bella’s world | Revolution of Love

This post was made years back but it is just as heart felt today.

When I was younger I used to always wonder why people would ask “Where were you when Kennedy died?” I didn’t get what the big deal was. Now when someone asks me “Where were you on 9/11?” I understand perfectly what they were talking about. On 9/11 I was no where near NY. I was living in Pacific Grove, CA with Brian. I was almost 8 months pregnant with Bella. I woke up to kiss Brian goodbye for work and he told me I had better check the news because he saw online that there was news of a terrorist attack.
When I turned on the TV, I first thought a single terrorist flew his own plane into the Twin Towers. Then a realized a regular commercial flight with innocent people on board were made into human bombs. And not just one flight – many of them. I kept thinking that the Twin Tower workers probably never saw it coming but the people on the plane were aware and watching it unfold. I was dumbstruck until all I could do was sob. (Even now its hard to hold back the tears when I think about it.) I don’t think I ever got off the couch that day as I watched and cried. Brian came home and eventually made me turn off the TV so I’d stop thinking about it.
I remember at one point someone told me that it was a shame that I was bringing a baby into a world such as this. For a moment I thought she was right but as I came to my senses I thought – no! This child of mine is a sign of hope! It is a breathe of joy and peace in the midst of evil and darkness.
Two weeks later Bella was born a month premature. (I always wondered if my stress at that time had something to do with it.) Weighing only 3lb, 12 oz she was tiny but had a feisty, fighting spirit and came out fine. My beautiful little Isabella Rose Marie. She was my proof that no matter how troubling things may look or how small and insignificant we may feel, with God, you can find a purpose, a means, and always hope.

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

– 1 –

It’s been nearly eight years since I’ve had this blog and it is about time I do some maintenance on it! I’ve been going through old posts and deleting all the ones with dead links and updating the others with tags. It’s amazing going back and reading where I was so many years ago. It’s a great walk down memory lane.

– 2 –

I also added LinkWithin. However, as the system is getting used to my blog, it is suggesting posts with dead links that have since been deleted. So I apologize if you click on a page that won’t open. Hopefully I’ll get the bugs worked out soon.

– 3 –

Speaking of memory lane, this morning/afternoon we were at Bella’s school for Grandparents Day. There’s a special Mass, a class visit and then each class does a little presentation. It is so funny to see Bella and her friends and how much they’ve grown. They are getting out of that little kid stage and getting closer to tweens. I remember when they were in kindergarten doing their little songs up there and now they are 4th graders making their presentations. Time goes too fast!

– 4 –

To prove it, here is a shot of Bella in kindergarten…

…and Bella today.

– 5, 6, & 7 –

I don’t know if I want to get into this, but since it has been on my mind a lot, Quick Take # 5-7 are rolled into one. (TMI Alert: skip this take if you don’t want to read about fertility, cycles and sex, or lack of it.)

I was talking to my NFP teacher last night. She has been helping Brian and I get through a rough patch in our NFP charting. She told me to let her know how things are going in the next couple weeks and then jokingly said that maybe she could tell by the tone of my blog…but probably not seems it is usually pretty upbeat or positive or whatever the exact word was that she used. I’ve been thinking about that. The last time I wrote about NFP was a couple years after Brian and I were married. Since then I’ve had a love-hate relationship with NFP. When my cycle is “normal,” it is great but when it’s not, it’s a lot tougher.

After Matthew was born my cycle has been really crazy which has required a lot of abstinence…for weeks….and weeks…and weeks with no end in sight. I’m really struggling with being faithful to the church’s teaching and having to die to myself again and again. Normally, I would not mention something so personal and private in a public place especially since it doesn’t just involve me. (But if you are reading this now, then Brian gave me the okay to post this.)

I decided to mention this topic because over the summer Danielle Bean wrote Five Ways I Don’t Love NFP and shared about her concerns and Jennifer Fulwiler gave her take in Bad at NFP and Proud. Their words were encouraging to me and I discussed the topics they brought up with Brian. They gave us that little boost we needed to hang in there and know that there are others who love God, love their Catholic faith and are trying to be open to new life yet are struggling with some of the challenges of NFP. So if by chance you are one of those people struggling, hang in there. We’re in this together. I’ll say a prayer for you. Please say a prayer for me.

Later I’ll write a longer post about what I’ve learned about NFP over the years and what I do love about it. But right now, I am not in the right frame of mind because the only title I can think of is “NFP Sucks, but I’m Using It Anyway.” 😉

(UPDATE: Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. It is days later and although we are still waiting, God’s grace has increased and we are resolved to wait it out as best as we can. We are praying that it draws us closer to God and to each other in the end. I have to remember the motto I use during the difficult newborn months, “And this too shall pass.”)

Okay, that’s it for this week. Have a great weekend!