Elena and her husband Vinnie were expecting baby #6, a little girl they named Joan Iris. Yesterday (7/11/14) Elena went into labor but the unimaginable happened. Little Joan died within the comfort of her mama’s womb. Words cannot express the shock and sorrow we all experienced knowing that Elena and Vinnie were asked to carry this cross.
However, I am heartened to know that Joan’s short life has touched the hearts of family, friends and even strangers on Facebook who have joined in prayer for Elena, Vinnie and their children Edith, Frank, Greta, Harriet and Ike.
My heart goes out to my sister and I desperately wish I could fly the 3,000 miles to be with Elena and Vinnie so I can give them a hug or watch their kids or make them a meal but I can’t. In the meantime, I was talking to my mom and she told me that she and my dad are trying to get enough money together to go see Elena and attend the funeral. However, last minute tickets from CA to VA are not cheap. Then it clicked, if I can’t do all those things for Elena, I can send my parents to help them instead. I know when I had my first miscarriage, I desperately longed to cry in my mother’s arms, even if only for a few moments.
I have had a number of Elena’s friends ask me what they can do for Elena and Vinnie. Here are two suggestions.
In Lieu of Flowers…
Knowing how practical my sister is, I can safely assume she’d give up a house filled with flowers for a simple bouquet delivered in person by our mom and dad. With that in mind, I have set up a donate button for family and friends to give to the Joan Iris fund. Money will be used to buy tickets and also to help cover the funeral cost.
Spiritual Bouquet/ Memorial Book
I would also like to put together a small memorial book/spiritual bouquet for Elena and Vinnie. The book will have a list of prayers being offered for the family. (ie. a Mass, rosary, holy hour, day of sacrifice, or a simple “I’m praying for you” etc.) Secondly, I will also have a section of the book with personal messages from family and friends. Just email your message to me and I will add it to the book. (If you are donating through the pay pal button, you can leave it in the message section.) It can be one sentence with your name or a personal letter. Whatever, you’d like. It will be a physical reminder that although we are far away, we love them and unite our thoughts and prayers with them.
Whether you’ve prayed for them or donated physically or spiritually, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know it means a lot to Elena and Vinnie to have so much love and support during this difficult time.
UPDATE: It hasn’t even been 24 hours and already an extremely generous group of friends have donated two plane tickets for my parents to fly out to VA to attend the funeral and spend a week with her and the family. All further donations will help to cover the cost of funeral expenses. Thank you so, so much!! 🙂
UPDATE #2: Elena posted this message on Facebook. Thank you for your continued prayers and help.
When tragedy struck after being consoled by my husband there was nothing I wanted more than to receive a hug from my parents and to have them here for the funeral. After looking over ticket prices, I assumed that wouldn’t be the case. Then I was told through the generosity of friends, my parents would be here Tuesday. The tears flowed, however, this time it wasn’t due to sorrow, but at being overcome by the love of those around us. The words “Thank You” do not seem like enough. Know from the bottom of my heart what this means to me and our family and know that you will always be in our prayers. Also, those who have sent us words of encouragement, please know that we read everyone of them and are thankful for them even if we do not respond personally to them. I am blessed to know that our little Joan Iris touched the lives of so many people.
Hey guys. I feel like I haven’t posted in ages. We had a great time in Lake Tahoe and I was not online much and that spoiled me. We’ve been home for a couple days but I still haven’t touched my computer . However, I thought it was time to get back into it, at least a little bit. Last night I went to go see the move Begin Again and it got me thinking about music. Then I saw that Jen asked us to share the theme songs of our life. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I love music and I always have mental soundtracks that accompany the memories of my life. So here are my Top 10 theme songs that hold meaning to my life.
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
When we were growing up, my parents liked to listen to the oldies station that played a lot of motown. I remember my mom telling me this was one of her favorite songs. I like this one because it seems to represent my parents early years of marriage. Barely 20 years old (or so) they had rough childhoods and their own demons to fight. Being the oldest, I best remember the early years and the troubles they faced. God was not an active part of their lives then and you could see the effect. They struggled. But as the song says…
Listen, baby Ain’t no mountain high Ain’t no valley low Ain’t no river wide enough, baby
If you need me, call me No matter where you are No matter how far Just call my name I’ll be there in a hurry You don’t have to worry
God was always there beckoning them, calling them, ready to fly to their sides if they called out to Him. Thankfully, they did. God’s grace healed their relationship, healed the issues they were facing and breathed new life into our family. God became the center and we slowly learned to live for Him. As the years passed and more babies came (eventually 9 kids) mom and dad’s love grew even stronger. There was no valley low enough to keep them apart from one another. After 45 years of marriage, they are going as strong as ever… still loving and still feisty. They are a living example of how God’s grace can completely transform a life.
~ 2 ~ The Teen Years (TIED)
Love Song by The Cure
Suedehead by Morrissey
You get two songs for the price of one because I had a ridiculously difficult time narrowing it down to one song since there were numerous tracks dominating my headphones. Runner ups were The Smith’s Ask, New Order’s True Faith, Depeche Mode’s Policy of Truth and Psychedelic Furs’ Heartbreak Beat. Back then these songs were the soundtrack of driving around So Cal. Now they are the playlist I use to scrub toilets, do laundry and wash countless dishes. My how times have changed. 😉
~ 3 ~
Young Adult – The Dark Years
Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails
The song itself is not really bad but the memories that come with it are not good. They conjure up the years I fell away from God and into sin.
~ 4 ~ Young Adult – The Reversion Years
Confession by John Michael Talbot
I think the lyrics say it all. (I started crying again just posting it here.)
I see a struggle now within Alive in my soul As I’m dying to sin I do the things that I hate So I hate what I do Who will deliver me? But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ For there is no condemnation at all
This is the message we have heard We have seen with our eyes We have touched with our hands The Word of life appeared The Word became flesh The Word dwelt among us The Word of life The God of light And in Him there is no darkness at all If we claim to have fellowship with Him Yet we walk in the dark We live in a lie If we claim to be without sin We deceive ourselves The Word is not within us If we confess our sins and cry out to God He will forgive and purify our human hearts For those who are in Jesus Christ He has given us of the Spirit of God
I see a struggle now within Alive in my soul As I’m dying to sin
~ 5 ~
Young Adult – The Discernment Years
Dreams by the Cranberries
As the song says…
Oh, my life is changing everyday, In every possible way. And oh, my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems, Never quite as it seems.
My 20’s held the most changes in my life. After my reversion and coming back to God, He completely changed my heart. I then contemplated a religious vocation. It was very difficult for me because my dream was to always be a mom one day and to give that up was almost more than I could bear. However, I knew that I owed everything to God and if this is what he wanted of me, than I would follow. Like Abraham, God only wanted my willingness to sacrifice my Isaac. In the end, I realized I was called to the vocation of marriage. This song represents those years of waiting and yearning for The One. I never thought my dreams could be so completely fulfilled until I met Brian. He was everything I dreamed of and then some.
~ 6 ~
The Dating/Long Distance Relationship Year
Return to Me by Dean Martin
Brian and I met online in November of 1998. We met in person in April of 1999. We were engaged a few months later. Up until one week before the wedding at the end of that year, we were separated by 400 miles. It was very difficult, to say the least. Brian sent me a cassette (remember those?!) of a Dean Martin album with special emphasis on this song. 🙂
~ 7 ~
The Honeymoon Years
What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
I was finally married to the man of my dreams. Need I say more?
~ 8 ~
The Motherhood Years
Hey Mama by Mat Kearney
Motherhood did not come easily for me. After we were married it took us a year to conceive Bella. The next six years brought us secondary infertility and two babies lost in miscarriage. Thankfully, we found out about The Creighton Model of NFP along with a great NFP teacher and doctor who helped us figure out the problem and a solution. The result? Three bouncing bambinos within the next six year span. God is good.
This song fills me with nothing but good memories because we listen to it all the time as we are driving in the car or when I am cooking dinner and they are “breakdancing” on the kitchen floor as they yell, “Hey mama! Look at me.” Happy sigh. “I’m looking, sweetie. I’m looking.”
~ 9 ~
The Cancer Years
Hold You Up – Shane Harper
I’ve posted this song on the blog before but it still means a lot to me. Here is a portion of the lyrics:
When it’s coming apart, you had it all. It wasn’t enough. No, it’s not enough. They tell you it’s not worth the price, so just let it go. But you know you can’t. You know you won’t.
It’s not easy, no. Finding the words to say. When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up.
They see the fear in your eyes, heart sinks like a stone. ‘Cause when you’re afraid, it weighs on your soul.
It’s not easy, no. Finding the words to say. When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up…
* * *
I love the lyric “The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up.”
When I am feeling overwhelmed and am stressing out I am tempted to lose it, I can give into my weakness and the negativity in my head and allow the demons to steal what I know – that God is with me. That he is strongest when I am weakest and He can accomplish amazing things. If I am docile in the hands of God and surrender to him in the little things, as well as the big things, He will hold me up and carry me through. That is especially timely these days. 😉
~ 10~
Modern Day
Pompeii by Bastille
The current soundtrack of my life is the entire Bad Blood album by Bastille. I’m addicted to every song but the one that touches me the most right now is “Pompeii.” When we found out that Brian’s cancer came back in January, I felt just like this…
And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Great clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above
But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You’ve been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
Our life has been turned upside down with his cancer, but there are moments when we are lost in our love and we forget what we are battling. It has brought us closer together and with only one chemo cycle left, I am optimistic about our future.
NOTE – If you are looking for today’s Pinterest Party post, I am a day late on everything so it’ll be up by late tonight or tomorrow morning. 😉
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Kendra at Catholic All Yearalways has fun link-ups. You know I am a sucker for link-ups and I could use a few minutes of blogging fun so I’m here to play along. These “about me” posts may seem a bit narcissistic but I personally love reading other bloggers’ answers because it gives me more insight into people I consider long distance friends. 🙂 Anyway, for those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile, you can just skip this post since you’ve probably heard it all before. I don’t want this to happen…
(Yeah, even the meme is a repeat.) Well, for the newbies here who want to waste ten minutes or their lives that they’ll never get back, carry on. 😉
1. Where do you live? And why do you live there?
I’m a native Californian and grew up in So Cal. In my late 20’s I met Brian online and we long distance dated with 400 miles between us. In fact, the anniversary of our first in-person date is next week on 4/16. 🙂 After we got married I moved to the Monterey Peninsula in Central California and I’ve been happily living here for 14 1/2 years.
* * *
2. What are you currently watching and/or reading?
We are re-watching Season 1 of Bletchley Circle (which is on Netflix) to ready ourselves for the start of Season 2 on Sunday (4/13/14) on PBS. (Disclaimer – The main characters are trying to solve murders by a serial killer that also violates his victims. It is not graphic but the aftermath of the crime is present.)
We are watching this video of Spiderman and his baby mini me over and over and over again. Matthew is obsessed with it. I don’t know what is funnier, the actual video or Matthew dancing along in his Spiderman costume (and Incredible Hulk physique.) 😉
.* * *
3. What kind of Catholic are you: cradle, or convert? (Or considering?)
I was born Catholic and went to Catholic school although my family didn’t start practicing the faith until I was a tween. I was close to God then but fell away in my early 20’s. When I was at my lowest I had a reversionback to the faith, contemplated a religious vocation, then realized I was called to be a wife and mother. My conversion continues slowly each day.
* * *
4. Can you point to one moment or experience that made you a practicing Catholic? (Or want to be?)
See #3.
* * *
5. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Let’s see…I have 1 walking shoes, 1 converse, 2 dressier shoes, and about 6 flats in various colors so I’d say 10. I don’t wear them as much as I used to but I still love my converse and buy them for the kids too. 🙂
* * *
6. Are you a good dancer?
Only when no one is looking. 😉
* * *
7. Who usually drives, you or your husband?
90% of the time the hubs drives. On road trips, he’ll drive the first half while I sit with the kids, unless I have to keep turning around to help them. In that case we need to switch ASAP because I get car sick if I move around too much. Otherwise, I’ll wait and drive the second half, especially when we are going to So Cal since he hates driving in LA and I’m used to it.
* * *
8. What’s your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it?
Thanksgiving because it is the beginning of the holiday season. It’s a tradition to spend the week of Thanksgiving with my family. We spend a couple days at Disneyland with all the Christmas decor then we head to my parents for a few days to celebrate the holidays and enjoy each others company. I think I love this time even more than Christmas. 🙂
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9. Which is correct? Left or right?
Definitely the left. I remember as a kid, every time I went to my great-grandma’s house I’d switch her toilet paper roll around because she always had it in wrong. 😉
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10. Do you have any scars?
Well, I have a crooked finger with a broken nail. When I was in pre-school a kid and I were looking at a bike that was upside down with the wheels turned up. The kid spun the wheel around while my hand was on it and my finger got caught and bent on a spoke. It’s been messed up ever since. It’s also the reason I never where nail polish, because of the one wonky nail. Go figure.
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11. What’s the most famous thing you’ve ever done?
(L to R) a.) poem in my journal, b.) “evasion” on the song list in back of CD, c.) page from “handmaid” newsletter/zine, d.) album cover
Hmmm, nothing really. Well, unless you count the time years and years ago after my reversion, I got into the local alternative Christian music scene. I put together a zine about faith and music and poetry. I interviewed one of my favorite hardcore/punkish bands at the time and they asked if they could use one of my poems as lyrics to a song. I was ecstatic. Although I pictured my words being sung by a female singer strumming a guitar, having four awesome hardcore guys yelling into the mic while I took photos onstage was just as cool to me. Sigh, that was a long, long time ago. These days I feel hardcore when I blast the music in my mini van on the way to Target. LOL 😉
If you didn’t get enough you can read my other Leibster/Questionnaire posts –
F –Cauliflower Lentil Taco Salad (This is a new recipe. If it comes out okay, I’ll post it on the next Pinterest Party. If doesn’t turn out, I have tuna as a back up.) ;-))
S – Homemade Veggie Pizza & Greek Salad
S – Crock Pot Balsamic Chicken with brown rice and roasted asparagus. (Another new recipe. I’ll let you know how it goes.)
Praying…
For Brian’s chemo and continued recovery from cancer.
For all those who are fighting cancer and other illnesses.
For the women participating in the Restore Workshop, especially those with heavy crosses.
For myself, that I never take for granted all the blessings in my life and that I always turn to God first when the going gets tough.
For those who are far from God and most in need of his mercy.
For some special intentions.
At the Cancer Center.
On the homefront……
Since many have been asking how Brian is doing, here’s an update.
[For those of you who are new here, this is some background info. In Dec of 2012 Brian found out that he had colon cancer. He went through surgery and had the cancer removed. A year later he went to his routine testing and found that the cancer returned and spread to 1 1/4 of his lymph nodes. In January 2014, Brian went through surgery again to remove the colon cancer. In February, Brian had a port surgically placed in his chest in prep for chemo. This Monday (3/24/14), Brian started chemo to remove the cancer in his lymph nodes. His schedule is to go in for chemo on Monday then for two weeks he take chemo pills. The third week he has off with no meds. The following Monday he started the cycle all over again. He will do this for six rounds of chemo. He should be done with everything in mid-July.]
The first week of chemo was tough. Brian is still getting used to the side effects and illness. Each person is different but common side effects for the type of chemo he is getting is nausea, numbness in the hands and feet (they have to keep a close eye on that side effect since damage can be long lasting), aversion to cold (for a few days after his port chemo) he can’t eat, drink or touch anything cold and general pain and achiness all over.
On Friday I was really getting worried about him. He was not only hurting but seemed so down. I felt helpless and wished I could take away his pain. He went into work for a few hours and I took a few minutes to say my morning prayer. My thoughts were full of Brian when I opened up my laptop to read the Restoreprayer prompts. The thought for the day was timely. It said:
“Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or to remove it. He came to fill it with his presence.” –Paul Claudel
I prayed for Brian that he would be given strength to endure the months ahead. If I can’t take away his pain, I can at least pray for him to get through it. Afterwards I read the “Act” of the day. It said:
“Can you think of a cross your husband is carrying? Even some small chore that is usually his? Carry it with him today. Smile and wink at him, too.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Who said God doesn’t have a sense of humor. But it did give me an idea of how I could help Brian. I did what I could to make the home a little more comfortable for him. Things like – clearing off his desk area of the piles of folded clothes and Star Wars toys that landed there, wipe down his bathroom (a job he usually did), I made his favorite veggies to go with dinner and took care of his one cleaning pet peeve (an unvacuumed family room.) When he got home I kept the kids quiet (relatively speaking) so he could lay down and rest. It made me feel better just to do something.
On Saturday morning, I woke up and heard the kids talking to Brian in the family room. He let me sleep in as long as I wanted. (Even with cancer, he rocks.) Thankfully, he was feeling a little better and not hurting as much. His doctor said his body would develop a pattern and as time goes by he will know which days will be easier and which days will be tougher and he can adjust his schedule/activities accordingly. I took advantage of his feeling better and rented a movie he wanted to see that night and made a special dessert. (Baked whole wheat chocolate donuts. I’ll post that recipe too!) We had our own date night after the kids went to sleep. (That was part of my “wink”. ;-)) It was great…a little breathe of fresh air after a rough week. So yeah, we are hanging in there and appreciate all your prayers!
Around the house…
Legos, Star Wars toys, Legos, Thomas the Train engines, Legos, Disney Cars characters, and did I mention Legos?
I heard this song on the radio the other day and it really touched me. When I went to download it on iTunes I was surprised to find out that the artist was Shane Harper who played Spencer on “Good Luck, Charlie.” I don’t know if his new movie God Is Not Dead is any good but I do know I love the song from it. 😉
Here are the lyrics.
“Hold You Up”
When it’s coming apart, you had it all. It wasn’t enough. No, it’s not enough. They tell you it’s not worth the price, so just let it go. But you know you can’t. You know you won’t.
It’s not easy, no. Finding the words to say. When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up.
They see the fear in your eyes, heart sinks like a stone. ‘Cause when you’re afraid, it weighs on your soul.
It’s not easy, no. Finding the words to say. When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up.
It’s not easy, no. Finding the words to say. When you’re feeling lost, you’ll find your way.
The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. At nighttimes you can’t feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up. They’re gonna hold you up.
When the timing is right, somehow you’ll know. When nobody stands, stand on your own.
Thinking about…
I love the lyric “The demons will harm you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up.”
When I am feeling overwhelmed and am stressing out I am tempted to lose it. I can give into my weakness and the negativity in my head and allow the demons to steal what I know – that God is with me. That he is strongest when I am weakest and He can accomplish amazing things. If I am docile in the hands of God and surrender to him in the little things, as well as the big things, He will hold me up and carry me through. That is especially timely these days. 😉
Watching…
Saturday we watched the season finale of When Calls the Heart (Aw!) and last night we watched the season finale of The Walking Dead (Ack!). I recorded the premiere of Season 3 of Call the Midwife for later this week along withThe Blacklist, Father Brown, Grimm, some Hitchcock movies and some old episodes of Veronica Mars.
On the blog…
I have a number of posts in my Draft folder but I’m not sure how much free time I’ll have this week!
Bella sitting next to me in the car, showing me her painted polka dot nails. 🙂
The usual, although is Brian is feeling okay on Saturday, Bella and I are scheduled for a mom and daughter date to the movies. (Even if it means having to sit through a Muppets movie.) Honestly, my favorite time is when we are driving in the car to and from. I ask her questions about her life and she opens up and shares things with me. I think the simple act of sitting side by side but not facing each other helps her to open up to me more.
Captured…
I love how after a rain the sky is a gorgeous blue with big puffy clouds. Here’s the view from our deck yesterday with today’s scripture of the day in the Restore Workshop.
Today is Day 3 of my participation in Jen’s 7 Posts in 7 Days Challenge and I am rethinking my decision to participate because right now I am exhausted and I am too tired to think. LOL. There is a rain storm outside and we are thanking God for it since this is only the third time we have gotten rain all winter. I forgot what it sounded like to have the rain pounding and the wind shake the windows. On nights like this Brian always wants to watch a mystery for movie night so I am sure he will want to tonight too.
Speaking of my sweet man, today Brian had his outpatient surgery to put a port in his chest for his chemo treatments, which start March 10th. (If you are squeamish or afraid of needles this may be TMI.) Basically, the port is small medical device inserted beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein and it is used to inject the chemo or draw blood. It looks like this. Just picture it under the skin.
Thankfully the whole process only took about 3 hours and he was back home resting by late this afternoon. After the procedure I helped him get dressed and as I was kneeling on the floor putting on his socks and shoes for him, I looked up at him and he smiled at me and my heart was filled with love. I know I am selfish and I complain a lot and I get bent out of shape when things don’t go my way, but in that moment, I was happy to be on the floor helping him dress. It was my little way of telling him that I loved him and that I appreciated all the love he gives to me and the kids. And that we value every moment that he is here with us. Yeah, a lot to say over a pair of socks but the grace must have been flowing. 😉
This whole fight with cancer is something that we never wanted. However, in the last month there have been emotional and spiritual things revealed to us – as individuals and as a couple that have brought us closer to God and closer to each other. I know Brian has been through a lot this past month and physically the cancer had weakened him and made him sick, but he has fought bravely and grown stronger physically and spiritually. When I was talking to him this morning before his surgery he was joking around with me and I saw a look of happiness and playfulness that had been missing for awhile. I can see God working in him and I pray and hope and trust that God will continue to strengthen Brian and heal him.
But isn’t that how God so often works. Something terrible happens and suffering is endured but when we trust in God, we allow him to do amazing things. He can take the ugly and make something beautiful. He can lift us up off the floor and help us to walk once again. He can take our weakness and make us strong. He can take our doubt and replace it with faith. He can perform miracles. It is not easy since it requires us to first kiss the cross but with it comes the embrace of the resurrection.
Once again, thanks for the continued prayers. Please keep them coming. Brian is ready to watch that mystery movie so time to sign off. 🙂
