12) Mash-Up: Preggers Boom, Words of Love & Target-aholics

By bobbi
October 12, 2012
No Comments

~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

AND

Time for a Friday evening {pretty, happy, funny, real} / 7 Quick Takes Mash-up/ & fave Instagrams of the week.

– 1 –

{happy}

It’s Beginning to Feel A Lot Like… – We’ve had our first rain of the season this week and it was wonderful! It has become tradition that once the first rain comes I listen to Christmas music and drink a cup of hot chocolate in anticipation of the holidays to come. I love it!

– 2 –

{pretty}

Blue Heaven – The day after the storm the sky was so pretty as the clouds moved out and the sun broke through the freshly washed land.

– 3 –

Biological Clock Ticking? – I’ve got baby on the brain. No, no, I am not expecting, and frankly, Brian and I believe this may be the end. Of course, one can never say never with God. But I have been thinking about it more. Normally, when I talk to people (not other Catholic families who already have a lot of kids but acquaintances or strangers) they are surprised that we have four kids and tell me how my hands must be full, blah, blah, blah, blah. (Bella and I say this often in Hotel Transylvania style. 😉 The other day we met a woman we know from church. She is a retired pediatrician and had 5 kids of her own. After we chatted, she said she was happy that we had 5 children…I corrected her and told her we only had 4. No worries! She said we should have another baby because we are such a wonderful, holy family etc. I smiled because to this sweet grandma, anyone under 45 was still considered young, despite my bones that creak in the morning and the new wrinkles and dark circles I’m finding under my eyes.
A few days later we had our carpets cleaned by a great local company and the guy, who I am assuming was about our age, was asking about our kids and if we were going to have any more. When we said we weren’t sure but didn’t think so, he said we were still young and should have another! He had eight of his own and said it was hard work but worth it. I told Brian if one more person tells us we should have another baby we may have to pray about whether or not God is trying to tell us something. LOL

– 4 –

Baby Boom – I may also have baby on the brain because there is a preggers boom in blogging land! Now, of course whenever you get a group of practicing Catholic mamas together, you are bound to have a number of overlapping pregnancies but it seems like every week another blogger (or two) is announcing the blessing of a little one growing in them. By the way, that reminds me to offer congratulations to Jen, Hallie, Jenna, and the recently announced Dawn. (I could also add Betty and Karianna but they are either farther along or on the home stretch.) Okay, who’s next? (And stop looking at me.)

– 5 –

{funny}

Touché – In the meantime, my little climber Matthew continues to scale the furniture. It has become a game to him. His latest is to climb up on the TV stand and sit in front of the screen. Literally. Usually he then calls, “Mama!!!” and when I walk in he either laughs and say, “Ge Dow” (get down) or he shakes his finger at me and says, “No, no, no.”

Although on this day Pocoyo came on the screen and he was too absorbed to repeat to me all the things I usually tell him.

That look says, “You know, Mama, if you were really mad at me you’d stop taking photos and laughing about it on your blog.”

– 6 –

Mother of the Zombie Apocalypse – There is nothing sweeter than hearing your kids say their prayers. There is often also a touch of humor as they are still getting the correct wording down. The other day Andrew was praying the Hail Mary and I just caught the end which sounded more like dialogue in a zombie movie…”Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for our innards now and we are deaf.”

– 7 –

He Sounds Like Buckwheat from Little Rascals – In the past, since Andrew and John-Paul were both speech delayed (and A. having borderline apraxia) I would long to hear them say the words “I love you.” The other evening as I was kissing them goodnight Andrew said, “I love you, Mommy” and John-Paul echoed “I lub you, mama!” I was moved to tears. As I kissed them and told them to have sweet dreams I got JP’s signature, “Otay, mama!”

– BONUS TAKE 8 –

{real}

Like Mother, Like Son – Speaking of John-Paul, he is usually my shopping buddy but I think I created a bit of a shopping monster. Everyday this week when I took him to school, as I turned off the highway to go towards his school he would yell from the backseat, “No, no! Go Target!” Every day. This morning he was off from school and I told him he had to get dressed so we could run errands. He exclaimed, “Go Target, Mama!” Yes, we were going to Target. Brian looked at us quizzically and I explained that he loved to go shopping at Target. He just shook his head and prayed under his breath, “Save us, Jesus.” One Target-aholic in the family is enough.
Have a wonderful weekend!

7 Quick Takes (1/27/12): Baby Showers, Miscarriage & Finding Joy

By bobbi
January 27, 2012
3 Comments

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

– 1 –

I’ve got a lot to do today so I’ll just take a few minutes to make my Quick Takes this week. I have errands and house cleaning to do since I have company coming over next week. Two of my sisters will be visiting from Southern California and I can’t wait! I get a double treat since not only will be able to spend time with my sisters, they have also offered to babysit the kids, baby included, so Brian and I can go out. He has a special treat planned for next Friday night and I can’t wait!

– 2 –

I’m hoping the weather stays nice next week. It has been like spring! The other day was actually warm, so warm that I saw an old homeless guy on the street with his shirt off sunbathing next to his shopping cart. Not exactly a pretty picture but he seemed to be enjoying the California sun.

– 3 –

Tonight I’m going to a baby shower and I’m looking forward to seeing some of my Catholic mom friends. Sometimes I get so busy with life that the first thing to slip away is spending time with other moms. Yet, I truly need it. There is something about being able to talk to another mom face to face (not that I don’t appreciate my online friends 😉 and being able to have an adult conversation or just joke around about the quirks of motherhood. I miss it and am glad to have it back.

– 4, 5, 6, 7 –

This next Quick Take sort of morphed into its own post about miscarriage, suffering and finding joy so I’ll just count the following as numbers 4-7.
It is the norm amongst (practicing) Catholic families to have a number of women pregnant at the same time. But lately, there seems to be a number of people I know dealing with the pain of miscarriage. For some, this is their second, even third. For others, this is their first. Brian and I lost two babies during the years between Bella and Andrew. Both happened early in the pregnancy but that didn’t diminish the anguish it caused. That first miscarriage was honestly the most painful experience of my life. We had been dealing with infertility for awhile and were so excited when we finally conceived.
I remember how happy I was to buy a new pregnancy journal to record the next nine months of my pregnancy. I never thought I’d have to say good bye to my little one in that journal. Years ago I posted my pregnancy journal online on RoL, just as I had done with Bella’s journal. I wanted to show that my little one was no less loved just because I never had the chance to hold him in my arms. How my heart goes out to these moms. I pray that Our Lord brings them peace, comfort and strength as Our Lady takes care of their babies until they can hold them one day in heaven.
Hearing about these miscarriages has also been a stark reminder to me of how blessed I am. This week has been a bit of a struggle for me. The kind of days when my facebook status should read – Although I love being a mother, today sucked. Of course, the problems aren’t really major but lack of sleep and caring for sick ones can make the usual little problems seem magnified. However, when I hear about someone losing their baby (no matter how young) I can’t help but get a swift kick in the rear and realize just how blessed I am. Suddenly things are put into perspective and things don’t look as bad. It helps me find the joy in the chaos.
That reminds me of today’s quote and prayer from Small Steps for Catholic Moms. The quote is from St. Francis de Sales. “To keep the soul continually in a state of gentle calm, it is necessary to perform every action as being done in the presence of God, and as if he himself ordained it.” The prayer goes on to say, “God, sometimes it’s so hard to let go of control! Help me to trust that you are in charge and to find the peace and joy that comes from accepting each moment for the gift it truly is.”
Some days it is easy to refocus and reclaim your joy. Other days, especially when you are carrying a heavy cross, the struggles weigh you down and sometimes you just need some time before you can start to even grasp the thought of joy. God knows that and he gives us just what we need.
I can’t help but think about my little Matthew as he is learning how to walk. I let him go and he toddles a bit and falls down. Then he gets back up and tries again. But at some point he is exhausted and can’t try anymore. He sits on the ground crying with his hands raised up to me. I often think of us as babies and toddlers learning to walk. Like a loving father, God knows exactly when to let us try and walk on our own. And he knows when we are exhausted and can’t go on, we just need to be picked up and carried in his arms.
So whether you are walking upright under the close eye of your Father or being held in his arms while you gather your strength, the point is that God is always there. Surrendering yourself and your situation to him doesn’t mean that the pain will suddenly vanish, but slowly the healing will take place and we’ll be given the grace and courage to walk once again.
(NOTE: I meant only to spend a few minutes doing this quick takes but it has been over an hour and Matthew has miraculously been asleep the whole time. I just now reread my journal and although I lost our first baby seven years ago, all the pain and grief has swept over me as if it were fresh and I’m just sobbing. I can barely type here. I need to stop for a moment…
I guess the pain never completely goes away. Maybe I needed to be reminded that my two little saints are up there looking out for me and praying for me. I’ve reposted my pregnancy journals for Bella and our miscarried Baby Victor Brian on the blog. Maybe reading it will help another mom know she’s not alone in her grief and that there is hope in the end.)
Have a blessed weekend.
xoxo,
B

Good Bye, My Little One: The Story of A Miscarriage

By bobbi
January 27, 2012
6 Comments

I have had a number of friends and acquaintances suffer miscarriages lately so I thought I’d post my pregnancy journal from our first miscarriage. Perhaps reading it will help another mom know that she is not alone in her pain and that there is hope in the end.

January 22, 2005

My dear little one, Today is a blessed day for we first learned of your existence. This morning I suspected a small possibility that I could be pregnant. I had “suspected” it numerous times over the last year and every time I was wrong. I really did not think today would be any different. I took the pregnancy test then laid it down. I said a Hail Mary asking Our Lady to help me accept God’s will. Then I casually glanced at the test truly believing it was just another negative answer. I did a double-take when I saw two lines showing that it was positive. I was shocked. I could not believe it. It couldn’t be true! But suddenly everything started to make sense – I had gained a few pounds and I was feeling really run down and nauseated lately. All of this because you have started to grow in me. YOU – new life from God. Such a blessing after so much waiting!

Well, the next this to do was to tell your Daddy. I quickly showered then went into the family room to say good morning. (Thankfully it is Saturday so your Daddy is home.) After kissing him good morning I sat down to talk. I told him that I finally figured out why I gained a few pounds. He asked why and I pointed to my stomach saying, “There’s a bambino growing in here!” “What!?” he exclaimed, “Are you sure? How do you know? Are you okay?” I assured him that it was true and that I was fine. He stood there a minute as the news seemed to finally sink in – we were having a baby. A huge grin swept over his face and he hugged me and held me close. I cried in his arms with tears of joy. I did not deserve to be so blessed by God.

We have been waiting many, many months for you to come, my little one. It has been our constant prayer. Even your sister Bella has been praying every morning that God would send us a little baby. And now He has. Blessed be God! I love you, my little one.

January 26, 2005

My dear little one, I still cannot believe that God has blessed us with your presence. I took another pregnancy test this morning to make sure it was really true! And it is. My body is really starting to feel pregnant as well. I am feeling more queasy and I get a lot more tired, particularly by the end of the day.

On Monday I called the doctor and made an appointment for February 15. I can’t wait until I get my first look at you and the doctor tells me you’re okay. After the appointment we’ll share the news with your Oma and Opa and your Grandma and Grandpa. Everyone is going to be so excited! I love you, my little one.

January 28, 2005

My dear little one, Today I am up in the mountains at my yearly silent retreat. It is a beautiful time for me to be alone with Christ and deepen my love for Him. Although good, it is difficult being away from your Daddy and your sister Bella. I miss them very much. However, it has brought me comfort to know that I am not here alone – you are present with me here at this retreat. You are nestled safe inside me growing and getting stronger each day.

We have been waiting so long for you, my little one. I am so thankful to God for the miracle of your presence. You have brought us such joy, my little one. I love you very much. May God watch over you and keep you safe.

January 30, 2005

My dear little one, My retreat ended today. There was a special closing Mass and I promised God to do my best to try and be a holy wife and mother. It has been a time of great grace for me. However, graces and blessings from God also mean a greater responsibility on my part to live out my vocation as a Christian. God has blessed me with so much, my little one, I pray I can serve Him with a humble and loving heart in return.

The whole time at Mass I kept thinking that you were there to share this moment with me. You would be bonded to me in a special way since this moment meant a lot to me. When I received Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist I knew you were receiving Him too. What a beautiful thought. May you always love and serve God with all your heart, my little one. Stay close to Him always. I love you.

February 1, 2005

My dear little one, Today I shared the wonderful news with your aunt. We are going to visit your Grandma and Grandpa in a few weeks and we want to surprise them with the news of your arrival. They have been long praying for you, my little one, and they will be so excited. It is so hard to keep your presence to myself. I want to share the happy news with everyone but I think it best to wait just a bit longer. I love you, my little one.

February 2, 2005

My dear little one, Today is the feast of the Presentation. This evening we all went to Mass and there was a special ceremony with prayers and lit candles to celebrate the day. I was so happy to be there together – the four of us. I cannot wait until the day when I can hold you in my arms and kiss your little cheeks. I love you, my little one.

February 4, 2005

My dear little one, Today is the First Friday and as usual we met with a number of other moms and their kids to attend Mass and play in the park afterwards. Mrs. P was there with her little baby boy, our godson. Bella loves the little baby and always asks if she can hold him and kiss his little head. She is eager to be a big sister, my little one. Afterwards in the car I told her that we’d have a little baby of our own in a few months. She asked, “Can I keep the baby? Can I hold him?” I told her yes and she chatted away about having a little baby. We all love you, my little one.

February 7, 2005

My dear little one, Today I had to call the doctor because there has been some slight spotting. I am very nervous because it is always in the back of my mind, “What if…” The doctor told me not to worry that it may be nothing. I did spot some when I was pregnant with Bella but this just seems different. But I’ll put my trust in God and hope for the best. Blessed Mother, please give me strength to accept God’s will and take care of our little baby. I love you, my little one.

February 8, 2005
My dear little one, Today has been such a difficult day. I cannot stop crying at the thought that I may be losing you. I am only seven weeks pregnant and I have only known you a few of those weeks but my heart is already so attached to you, my little one. I took Bella to Opa’s house because I was not feeling well at all. Late this afternoon I kept crying and I had to finally stop and kneel before God. I opened up my Bible and read from a page at random. It was Isaiah 49: 13 – 15.

Sing for joy, O heavens, and exalt O earth;
Break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the Lord has comforted his people, and will have compassion on his afflicted.
But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, my Lord has forgotten me.”
“Can a woman forget her suckling child, that she should have no compassion on the son in her womb?”
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.

From the window the sun was close to setting and the rays were shining on my tears. My heart was filled with peace and I was finally able to stop crying. I know that you will be okay, my little one. I know that God will get both of us through this. Even if God is to call you back to Himself, I know he will give me the strength to handle it. My heart breaks at the thought but I pray above all else that God’s love will see us though. I love you, my little one. And I love you, my Lord. Thank you for your mercy.

February 9, 2005

Today is the first day of Lent and what I am offering up to God right now is my aching heart. This “not knowing” is killing me. A few hours will pass when everything looks okay and I am hopeful that you are alright. Then things will look bleak once again. Unless there is a major change I will just have to wait it out until our first prenatal appointment on Tuesday but that is six days away!

My little one, the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes is coming up on Friday. It has always been a special day to me because many years ago Our Lady helped me to turn my life around on that day. She has been very instrumental in my conversion. I have pleaded with Our Lady that she give us an answer by her feast day. If you are to stay with us then may all this spotting cease and everything be okay. If God is calling you home, then may she take you personally to Him and give us the grace to endure it. I am confident that Our Lady will answer us, my little one. She has always been so good to us. May her mantle be around us all. I love you.

February 10, 2005

My dear little one, Lent has just begun yet it will be one that I will never forget for Christ has asked us to not only carry the cross but to nail ourselves to it with Him. I feel at one with Our Blessed Mother who had to watch her Son slowly die before her eyes.

This morning when I woke up and there was no doubt in my mind that we were losing you. The spotting has now become bleeding. I see no hope, my little one. Your Daddy stayed home with me today and I am so thankful for I couldn’t get through this without him. Although he is taking this hard for he loves you so much, he has been a great strength to me. Together we had been praying that you would be spared but through it all your Daddy has been reminding me that we must trust in God. I called the doctor, my little one, and he will see me this afternoon. Then we will know for sure.

I have been thinking about something, my little one and while it is best to tell your Oma and Opi after the fact, I will have to tell your Grandma and Grandpa about this right away. Being my own mama, Grandma will want to pray for me and share this heartache with me. She will be heartbroken, my little one. I pray God gives her strength. There are also a number of close friends who are praying for us. It is only a matter of time, my love.

LATER…

My dear little one, We went to the doctors this afternoon and he confirmed our fears. I didn’t cry when he told us because I knew it was happening but the look on your Daddy’s face (he was in there with me) is one I’ll never forget. I think he was holding out for a miracle but it was not to be this time.

Later when we arrived home, my love, your little body left mine. I am just numb. I don’t think I have any tears left to cry at this point – at least not until my body replenishes them. My emotions are so mixed. I am thankful to Our Lady for answering my prayer. I know she is now holding you in her arms and caring for you. You could not ask for anything better.

But pray for me, my little one. I ache for you. I feel so empty without you here with us. Right now I just want to be alone with your Daddy and Bella. I can’t answer the phone or call anyone or I will lose it. Give me strength, my dear Lord. I do thank God for all the countless people praying for us. I can feel God’s grace holding us up. Blessed be God in his mercy, even in times of sorrow.

LATER

My dear little one, I had to call your Grandma before the night was over. I needed to hear her voice and I knew she wanted to hear mine. Grandma knows just what I am feeling now because she lost three of her own babies before they were born. It was a comfort to talk to her and I was able to do so without breaking down. God’s grace is strong, my little one. Grandma and your Aunt B offered to drive up here to be with us and help out however they can. I truly appreciated the offer but I think right now it is best for me, Daddy and Bella to spend this time alone to comfort one another.

However, we will carry on with our plan to visit Grandma & Grandpa and the family in a week. In the meantime our spirits will be united in prayer as we turn to Our Lord and Lady. Thank you, my heavenly Father.

February 11, 2005 – Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes

My dear little one, I guess there is really no need to write in my journal to you anymore but it is helpful to me to express myself, even if this will never be given to you. But from where you are, you will understand what I am saying anyway.
Your Daddy talked to Oma and Opa and told them what happened. They were very sad, my little one. I will talk to them in a day or two. Right now I cannot talk to anyone. We have been receiving a number of phone calls and messages and people are wondering if we’re okay because they haven’t heard from us. I finally wrote up a letter to email to everyone explaining what happened. Here is what it said:

Dear Friends,

As many of you know, we have been praying for a long time that God would bless us with another child. Our prayers were finally answered and a new life was granted to our family. For a number of weeks we overjoyed with the prospect of a new baby.

However, this past week we suspected that God may be calling our baby to Himself. Yesterday, it was finalized. Our baby left my body and is now with God in heaven. It has been an unbelievably difficult time, particularly since Tuesday was to be our first prenatal appointment and followed by our plans to surprise the perspective grandparents with the news.

Although our hearts are heavy with grief, I must say that this burden has been incredibly lighter through your prayers and the grace of God. I would often read of saints or holy people speak of suffering as a great blessing but I could not understand how such a thing could be possible. I am far from holy but I think I have gotten a tiny taste of what that means.

The other night I could not sleep and I lay in bed thinking and praying. I pondered over my life and how many graces and blessing God has poured out on me. I thought of trials I have endured in the past and during those times I often thought of Jesus in the Garden asking, “Lord, if it be your will let this cup pass over me.” I, too, prayed that I would be spared. More often than not, I was spared. I felt like Abraham ready of sacrifice his Isaac but at the last minute it was always revealed that the mere offering was enough. I need not actually make the sacrifice. Yesterday, however, God asked for sacrifice of our child to become a reality.

Perhaps I should be angry with God, at least temporarily, but I am not. God has been so good to me. I have been granted tremendous mercy and numerous graces in my life. And now God has finally given me the chance to truly make an offering of love to Him. Placing our child back into God’s hands is my way of being able to show God that I appreciate all his blessings and I trust in his goodness in both the good and sorrowful times.

But before you even think of making any comments on my “strength” know that it is not me. Left to my own devices I’d be a wailing drama queen. (As those who know me well could attest.) I know firmly within my heart that it is the grace of God, particularly those received through your prayers. And I must say that Brian has been a pillar of strength and trust in God, even through his own grief and pain. Even little Bella, not quite understanding what’s going on, will place her little arms around my neck, kissing me telling me, “It’s okay, Mama.” God is present and comforting me everywhere I turn.

I also can’t help but remember that in the end, our children are not our own. They are given to us with the responsibility that we raise them as holy children as best we can so that one day they may be united with God in heaven. Now we know that we have at least one little saint in heaven who is praying and waiting for us to join him in heaven. That is a great blessing. There will always be an emptiness in our hearts that misses our little baby and we still have a great deal of sorrow but at the same time there is also a great deal of peace. Our Lady, on this beautiful feast day, has wrapped her mantle around us and has given us great comfort and strength.

We thank you once again for your prayers, concern and offerings of help (from bringing food to babysitting Bella.) It has touched us that so many people have us in their hearts. Please forgive us for not answering our phone right now or calling you back yet. We think it best that the three of us spend the next couple of days comforting one another and celebrating the blessing we have in each other. Emotions are still a little raw to talk on the phone. We will however, be available through email. (I have learned to weep and type quite well now.) We’ll meet soon and share those hugs I know you are waiting to give. Our love and prayers go out to you as well. Thank you again.

With love and trust in Our Lord and Lady,

Bobbi & Brian (& Bella)

“We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

My little one, afterwards we received many beautiful messages of condolences and one family actually sent us flowers for you. It may seem odd to the secular world that we are mourning you or that others are acknowledging that mourning. They may argue that you were only a few weeks old or that it would be different had you actually been born then died, but that is besides the point. You were a miracle of life at the moment of your conception. You will always be a part of our family and we look forward to the day when we can see you in person and hold you in our arms. Good bye, my little one, I love you.

POSTSCRIPT:

Spring 2005

The weeks following were difficult, especially on the day I was to have my first prenatal. On the outside I seemed okay but on the inside I was mad at everyone. Thankfully, those feelings never lasted long and were never aimed at God. My heart still aches at times and I couldn’t stop the tears as I was typing what was in my journal but God has been good to us. The days of and following the miscarriage were cold and rainy outside. It seemed appropriate weather but rain has always been symbolic to me of God’s grace. And it was surely pouring down on us during this entire time.

I cherish those few weeks that I spent with our little son. From the moment I learned I was pregnant I felt strongly that it was a little boy (Brian did too.) I had already been calling him a junior – “Baby Brian” – in my mind. Brian, however, liked the name “Victor” which is his middle name (and a name with a history in his family.) So we compromised and named our little angel Victor Brian.

I still miss my little one but I am at peace and thankful for the grace God gave me to endure it. There is always a reason for why things happen and only God knows the full picture. I trust Him completely that this sorrowful event has a meaning and purpose in God’s divine providence. And even though a few tears may escape me now and then, I am happy to know my little one is in the hands of Our Lady, praying for the day when he is joined by his daddy, mama, sister Bella and any other siblings that may follow. Blessed be God now and forever.

January 2012

It’s been nearly seven years since I went through this and as I reread this now, all the pain and grief has swept over me as if it were fresh and I’m just sobbing. I thought I was long past feeling that deep hurt but I guess the pain never completely goes away. We did suffer a second miscarriage the following year – a baby we named Joseph. Our two babies are in heaven now and we ask them to pray for their mom, dad and four other siblings so that one day we all can join them in our eternal home.

A Mama’s Journal to Her Baby & Bella’s Birth Story

By bobbi
January 27, 2012
3 Comments

When Brian and I were married we tried to start a family right away but we were having trouble. After a year of praying, trying and a pilgrimage to Rome, we finally conceived. When I was pregnant with Bella, I started a journal addressed to her that I will one day give to her when she is older. It is a tradition I kept up with all the kids. (Above are the four journals I’ve used.) Below are entries from Bella’s journal, which includes her birth story. (If you only want to read the birth story, scroll down to September 29th.)

February 14, 2001

It is Valentine’s morning and I still can’t believe it. I suspected that our dream was finally coming true so I took a pregnancy test. I followed the procedure then closed my eyes while I waited for the results. I prayed three Hail Marys that I would accept God’s will graciously. After the last prayer I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the test… there it was! How many times have I seen that awful negative result but this time it was positive. There is a little one growing inside me!

Your Daddy was in the kitchen so I went in there and asked him to close his eyes and hold out his hands to receive a Valentine’s gift I wanted to give him. He did so and I then placed his hands on my stomach and told him to open his eyes. With a puzzled look he said, “What?” I said, “Guess!” His eyes grew wide and with astonishment he exclaimed, “You’re pregnant?! Are you sure?” I convinced him that it was true and we just hugged each other and cried. There are no words to describe our joy and gratitude to God for answering our prayers. I’m still in shock…but I will never forget the moment I learned of the existence of my little one. Blessed be God!

February 15, 2001

My dear little one, I am still walking around in a daze. I cannot believe that you are in me! Yesterday I went to the store to buy a few small baby things as a gift for your grandparents. It will be part of how I tell them the news. I also bought a little heart frame to place your first little picture in since you were conceived in love and discovered on a day celebrating love. How I thank God for your existence! It seems almost too good to be true but it IS true. I have been feeling very tired but that is normal since my body is working extra hard to help you grow. I pray God keeps you safe, my little one.

February 17, 2001

My dear little one, we are on our trip to So CA so your daddy and I took the opportunity to tell your Grandma and Grandpa C. and all your new aunts and uncles the wonderful news since it will be awhile until we visit them again. In the afternoon when everyone was here we gave G & G two gifts to open. Your grandpa opened the first box, which contained some treats for the kids. Your grandma was to open the second one (which contained a tiny toy baby doll crib, a stuffed animal puppy, rattle, baby blanket and some board books. There was a little card inside that read ” Grandma’s and Grandpa’s box of toys for their first grandchild”.)

Grandma opened the box and lifted off the lid. She looked inside and then had a look of shock on her face. She closed her eyes and laid her head on the box. Then she began to cry and hugged me. Your aunts and uncles didn’t get it until they too looked in the box and saw G & G crying and hugging me and your daddy. Soon everyone was laughing and cheering. They are all so happy, my little one. They, too, have been waiting for you. They love you and are praying for you. Thank you, my dear Lord and Lady!

February 18, 2001

My dear little one, today dad and I went to Sunday Mass with the family. It was beautiful to kneel there before God knowing that the blessing of new life is in me. I prayed for you and for your health and safety. I worry, my little one, that perhaps God will call you to Him before you are born. I will always love you whether you live 8 weeks in me or 88 years outside of me… but I pray God will allow us to raise you and enjoy your presence for years to come. My heart is always with you, my little one, no matter what happens. Your daddy knows just the right words to comfort me and encourage me to trust God and his goodness.

February 20, 2001

My dear little one, today I called the doctor’s office and made an appointment for March 5 at 6pm. It seems like a long way off but that is his usual amount of time to wait. I am a little nervous. All this is so new to me! There are times when I still cannot believe it.

I have been reading my baby books and keeping track of your growth and development. It is amazing just how small you begin at, little one. You are just about the size of period at the end of this sentence. Then slowly you grow larger and larger. It is a wonderful miracle how God is forming you. Be always united with your Creator, my little one. You shall be a joy and comfort to Him! Amen!

February 25, 2001

My dear little one, today we went out to dinner with your Grandma and Grandpa S. We have not yet told them about you. Your Grandma will be very worried until I see the doctor so we will wait until after my appointment, then we will tell them the joyful news! It is hard to keep quiet since I want to shout it from the housetops but I must be patient and wait for God’s time.

I have been very tired and a little ill. I haven’t had morning sickness other than a little queasiness. I hope that’s okay! Your daddy has been taking such good care of me. He has so much love for us, my little one. Wait until you see what a good and holy man he is!

February 28, 2001

My dear little one, today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I will work hard at overcoming my faults and building virtue so that I may truly be a woman of God. In doing such, I will be a better wife to your father and a better mother to you. God has granted me the blessing of motherhood but with it comes great responsibility and sacrifice. God has slowly been preparing my heart for this moment and now that the time has come I accept this task of love.

Yesterday you turned five weeks old, my little one. Stay strong and healthy. May God protect you always.

March 4, 2001

My dear little one, each day that passes unites my heart even closer to you. I have been having much fear and anxiety about having a miscarriage. I want you so badly, my little one, and I fear this is just too good to be true. At Mass this morning, though, the reading and psalms and songs were about not fearing, turning to God, and trusting that He will watch over us. I must believe that. I must trust in God’s Providence, whatever the outcome may be. I pray that Our Lady gives me strength. I will be strong and not worry so much, my little one. I do not want you to sense any of my fears as you are growing in me. How I love you, my little one.

March 5, 2001

My dear little one, today was our first prenatal appointment. I was so nervous and scared! Your Daddy got permission to leave work early so he could be with me. He was such a comfort to me! When I first arrived the nurse took my blood pressure and she said I must be nervous because it was high. She said she’d take it again afterwards. The doctor talked to daddy and me and then he examined me. We saw the sonogram for the very first time and there you were so tiny (only 1/2 inch tall) on the screen. The machine said I was only five weeks pregnant but I knew I was just entering my eighth week. The doctor said my uterus agreed with me. He asked me to come back in three weeks to take the ultrasound again then he’ll give us a more definite due date. But that didn’t matter to me since after the exam and seeing you on the screen and hearing that we were both fine, I was so overjoyed! The nurse took my blood pressure again and the numbers were great. That’s because I was so relieved and happy! I cannot tell you how happy I am! And your daddy… he is beaming with joy to see your tiny little body growing in me. We couldn’t be more pleased or excited! I feel like now I can relax a little more and not worry so much. I need to feel good for you now, my little one.

Tomorrow we will be sharing the news with Oma and Opa. It will be exciting! But I am very, very tired so I will stop writing. I love you, my little one. Have a restful night.

March 7, 2001

My dear little one, I have found great comfort writing to you and getting to know you while you are still growing in me. Right now I am sitting in the chapel before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I pray that your little heart is already beating for His love above all else. It is the love of God that has allowed the miracle of your existence. Never stray from that love…life is meaningless without it.

Last night we went to your Oma and Opa’s house to tell them the news. We also gave them a little gift box of baby things. They were speechless and overjoyed! Already they are planning to buy a little crib and make one of their rooms into a nursery to babysit you, my little one. They called your other grandparents and together they laughed and cried with joy. They are all so pleased.

Now today I will tell my friends at work. I am excited yet it is still a little hard to believe. God is so good and gracious. I am struck by his gentle yet mighty power…a power that allows a lowly person like me to have the privilege of carrying a new life in me. Now we will be a reflection of the Holy Trinity. Father & Mother together in their love bring forth you, my little one. It is amazing. Blessed be God in his goodness now and forever!

(Later in the evening.) Well, I shared the wonderful news at work and everyone was incredibly excited and happy for me. It is funny how a new baby – or the news of a new baby- affects people. Deep down people are drawn to the beauty of an innocent and pure new life. It somehow brings us closer to God, the Creator of that life. Blessed be God.

March 8, 2001

My dear little one, the last 24 hours have been some of the most horrid hours of my life. Last night I began to bleed. Daddy and I could not believe it. It was late and I was to see the doctor in the morning. As I lay in bed in your Daddy’s arms I realized that God might be taking you away from us. I began to cry and then to sob with such sorrow and heaviness of heart, like I’ve never felt before. Your Daddy held me and sobbed with me. Sorrow gnawed at me all night as I pleaded with God to have mercy on us and to spare our child. Lastly, though, above all else I asked for the grace to accept God’s will, whatever it was.

The next morning my eyes were so swollen I could barely open them. Your Daddy held onto me all night and in the morning there were still tears in his eyes. He loves you deeply as well, my little one. I went to the bathroom to check things out and I had stopped bleeding. Later the doctor told me not to worry and that everything was fine with me and with you, my little one. I was incredibly relieved to hear that. Then when I found out you were okay I was crying with happiness.

Ugh! I feel like an emotional basket case! But more than anything I am so grateful that God has spared you – at least for the time being. I still feel emotionally fragile but God will get me through. Blessed be God. Thank you, my Lord and Lady and all the angels and saints!

March 13, 2001

My dear little one, it has been a very pleasant weekend – your Aunt B. & Aunt J. have been here for a visit. It was wonderful to see them again. They are so pleased and excited about you.

Last night, however, I was having a rough time again. The fear from the previous night keeps returning to me. I just lay in bed and cried. I am afraid to be happy about the pregnancy because something could go wrong any minute. It is wrong to think that way but how do I stop it? I pray that Our Blessed Lord helps me and brings peace to my heart. Please intercede for me, my dear lady. I need you I love you, my little one. Pray for your Mama.

March 16, 2001

My dear little one, it is a beautiful morning out today. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. It will be a lovely day. I am in the Adoration Chapel right now. I have been praying to Our Lord but I am feeling tired and sleepy so I began to write to keep me awake! Your Daddy is kneeling next to me and is deep in prayer. He is such a good and holy man, my little one. I pray that you will have a strong and spiritual heart for God, as your Daddy does.

I talked to my mom, your Grandma C, the other day about my fear of losing you. She said that it is natural to feel that way. But she reminded me that I need to concentrate on enjoying your presence in me every day. She said that whether God takes you away tomorrow, in a few months or in 75 years, I will always be your Mama. She said I must enjoy and cherish every moment with you and not allow worries or fears distract from this special time. Something of what she said clicked in me and made sense. I love you, my little one, and I want to cherish every moment with you. Blessed be God in his goodness.

March 20, 2001

My dear little one, today you have turned eight weeks old and I am entering my 10th week of pregnancy. This is a special week for you, my child! You are a whopping 1 ½ inches! Perhaps that doesn’t seem like much but it is when you consider that just two months ago you were the size of the period at the end of this sentence. You are becoming more and more real to me, my little one, and I can’t wait until I can feel you move in me. May God protect you and strengthen you always. I love you.

March 25, 2001

My dear little one, it is Sunday evening and Daddy and I are just about to leave for Oma and Opa’s house for dinner. They are getting more and more excited about you, little one. Oma is curious to know if you will have curly hair like your mommy.

Grandma & Grandpa and the family are also eager for your arrival. They sent you a gift last week. They gave you a little “Jubilee Year” bear and a wooden baby rosary and tiny baby nail clippers. I’m afraid you’ll be showered with many gifts, little one. But remember, the gift of God’s love is most precious! I love you.

March 26, 2001

My dear little one, today the Church celebrates the beautiful feast of the Annunciation (since the 25th was a Sunday this year). We honor our most Blessed Mother in a special way for her humble “fiat” – I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to your word. I give special thanks to Our Lady for her continued guidance and intercession. It was shortly after a special prayer made to Our Lady in Rome that we were finally able to conceive you, my little one. God is so good.

March 30, 2001

My dear little one, today is already Friday. This week has gone by so quickly! That means that you are almost another week older, little one. I went to the doctor’s Monday evening and Dr. V took another ultrasound to check your size. We saw you on the screen with your heart beating strongly! It is still hard to believe that you are growing in me! I love you, my little one.

April 15, 2001

My dear little one, Happy Easter to you! Today is the beautiful feast of Our Lord’s Resurrection. Daddy and I went to Mass this morning with you snug inside of me. It’s funny because Daddy reminded me that by next Easter we will be attending Mass with you in our arms. What a wonderful thought…this is the last time we will attend Easter Mass alone. Next year you will be there too, my little one. I love you!

April 24, 2001

My dear little one, today Daddy and I went to the doctor’s for another check up. We were so excited because we were able to hear you for the first time. Nurse C. had me lay down. Then she got ready to put the little machine on my stomach. She warned us that sometimes it is hard to hear anything or that it takes awhile to find the heartbeat. Well, she placed the machine on me and there you were loud and strong saying good morning with your powerful heartbeat! We’re so excited and happy, our little one. We love you!

April 30, 2001

My dear little one, this weekend we have been visiting Grandma & Grandpa and all your aunts and uncles! Fr. M visited us at the house and gave us a very special blessing. He prayed over me and said special prayers for me that I would be a holy mother to you. Then he prayed for you that you would be blessed and love the Lord always. I was very beautiful, my little one. Your Papa and I love you so much, we can’t wait until we can hold you in our arms!

May 13, 2001

My dear little one, thanks to you, today I celebrated my first Mother’s Day because you have made me a mama! Yesterday Daddy sent me flowers at work to congratulate me. They are very beautiful and very special because this is my first mother’s day! When we went to Mass today a little girl was standing outside the door handing flowers to all the moms. Although I wasn’t holding a baby she gave me one too. God knows that you’re growing inside me and that I am your mama. How thankful I am! I love you, my little one.

July 6, 2001

My dear little one, this morning I was reading through the pages of my journal. It’s amazing how quickly time is going! I am six months pregnant and you, my little one, have grown to eight inches long! Just think, in four short months I will be holding you in my arms! Right now I am in the Adoration Chapel on First Friday and in a few short months I will be here once again with you in my arms. Together we will be praying to Our Lord besides your Daddy. I’ve begun singing the Hail Mary and Gentle Woman to you in the morning. I want you to also have a great love for Our Lady. I love you, my little one.

July 16, 2001

My dear little one, this weekend your daddy and I stayed with your Grandma and Grandpa and the family. It has been a wonderful weekend and everyone was excited to see my growing belly with you inside! On Sunday you and I were given a baby shower by all our friends in So. Calif. It was so beautifully done! It looked like a wedding reception! We received so many generous gifts! Everyone is so happy for us and so eager to welcome you into the world, my little one. I love you very much.

July 25, 2001

My dear little one, I have special thanks to give to God for the other night was the first time I felt you kick my hand! I have felt you moving around in me for some time but this is the first I felt it so strong. And again last night as I was sitting on the couch you kicked the hand I had placed on my stomach. It was so wonderful and such a joyous feeling. Now I just need you to kick while Daddy’s there so he can feel it too! I love you, my little one.

August 18, 2001

My dear little one, today your mommy is celebrating her birthday. I was thinking this morning that two years ago I celebrated my first birthday as an engaged woman. Then a year ago my first birthday as a married woman. This year? My first birthday as a mother carrying her child within her. I have sooo much to be thankful for – my life, God’s love and mercy, my dear husband and his love, the fruit of that love – our little baby, my family…the list could go on forever. Thank you, my dear Lord, for all your goodness and kindness to me.

August 27, 2001

My dear little one, today we attended our third birthing class. We were given a tour of the birthing center where I will give birth to you, my little one. I feel much better getting used to the surrounding of the hospital; it makes me feel less nervous about what will take place during your birth! While we were there we saw in the nursery window a little baby that had just been born and was being checked by the nurse. It brought a tear to my eye to think that soon it will be you who is born into the world. How I can hardly wait to hold you, my little one! I love you!

September 3, 2001

My dear little one, I’m amazed at how active you have been in me. You don’t kick as much as you used to but now it feels like you are doing somersaults. My stomach rolls and moves up and down as you move inside me. You are a strong one, my little one. I love you so much.

September 11, 2001

My dear little one, today has been a tragic day for our nation. There has been a terrorist attack in New York and many, many people lost their lives because of it. My heart is broken, my little one, and I cannot stop crying in grief for not only those who died but for all those that were left behind. I think of how much I love your Daddy and you, my little one, and how devastated I would be had something happened to either one of you. But I must put it form my mind right now. I must concentrate on the new life within me and not let my sadness effect you, my little one. I must see you as an answer of hope and joy to all the sorrow and pain our nation is feeling now. May God bless and strengthen us all.

September 28, 2001

My dear little one, I’ve been feeling better, trying to focus on you and your arrival. So many people have been so generous to you – we’ve already been to three baby showers and tomorrow is the last one at Oma’s. Your Grandma & Grandpa C. and your Uncle Rob drove to Carmel to spend the weekend with me. I’ve been having a lot of Braxton Hick (the practice) contractions. They are coming more often but are too sporadic to worry about. Everyone says it is normal! I just hope they don’t stay this strong until you’re born! We still have almost a month to go. I can’t believe that in a few short weeks I’ll really be holding you! I can’t wait! I love you, my little one!

September 29, 2001

My dear little one, I am in shock!! You surprised us all! This (Saturday) morning at 9:35am you entered the world!! My dear little one, I can now call you my sweet little Isabella Rose Marie…a little girl! I am so happy! You are so tiny but so beautiful! I can’t believe it – it all went so quickly! Ha, and today is your baby shower! Well, now it’s a birthday party! I am in shock! But I am oh so happy! I will give you all the details later, my little Isabella. I love you!

October 1, 2001

My sweet Isabella, today I am officially discharged from the hospital although I won’t be leaving yet. The nurses are keeping me around as long as possible so I can spend my time with you in the nursery. I am still reeling over everything! Let me tell your birth story now while it is still fresh in my head.

On the Thursday before you were born I began noticing more practice contractions than usual. They continued into Friday but were brief and sporadic. I remember shopping at Costco and stopping for a moment to feel a contraction. But I continued my day and waited for your Grandma and Grandpa C. and Uncle Rob to come. I was so happy when they arrived and chatted with them while I cooked dinner. At this point the contractions were getting stronger and my back was feeling it more but they were still sporadic so I thought nothing of them.

That evening after dinner we drove over to your Grandma & Grandpa to Oma & Opa’s house where they would be staying for the weekend. Oma showed me the rooms that had been decorated for the baby shower the next morning. Everything looked so pretty! However, the pains were getting stronger and I had to sit so I told daddy that I’d better go home and get some rest. I was very tired that night, although every once in awhile a contraction would wake me. I was a bit worried but since they weren’t close enough to call the doctor (I thought) that I tried to sleep them off. By early morning the contractions were getting stronger and Daddy was getting worried and wanted to call the doctor. I agreed.
While your Daddy got out of bed, a big contraction hit me and my water broke. Now I was scared because I knew that meant that I was going into labor NOW.

Daddy came over and comforted me and told me not to worry. He called the doctor while I went into the bathroom to get dressed. Your Uncle Rob, who was asleep in the front room, woke up and grabbed my bags and put them in the car. However, getting out the door was almost impossible because the contractions were very intense and coming every 2 – 3 minutes. When a contraction came I had to stop and hold onto something and breathe though it. I could feel you in me pressing down and then slightly rising back up once the contraction was over. I tried to quickly hobble out the door and down the apartment stairs before the next one came. I just barely made it!

Thankfully the hospital was only minutes away and I was there quickly. Uncle Rob and Daddy walked me to the birthing center section although I had to stop once on my way to get though another contraction. Daddy and Uncle Rob rubbed my back and told me that I was doing a good job. That gave me the strength to hurry to the admittance desk.

After a few minutes I was finally in my hospital gown lying down on the birthing bed. The nurse was trying to ask me questions but I had a hard time talking since I was breathing through a contraction. She then noticed that I was leaking a lot of water so she checked me to see how I was doing. She was surprised to find that I was already 10 cm dilated – but not as surprised as I was! She quickly called in Dr. V who checked me and said that you were ready to come out now. The nurses and the room had not been ready for this stage of birth so they ran around like crazy putting on their gowns, getting their tools and preparing the room.

I watched them all in shock – this was it. I was anticipating long hours of labor in a hospital using all the labor tools we packed in our bags and here I was, ready to push. My head was full of so many emotions and I would have been really scared if it hadn’t been for your Daddy. He was so loving and supportive; his encouragement helped me to focus and stay calm.

Dr. V took care of the last minute details to get my body ready then he had me push down as hard as I could. I did 2 or 3 times before he announced that he could see the head. Daddy could see you coming out and he just kept saying, “ohmygosh, ohmygosh” then with one more strong push, out you came! Dr. V said, “It’s a girl!” I couldn’t believe it! I had just given birth to a baby girl! From the ultrasound we saw before you were born, the doctor guessed that you were a boy. We assumed we were having a boy, although whenever I prayed for you I automatically said “she” not “he”. I guess my heart knew deep down that the little one inside me was my precious little daughter! I was so happy!

After the doctor cleaned your mouth out and heard you cry, they immediately checked you over at a little side table. Since you were born a month early you were still really small weighing only 3 lb. 12 oz and 17″ long. Although little, the doctor said you are healthy and feisty. (Daddy says that you’re feisty because you’re a warrior for Christ, born on the feast of the Archangels!) However, you had to be taken right away to the nursery to be placed in an incubator so you could be given the special care you needed.

Meanwhile Grandma & Grandpa, Uncle Rob and Opa were waiting outside for the great news. Although you arrived early it was a great blessing that you came while Grandma & Grandpa were in town! By the grace of God I was able to have my mom and dad with me at this most special time of my life…the birth of my beautiful and precious girl, my little Isabella. I love you, my sweet little one!

The day of your birth, little one, filled everyone with excitement and joy. (I’m still in shock!) All your Grandparents were overjoyed and Uncle Rob called the family at home and they cheered and thanked God. Meanwhile Oma was greeting all the guests for the baby shower telling them that the “guest of honor” was detained and the party was now a birthday celebration! Haha!

After the birth I showered and cleaned up and was eager to hold you for the first time. You are so tiny, my little one, but already so beautiful! Although Daddy and I can’t have you in the room with us I am able to nurse you and we are spending every minute we can with you while you get better in your incubator. I have asked Grandma C to stay with me this week while you are in the hospital. She was so pleased that I asked because she wants to be here with you and help us out so Daddy and I can spend as much time as we can with you. I will do all I can not to leave you, my little Isabella. I love you!

October 2, 2001

My dear little Isabella, this evening has been very difficult for me. It is so hard to see the other moms with their babies as they leave the hospital to go home. It deeply pains me that you must be separated from me. For eight months I carried you moving within me. Now I feel so alone and empty without you. I know you are only down the hall in the nursery with the nurses but I want you in my arms at home with your Daddy. I can’t stop the tears…I pray God gives me strength to get through this.

October 6, 2001

My dear little Isabella, today you are 1 week old! Was it really just a week ago that you entered into the world? It seems so very long ago! You are still in the hospital but we are hopeful that next week you will be discharged. You are steadily gaining weight and breathing better. Keep it up, my little one, and then we’ll be home soon!

October 10, 2001

My dear little one, the day you Daddy and I have been praying for is finally here! We have taken you from the hospital (where the nurses were wonderful!) and now we are home!

Daddy took off the afternoon and met me at the hospital. We spent an hour trying to figure out your car seat but we finally did it! It felt funny not to wake up and see you in the hospital but rather to have in our little home. I am so happy! I must admit, though, that I am also scared – there are no more nurses around to keep an eye on me and see if I’m doing things okay. It’s just me, you and Daddy, little one! Actually it was blessing in disguise that we had so much “practice time” in taking care of you in the hospital. I feel more comfortable now on my own.

It is so strange…sometimes I still can’t believe that you are my little baby! It all seems so unreal. And sometimes I worry…will you love me and know that I am your mama? You spent so much time with the other nurses that I hope I am not just another nameless face to you that gives you food. I know it is silly but, my little Bella, just let me know that you love me and know that I am your mommy!

October 18, 2001

My dear little one, this week Daddy stayed home from work to be with you and help me. This is such a special time for us. I feel very close to Daddy and love him very much. It is so beautiful and miraculous that by the grace of God our love has created a new beautiful life – our little Bella, or as we affectionately call you “our little Peanut”. How we love you!

October 28, 2001

My dear little Bella, today, the day before your one-month birthday, you have celebrated a very special day – your baptism! You are a child of God on the road to heaven! All your aunts and uncles and Grandma & Grandpa C. are spending the weekend here. They are so happy and excited to see you for the first time/again! The ceremony itself was beautiful with Fr. E at the Carmel Mission. We have so much to be thankful for, my dear little one! All praise to Our God!

November 9, 2001

My sweet Bella, each day I am learning more and more about being a mom! I am still trying to get used to the breastfeeding and you prefer to sleep in my arms, which makes showering and cleaning a little difficult! You are pretty mellow in the day but in the evening you get cranky! You will cry and cry until I am crying! I am told it is normal for newborns so I guess you’ll grow out of it eventually. I just want to keep you happy and content!

My favorite moments with you are at night when you sleep in my arms in our bed. Sometimes I will lie awake at night just to watch you sleep so peacefully in my arms. You’re so tiny and so beautiful! I love you, my little peanut! Thank you, my dear Lord for the gift of motherhood! Amen.

December 25, 2001

Bella’s First Christmas

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Postscript

August 2002

It’s been awhile since I’ve made long entries into my journal. There has been no time! Things have been hectic, especially with the recent move to our new home but it has been worth it. I love our little place and it will be much better for Bella to have a little more room to roam around. She is such a joy in our lives! She is loving & full of energy. Her inquisitiveness never ceases to amaze me (although Brian says she is just nosy like her mother!) and it troubles me that she will grow up thinking that her name is “No, Bella!” haha!

Ay, so much has happened over this last year and a half…some tears, a lot of laughs, and countless blessings. We’ve started a whole new chapter of our lives and the three of us are eager to see where God leads us in the months and years to come. Blessed be God forever!

January 2013

My little peanut Bella is now 11 years old and is growing up to be a beautiful young lady and wonderful big sister to her three younger brothers! She is still the sunshine to my heart and will always be my little baby. I love you, my Sweetie Girl.

7 Quick Takes – Top Posts of 2011

By bobbi
January 3, 2012
No Comments

Happy New Year! We are back in town, back to school, back to work and I’m back at my computer. I have a house full of Christmas decor that needs to be packed, suitcase that need to be unpacked, and huge messes wherever you look. The thought of tackling all that does not sound too appealing so for the moment I am going to make the posts I was supposed to do last week! This should have been posted 12/30/11 but I didn’t make it online until now. Oh, well. 😉
It’s funny that the top three most popular posts this year all had to do with Brian and I meeting, dating and marrying. I guess we are all suckers for a love story. It is also no surprise that the top three were all initiated by blogging queen and fashionista Betty Beguiles. So kick up your heels (or flats, in my case) and enjoy!

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

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Heart of Gratitude: Day 1 & The Email That Started It All (Engagement – Synopsis Version)
It’s been so busy lately that I hardly have any time online to blog or catch up on my google reader. I had a few moments this morning and I saw that Hailey started a “Heart of Gratitude” 14-day challenge for your husband. I looked at the date to see when it started and I realized it was today, November 9th, which is a special date for me and Brian.
It was thirteen years ago on November 1 when a young man left the seminary after a year and a half stay. He had discerned that it wasn’t his vocation and felt God calling him to a new chapter of his life. He thought about marriage but he had dated before and it never really worked out. He recalled reading about a new Catholic online dating service (AMSCOL) and gave them a try, filling out their questionnaire that day. Later he knelt before God and humbly poured out his heart. He told God that if he was called to the vocation of marriage, then God would have to place the girl on his doorstep. With a resolved sigh, he began the first day of his novena trusting that it was all in the hands of Our Lord and Our Lady. (Continue reading…)

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Our Engagement Story: An Answer to Prayer (Longer Version)
Yesterday Hallie at Betty Beguiles had the great idea of asking bloggers to post their engagement stories. It was so much fun to go back to my old journals and read about our early months together. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the romance when you are dealing with the every day busyness of raising little ones. It was a good reminder that Brian and I need to carve out a little alone time no matter how busy. I don’t have time to write out the story (I’m typing with one hand and holding a restless baby with the other) so instead I’ll just repost the story of our “courtship” which includes our engagement. Brian and wrote this together so you’ll get his side of the story too. (Also, after we were married I found the notes Brian used write down what he wanted to say when he proposed. I was so happy to find that because in the emotion of the moment I don’t think my mind was registering all the beautiful words he was saying to me. Now that they are in my scrapbook I can go back and relive them word for word. )

Now, on with the story…
BOBBI: In my late twenties, it started to become the family joke that if I was not married the age of thirty then I was going to pack my bags, move to Zimbabwe, live with the natives and die for a noble cause! (Okay, so I was a little dramatic.) Time was ticking and I was trying to grow closer to God and accept my singleness at the moment. My younger sister Elena suggested I try the website Single Catholics Online (now known as Ave Maria SCOL). I laughed at the idea, insisting that I was not desperate enough to look for a good Catholic husband on some dating service! She gave me that knowing look, smiled and walked out of the room saying, “Instead of crying about wanting a husband, get to work and check it out.” How does she know me so well? (Continue reading…)

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Betty’s Wedding Dress Round-Up
Betty at Betty Beguiles.com asked bloggers to share about their wedding dress and if they still loved it or wished they had done things differently.
When I was prepping for my wedding and looking for a dress I was a little worried since I hated wearing dresses to begin with and I’m a plus size and didn’t have as many choices as other brides-to-be. I remember my sister BC and I were shopping in Orange County and we decided to stop into a bridal store just to see styles and prices. After looking at the stick-thin girls and big price tags, I felt really out of place and didn’t stay very long. Shortly after, my family moved to the Calif high dessert where it was more “cowboy country” than we were used to. I was driving with JC, another one of my sisters, and we came across a local wedding boutique. It looked more home-town humble than high-class snooty so we stopped to take a look.
The sales lady was really nice and brought out some dresses in my size. The first one I tried on confirmed all my fears. It had a “western” look to it and in it I looked like a big, white marshmallow cowboy bride. I looked over at my sister who was in the dressing room with me and we bust out laughing. Not quiet-giggles laughing but the I’m-going-to-wet-my-pants-if-I-don’t-stop laughing. The sales woman came over and asked if anything was wrong. I bit my tongue hard enough to make myself calm down and told her that we were fine. I quickly changed and after a few more tries we came across a dress with an empire waist and I loved the way it looked and fit. I looked at the price tag and even the discounted $800 was more than I could really afford. But at least I now knew that there was a dress style that would work on me and not send me into hysterics.(Continue reading…)

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Those Perfect Catholic Moms Are Killing Me
I recently added a number of new blogs into my google reader and I’m sifting through them to see which ones I’ll read regularly and which ones are good but not where I am in life.
The first ones to go are the blogs that depress me. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that have countless posts by talented moms showing their beautiful gardens, their homemade baked goods and home cooked meals, their hand sewn clothes, and their Catholic craft of the day. I can take these in small doses but not all the time. Like I said, it depresses me.
And it’s not their fault. It’s mine. I just can’t seem to follow their lead. I’ve tried to garden. Truly, I have. In fact, just a few months ago I decided to start again but to keep it simple. No veggies or elaborate flower beds. Instead I have two simple window boxes of flowers and three herbs – basil, Italian parsley and cilantro. I was doing really well but as usual I forgot to water and not just once or twice but for days. Yesterday I went outside to check on my herbs and lo and behold, I’m the only person on my block to have a garden of dried herbs. (Dried… dead… is there really much difference?) Yeah, so gardens and I don’t do so well. (Continue reading…)

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Operation Clean & Organize: Vol 1
I’ve discussed in a number of previous posts (like here and here) about my battle with keeping a clean and organized house. I’m naturally messy and the amount of work I have to do to clean up and organize our house is overwhelming. However, it’s a project I want to undertake because it’s important to me. I think there is some truth to the saying “cleanliness is next to godliness.” Someone once told me that a person’s exterior life reflects their interior life. I don’t know if that is true but I do know that after awhile I get tired, frustrated and grouchy with all the piles of papers and junk and disorganized areas of the house. A house with little kids will never look like a museum – and never should – but I could definitely use a little more order in my life and I know the difference it makes.
When I do clean up an area and have it organized it makes my life run a little bit smoother. (Who can’t use that?!) I am more at peace and feel that I am better accomplishing my mission in life – to raise a happy family and make our home a little taste of heaven on earth as we work towards entering our eternal home. It is my small way of showing God that I love him – to put aside my natural messy tendencies and find the orderly and creative woman I know is lurking in there somewhere. (Continue reading…)

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Catholic Baby Shower Ideas
I’ve updated our main website Revolution of Love.com with ideas for a Catholic Baby Shower. I thought I’d post the prayers, activities and gift ideas on the blog as well.

Activity – The Catholic Baby Shower Rosary – Joyful Mysteries

The First Joyful Mystery: The Annunciation
The angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph. The angel said to Mary, “Hail full of grace! The Lord is with you. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:26-29, 38)
Blessed Mother, through your humility and obedience God’s plan of salvation was put into motion by a simple “yes.” May (NAME) be given the grace to say yes to God in the small and big things of her life, so that she, too, may participate in God’s plan of salvation through her vocation as a wife and mother. (Continue reading…)

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10 Year Anniversary: Where Were You on 9/11?
When I was younger I used to always wonder why people would ask “Where were you when Kennedy died?” I didn’t get what the big deal was. Now when someone asks me “Where were you on 9/11?” I understand perfectly what they were talking about. On 9/11 I was no where near NY. I was living in Pacific Grove, CA with Brian. I was almost 8 months pregnant with Bella. I woke up to kiss Brian goodbye for work and he told me I had better check the news because he saw online that there was news of a terrorist attack.
When I turned on the TV, I first thought a single terrorist flew his own plane into the Twin Towers. Then a realized a regular commercial flight with innocent people on board were made into human bombs. And not just one flight – many of them. I kept thinking that the Twin Tower workers probably never saw it coming but the people on the plane were aware and watching it unfold. I was dumbstruck until all I could do was sob. (Even now its hard to hold back the tears when I think about it.) I don’t think I ever got off the couch that day as I watched and cried. Brian came home and eventually made me turn off the TV so I’d stop thinking about it. (Continue reading…)

Revolution of Love

Do small things with great love.

Category Archives: pregnancy

{pretty, happy, funny, real} vol. 48 / 7 Quick Takes (10/12/12) Mash-Up: Preggers Boom, Words of Love & Target-aholics

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Good Bye, My Little One: The Story of A Miscarriage

A Mama’s Journal to Her Baby & Bella’s Birth Story

7 Quick Takes – Top Posts of 2011