I want to take a moment to thank all the family and friends who send cards, emails, texts and messages of prayers, thoughts and condolences over the past few weeks. Many of you have been following us along on this journey for awhile, through my father-in-law’s illness and his passing, and have always been a source of support and comfort. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me and to my family.

It’s been a week since the funeral of my father-in-law (Bill) and it has given me some time to reflect on how his life touched those around him and the lessons he unknowingly taught me. I wanted to share a few of these thoughts with you.

My father-in-law Bill, me and newly baptized Baby Bella.

It’s Great to Be Loved

Sixteen years ago I met Bill when I flew 400 miles from my home to meet Brian’s parents for the first time. I was nervous and almost sick to my stomach but Bill’s warmth and friendliness won me over from the first moment.

After I married Brian I had a difficult time calling Bill “dad” because in my eyes there would never be another man who could take the place of my own daddy. I tried calling him by his first name (something he did not like) and then variations of dad – Pops, Papa, Father – but none of them fit. Finally, I settled on “dad” when I realized that although he would never take the place of my father in my heart, he had carved his own spot in my heart, allowing me to love him like a daughter.

It became a bit of a joke between me and my mother-in-law that I was Bill’s “sweetie.” My MIL would call me up and ask me to persuade dad to do something that was for his own good. If she asked him herself he would balk but if I asked he’d be much more willing to comply. We often did this to get dad to slow down and rest because he was always on the go. Resting became much easier for him if I had him sit with the kids and watch a DVD with them “so I could get some work done.”

I think part of the reason Bill loved me so much was because I gave him four grandchildren, something he never thought would happen while Brian was in the seminary. Luckily for him, that wasn’t Brian’s vocation. As a result, Bill received a daughter-in-law, his beloved granddaughter (who was the apple of his eye) and three lively grandsons that would carry on the family name.

Opa with Bella and Andrew. / Opa with John-Paul and Matthew.

Family Is Paramount

Family was everything to Bill and there was nothing he wouldn’t do to spend time with us or to help us out. It is an understatement to say that the kids were the joy of his life. He loved every minute he spent with them whether it was picking them up from school, attending their school functions, going for walks with them after school or watching a movie with them on the couch. They lit up his day and kept him young beyond his years. In turn, they had a close bond with him and loved their time with him. It wasn’t just the kids who received this special attention. He was always giving to Brian, myself, my mother-in-law and his sisters. He often told me that without family, nothing else mattered.

I Can Be Brave

Although my father-in-law had a gentle side to him, he was one of the most tenacious and determined men that I have ever known. Once something was in his head, nothing would stop him from accomplishing it. I remember when Brian and I were buying our first family car, Bill offered to negotiate the deal for us and we gladly accepted. The way he haggled with the salesman had Brian and me squirming uncomfortably in our seats. We were ready to give the salesman the few extra thousand dollars he wanted just to get out of there but Bill would not back down. After what seemed like an endless pulling and tugging the salesman finally relented and gave dad the price he wanted and the free extras he requested. It was a work of financial beauty. To this day whenever Brian or I have to deal with a situation that we want to avoid, I tell him that we need to channel our inner Opa and Get. It. Done.

Give with a Generous Heart

If there was one attribute that stood out the most in my father-in-law, it was his generosity. It was more than just being generous with his wallet, the man gave of himself. He lived Gospel charity. He was always there to lend a hand, do a favor and visit the lonely however tired or busy he might be. After his retirement, you would find him walking the halls of the local hospital or various nursing homes visiting the sick and bringing them communion. When friends or family were sick in the hospital he would be there to visit every, single day. He never wanted a person to feel alone or unloved. He was relentless in his service to the church and to the community, while never neglecting his own family. That is a rare feat.

Value Wisdom and a Broader View of the World

My father-in-law had a rich history of life. Coming to American from former Yugoslavia as a young man, serving in the army, building a new life in a new country, earning a Masters in political science, succeeding in business, raising a family and living nearly 90 years of life gave him wisdom and a broader view of the world than I could ever have. We didn’t always see eye to eye on politics or world events but he always gave me a better understanding of differing views and helped me to see the world beyond me with a more compassionate heart and wider worldview.

My Final Lesson         

In the final year of life, after my father-in-law’s stroke, you would think that there was little left he could teach us. But I think his deepest lesson was saved for last. It was difficult for all of us to watch Dad decline physically and mentally. It wasn’t easy to explain to the kids why Opa could no longer go on hikes with them or play soccer in the driveway.

He was still able to love us and he taught us how to love back unconditionally without expecting anything in return. He taught us to look beyond the aging body and faltering mind to see the strength and beauty of his spirit, to recall the wisdom he gave us and to duplicate his generosity. We saw the dignity and value of just being by his side and holding his hand when no words were left to be spoken. He taught us how to love, how to let go and how to hope that we will see each other once again in the presence of God. Those are lessons that can never be taken away from me or my family.

Some of my favorite photos of my father-in-law.

Thanks for all you gave me, Dad. I love you.

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