Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.
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Walking Zombie – It’s Friday morning and I have my little block of morning time to use the computer and write my Quick Takes post but I am feeling like a zombie right now. Matthew went to bed sort of early last night (8 PM) and he decided to wake up at 2 AM ready for playtime. I couldn’t get him to quietly go back to sleep so I brought him to the family room before he woke up everyone else. We watched random TV for over an hour. I finally got back to sleep around 4 AM and the 6:30 AM alarm came way too soon. So my mind is in a fog and if I don’t make a lot of sense, forgive me.
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Golf & God’s Creation – This weekend is the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro Am Golf Tournament so the Monterey Peninsula will be super busy. That means only one thing for us – we’ll most likely not leave our house except to go to Mass. Lol. Well, we may not be that extreme but we’d rather wait for the crowds to die down. I am glad that we supposed to have nice weather because I always want the people visiting here to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. Not that you can’t do that when it is cold and foggy but some of the scenery here is simply breathtaking at that sunny blue sky is the icing on the cake.
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Peace be with you, Mr. James – Brian said that people were buzzing at Pebble Beach because they like to get a glimpse at the stars that come out to play the tournament. The closest I’ve come to seeing a star here was a couple years back when Kevin James sat in front of me at Mass. I remember how he came in a little late and there was an open seat in the pew in front of me. There was a couple sitting at the end of the pew and I don’ know if they were oblivious or just rude because he tried to slip in quietly passed them but they didn’t lift up the kneeler to make it easier for him. The poor guy stumbled and tried to work his way to his seat (he’s not exactly a tiny guy) and finally made it. I had a hard time concentrating at Mass because all I kept thinking about was him in that movie Mall Cop. During the sign of peace I wanted to say, “Peace be with you, Mr. James. Oh and by the way, I think you are such a funny comedic actor…” but I refrained. (He’s lucky I didn’t have my iphone then or I would have snapped a photo of him and posted it on the blog. 😉 Hmm…is that why my mom sometimes calls me “Bobbi aka TMZ?”) Anyway, I will say that I couldn’t help but notice that after receiving Communion that he knelt down and closed his eyes and looked really deep in prayer. I did the same and said a little prayer for him as well.
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Dogs vs. Babies – It’s funny but someone reading this may be thinking that I am so lucky because I live in a gorgeous town with celebrities eager to play golf where Brian works, etc. Yes, I am extremely blessed but there are also crosses in living here. I think the biggest cross is living in a town that bends over backwards to pamper your pooch (doggy spa anyone?) but will give you dirty looks because you dare have more than your 1.2 kids quota. I remember one time we were taking a walk downtown with the kids and I saw another couple pushing a baby stroller. You hardly see babies here so I was excited to pass them and say hi. However, as we got closer and heard a few people commenting on their “little precious” I felt sick to my stomach that it was a dog, not a baby. I tried not to be judgmental. Maybe they wanted kids but can’t have any. Brian and I are blessed to have fixed our infertility problems and to now have four lovely children. Sometimes I just wish more people would see it as a blessing and not something to belittle, judge or be rude about.
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For This Chica, Nothing Says Love Like Sweet Bread – I was looking at the calendar and noticed that Valentine’s in on Tuesday already. I don’t know why I was thinking I still had a whole week, not just a couple of days. I guess that means that the east coast cousins will get their Valentine’s cards late, again. (Sorry, EL!) Brian and I don’t have anything special planned since it is a school night and we already had a wonderful date night last Friday. We’ll most likely pray the little ones fall asleep early (But not too early. Those 2AM playdates suck.) and then watch a movie or one of our DVR’d shows. Hmm, maybe I should make him a special dessert… Yes, he has a big sweet tooth. Actually, as I’m typing this I’m thinking I should get him some pan dulce (Mexican sweet bread) and make him some Mexican chocolate. That would be a special treat since we don’t get it very often and he loves it. Perfect!
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Rachel Rocks. Again. – Speaking of love and Valentine’s day, Rachel Balducci at Testosterhome.net has a wonderful post Keep the Love Alive. In fact, I love it so much I’m going to repost it as my last Quick Take. Read. Enjoy. Then go give your hubby a big kiss. 😉
Keep the Love Alive
This is my weekly column for the Southern Cross, which is something I originally wrote over at Faith and Family Live.
Here’s an aside: I feel funny writing about marriage. All I can do is write from my own experience and pray that inspires or encourages someone. But I totally understand that the list I included below is not a one-size-fits-all. There might be a marriage where the wife does everything, the husband does nothing around the house and I’m not suggesting that you just ignore that fact. That all depends on a million other details — if you feel like things need to change, for instance, it’s perfectly healthy and acceptable to address this situation.
S
o please, if there are areas of your marriage that need attention and help, please don’t think for a minute I’m saying you should just work harder and it will all fix itself.
See? It’s tricky writing about this stuff — every single marriage is different and works in different ways. But prayer — that really is a universal factor we can all utilize to our benefit!
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and that’s got me thinking about love. Love is in the air! Chocolates, roses, red wine and crab dip. (That last one might be specific to us?).
But what really keeps the love alive? Flowers and candy are all well and good but a happy marriage they do not make. Yes, they add an extra spark, but no amount of ornamentals can make up for a good foundation–and if you don’t have that, the little extras will do very little to help.
In my experience, in my reading and talking and listening about what makes the very best marriages–and in reflecting on the best tools Paul and I have come across–here are my recommendations for what will get you far in your marriage, what will bring you true happiness and love to last a lifetime.
• Quit thinking about how you could improve as a couple. This might sound counter-intuitive, but let me tell you from experience that always looking at the ways your marriage could be closer to your ideal will get you nowhere fast. Yes we want to improve and be the best we can be. But when we’re always looking at how other “ideal” couples operate, we only become more aware of our flaws and (worse!) of our spouse’s shortcomings.
• On that note, Don’t Compare. Don’t look at the great job your best friend’s man does of taking out the trash, especially if that’s something your own husband isn’t quick to do. Trust me, for every two really amazing things her husband does, your own husband has at least that many good qualities–but most likely in totally different areas. Stop finding fault and start finding favor.
• Respect your husband. A few years ago I heard a talk by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs, based on his book Love and Respect. The book spells out a very basic premise: men want to be respected, women want to be loved. This revolutionized our marriage. Too long had I been giving my husband all kinds of helpful “tips” and “advice” on a variety on topics, only to end each conversation with “I love you baby.” What a husband would rather hear is “I respect you” and oftentimes the best way we can do this is to be supportive and encouraging. Thank your man for how hard he works for your family. Don’t tell him how he could do better.
• Don’t keep score. Don’t keep track. Today you grocery shopped and cleaned the house and took care of the kids and did homework with them and trained them and took care of the dog. What did your husband do? Well, it doesn’t matter. Maybe he did ten times more. Or ten times less. The minute you start keeping track of who did what, things are going downhill. Give until it hurts. And then give a little more. The key to a happy marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100 percent ON YOUR PART. And not worrying about how much your spouse is giving. If every married person woke up each morning and asked himself (or herself) “what can I do to make my spouse’s life better today?” can you imagine what a wonderful world it would be?
• Pray together. Even if it’s three minutes, holding hands as you fall asleep, spend time as a couple in prayer. If your spouse isn’t comfortable praying with you, then pray for your spouse. Prayer and personal holiness is at the heart of so much good in every situation. Pray for patience. Pray for more love. Pray for the ability to love your spouse extravagantly.
While these tips might not be the full solution for every marriage, they can do a world of good for those of us who can too easily get sucked into the dangerous self-centered seasons of keeping score. Don’t do it! The person who suffers the most is YOU.
Dying to self is the best way to keep the love alive.
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Well, for being so tired I guess I had more to say than I thought. Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful weekend!!
xoxo,
B.
