(Although this isn’t posted until now, I wrote it this morn. 😉
It’s 5:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep since 4am. Matthew woke me up and he needed to be changed and fed. Since his bed is right next to mine I can usually do this quickly and fall right back to sleep, but not this morning.

Since it’s nice and cozy in my bed snuggled between my baby and my hubby I pulled out my iPhone (yes, I sleep with it) and opened up my google reader to find a ridiculous amount of posts waiting to be read. I must admit that although it is insanely early, it is so nice to be able to just relax and catch up on the news and activities of my fellow Catholic moms. I always find inspiration, humor and a little pep talk when I need it most.
God has a way of giving you exactly what you need when you need it.

As I was reading certain posts it brought to mind my experience at Confession on Saturday. It had been a rough couple of weeks and I could feel my insides all tied up in knots and stressed. I knew I had to make the most of this last week of Advent and Confession was the first step. After telling my sins to the priests he spoke to me about a few things but what struck me was his reminder that God’s gifts to me this Christmas are my husband and my children, despite any personal difficulties I may have in being a good wife and mother. It’s not as if I don’t already know that but it was as if my life flashed before my eyes and I saw a quick glimpse of how blessed I am and how much I take for granted. It moved me to tears. These tears were just what I needed since, coupled with God’s grace, they washed away all the muck in my soul and refreshed my spirit. It was just what I needed.

Of course, those moments after confession are like the moments after a retreat. You are gung ho “on the mountaintop” with Jesus but once you return to the real world, life can dampen your resolve. However, God gave me a quick reminder of Saturday’s lesson at four in the morning when I read It is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost by Kate Wicker. She spoke about whether or not we should bring our rambunctious younger children to Mass. I’m not entering that debate right now but what stood out most for me was this paragraph:

Yet, I kept thinking about a recent post over at Rosetta Stone. (I know I should have been paying more attention to Mass, but it was enough for me to be thinking about anything besides strangling my toddler.) Michelle wrote that, “Nothing compares to a three-year-old boy. Nothing.” I’m not going to start comparing who is harder – girls or boys. I loved what someone wrote after an older post of mine that wherever you’re at and whatever you’ve been given is probably the hardest for you. If God is trying to prune us and sanctify us through the vocation of parenthood, then it makes sense that He gives us just the kind of children we need – the kind that will push our buttons and throw us down to our knees and force us to realize that we cannot, absolutely cannot, do this on our own. We need Him. We need to keep a constant dialogue open with God throughout our days. Even when we find ourselves questioning everything about God – whether we’ll ever have a personal relationship with Him, whether He even really exists or cares deeply, profoundly about us and our children – we have to keep talking. We don’t have to pray like others pray. We have to pray as we pray. Sometimes we have to simply show up – and stay put once we’ve arrived even if every part of us is screaming to just go, escape, get the heck out of there before you or your child really loses it [at Mass].

“If God is trying to prune us and sanctify us through the vocation of parenthood, then it makes sense that He gives us just the kind of children we need…” I love that. It is so true. Our vocation is tailor made with small crosses (or big) that will sanctify us and lead us along our path to heaven. And we are never, never alone on our journey. We just have to always keep our eyes and hearts set on the Lord. Thank God that He is so patient with us and never stops reminding us and sending us what we need when we need it.

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