationship, healed the issues they were facing and breathed new life into our family. God became the center and we slowly learned to live for Him. As the years passed and more babies came (eventually 9 kids) mom and dad’s love grew even stronger. There was no valley low enough to keep them apart from one another. After 45 years of marriage, they are going as strong as ever… still loving and still feisty. They are a living example of how God’s grace can completely transform a life.
~ 2 ~
The Teen Years (TIED)
Love Song by The Cure
Suedehead by Morrissey
You get two songs for the price of one because I had a ridiculously difficult time narrowing it down to one song since there were numerous tracks dominating my headphones. Runner ups were The Smith’s Ask, New Order’s True Faith, Depeche Mode’s Policy of Truth and Psychedelic Furs’ Heartbreak Beat. Back then these songs were the soundtrack of driving around So Cal. Now they are the playlist I use to scrub toilets, do laundry and wash countless dishes. My how times have changed. 😉
~ 3 ~
Young Adult – The Dark Years
Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails
The song itself is not really bad but the memories that come with it are not good. They conjure up the years I fell away from God and into sin.
~ 4 ~
Young Adult – The Reversion Years
Confession by John Michael Talbot
I think the lyrics say it all. (I started crying again just posting it here.)
I see a struggle now within
Alive in my soul
As I’m dying to sin
I do the things that I hate
So I hate what I do
Who will deliver me?
But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ
For there is no condemnation at all
This is the message we have heard
We have seen with our eyes
We have touched with our hands
The Word of life appeared
The Word became flesh
The Word dwelt among us
The Word of life
The God of light
And in Him there is no darkness at all
If we claim to have fellowship with Him
Yet we walk in the dark
We live in a lie
If we claim to be without sin
We deceive ourselves
The Word is not within us
If we confess our sins and cry out to God
He will forgive and purify our human hearts
For those who are in Jesus Christ
He has given us of the Spirit of God
I see a struggle now within
Alive in my soul
As I’m dying to sin
~ 5 ~
Young Adult – The Discernment Years
Dreams by the Cranberries
As the song says…
Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.
My 20’s held the most changes in my life. After my reversion and coming back to God, He completely changed my heart. I then contemplated a religious vocation. It was very difficult for me because my dream was to always be a mom one day and to give that up was almost more than I could bear. However, I knew that I owed everything to God and if this is what he wanted of me, than I would follow. Like Abraham, God only wanted my willingness to sacrifice my Isaac. In the end, I realized I was called to the vocation of marriage. This song represents those years of waiting and yearning for The One. I never thought my dreams could be so completely fulfilled until I met Brian. He was everything I dreamed of and then some.
~ 6 ~
The Dating/Long Distance Relationship Year
Return to Me by Dean Martin
What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
I was finally married to the man of my dreams. Need I say more?
~ 8 ~
The Motherhood Years
Hey Mama by Mat Kearney
Motherhood did not come easily for me. After we were married it took us a year to conceive Bella. The next six years brought us secondary infertility and two babies lost in miscarriage. Thankfully, we found out about The Creighton Model of NFP along with a great NFP teacher and doctor who helped us figure out the problem and a solution. The result? Three bouncing bambinos within the next six year span. God is good.
This song fills me with nothing but good memories because we listen to it all the time as we are driving in the car or when I am cooking dinner and they are “breakdancing” on the kitchen floor as they yell, “Hey mama! Look at me.” Happy sigh. “I’m looking, sweetie. I’m looking.”
~ 9 ~
The Cancer Years
Hold You Up – Shane Harper
I’ve posted this song on the blog before but it still means a lot to me. Here is a portion of the lyrics:
When it’s coming apart, you had it all.
It wasn’t enough. No, it’s not enough.
They tell you it’s not worth the price, so just let it go.
But you know you can’t. You know you won’t.
It’s not easy, no.
Finding the words to say.
When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold.
At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home.
The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know.
But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up.
They’re gonna hold you up.
They see the fear in your eyes, heart sinks like a stone.
‘Cause when you’re afraid, it weighs on your soul.
It’s not easy, no.
Finding the words to say.
When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold.
At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home.
The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know.
But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up.
They’re gonna hold you up.
They’re gonna hold you up.
They’re gonna hold you up…
* * *
I love the lyric “The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up.”
When I am feeling overwhelmed and am stressing out I am tempted to lose it, I can give into my weakness and the negativity in my head and allow the demons to steal what I know – that God is with me. That he is strongest when I am weakest and He can accomplish amazing things. If I am docile in the hands of God and surrender to him in the little things, as well as the big things, He will hold me up and carry me through. That is especially timely these days. 😉
~ 10~
Modern Day
Pompeii by Bastille
The current soundtrack of my life is the entire Bad Blood album by Bastille. I’m addicted to every song but the one that touches me the most right now is “Pompeii.” When we found out that Brian’s cancer came back in January, I felt just like this…
And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Great clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above
But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You’ve been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
Our life has been turned upside down with his cancer, but there are moments when we are lost in our love and we forget what we are battling. It has brought us closer together and with only one chemo cycle left, I am optimistic about our future.
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