He is Risen! He is risen Indeed! I wish you and your loved ones a very blessed Easter season! I set aside blogging for Holy Week but I am back today with my Online Daybook.
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Moments of Gratitude…
Today I am especially thankful for
- Making it through Lent and for the first time feeling like I made a little spiritual progress.
- The joy of Easter.
- The giggles of the kids.
- The deliciousness of chocolate.
- Time with family.
Beauty in the Ordinary…
Bubbles on a spring day.
In the Kitchen…
M – Leftovers from Easter dinner.
T – Chicken Meatball and Tortellini Soup
W – Breakfast dinner – Pancakes
Th – Roasted chicken, brown rice and veggies
F – Leftovers
S – (Road trip to So Cal) Dinner at my mom and dad’s (woohoo!)
S – Dinner at my brother’s place. (Double woohoo!)
Praying…
- For Brian’s chemo and continued recovery from cancer.
- For all those who are fighting cancer and other illnesses.
- For all the pregnant mamas as well as those who are suffering from infertility or miscarriage.
- For those who entered into the Church this Easter.
- For the renewed faith of cradle Catholics.
- For those who are far from God and most in need of his mercy.
- For some special intentions.
On the homefront……
On the 16th, Brian and I celebrated the anniversary of our first date/first meeting face to face. It feel like it was just yesterday and not 15 years ago! I still remember how nervous I was. We met online though AMSCOL and had been emailing and talking on the phone for 4 1/2 months and I was almost certain he was the man I was going to marry even though I hadn’t even laid eyes on him yet. My last reservations melted away once we were together. Everything clicked. I knew I would love him for the rest of my life.
Fast forward eight months from that first date and I was vowing before God to love Brian for better and for worse, in sickness and in health. Well, my chance to love him in sickness is here. I knew Brian wouldn’t be able to go on a real date for our anniversary so I planned a little after hours date and made a special dessert for us to share after the kids went to bed. However, Brian was feeling really tired and in a lot of pain from the chemo so he went to go take a nap after dinner. The first week after his first chemo treatment was tough for him but, in his words, this second cycle was 100x worse than the first. Brian didn’t just take a nap after dinner. He was out for the rest of the night. Like a mom with a newborn baby, a few times I checked on him to make sure he was still breathing since he has never slept that long. So I didn’t get to celebrate with him but at least he was alive and fighting for us.
I know many of you are praying for us – I can feel the grace keeping me upright. It’s hard at times. The following day Brian came home from work (he tries to put in a few hours each day in order to keep our insurance) and I could see how tired he was and that his whole body was aching. I told him to go to bed and get some rest and I had my father -in-law come over and babysit the kids so I could keep a dentist appointment that I had. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned was like having a mini spa day but I’ll take what I can get.
When I came home I made dinner. Brian ate a little then went back to bed. As I cleaned up the dishes and put in another load of laundry and got the kids ready for bed and wiped behinds I couldn’t help but feel resentful. Not of Brian, but of the cancer. It feel like it is stealing my husband and stealing our life together. I hate it. I hate seeing Brian like this. I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling hateful. I hadn’t cried in awhile but that night I let the tears fall. It helped.
On Easter morning, there was joy in the Risen Lord but also pain that we are still carrying our cross. It was a weird sensation. But we are hanging in there. I’m hoping that this next week will ease up a bit for Brian and he can catch his breath. He is having a couple of “red flags” in his side effects so he has to talk to the doctor and check and make sure his dosage doesn’t need to be lowered. Next week Brian has an “off” week without chemo and we are praying that he feels better so he can join me and the kids for our road trip to see my family.
Pondering…
In that same train of thought, I know that the crosses we carry are meant to be our road to salvation. If we allow it, our crosses can draw us closer to God and bring us deeper into his love. So I keep thinking, what is God trying to teach me? How do I, as a wife, fight and hate this cancer yet embrace it as the cross I am to carry right now. I have a long way to go but I think it has already drawn me to a less superficial faith in God. I have to dig deep to trust in God. I have to go deeper in my prayer life. I can’t just rattle off a few prayers to check it off a list. I need to truly connect with God or I am a raving lunatic the whole day.
When I was a kid my mom used to love listening to John Michael Talbot, who now looks like Gandolf but still has a lovely voice. Since I’ve been married I have gotten in the habit of playing his music during Lent since it put me in a quiet and prayerful mood. On Good Friday I was listening to his album Come to the Quiet and his song Psalm 62 brought tears to my eyes. It is exactly what I am clinging to right now.
1 [For the choirmaster . . . Jeduthun Psalm Of David] In God alone there is rest for my soul, from him comes my safety;
2 he alone is my rock, my safety, my stronghold so that I stand unshaken.
3 How much longer will you set on a victim, all together, intent on murder, like a rampart already leaning over, a wall already damaged?
4 Trickery is their only plan, deception their only pleasure, with lies on their lips they pronounce a blessing, with a curse in their hearts.Pause
5 Rest in God alone, my soul! He is the source of my hope.
6 He alone is my rock, my safety, my stronghold, so that I stand unwavering.
7 In God is my safety and my glory, the rock of my strength. In God is my refuge;
8 trust in him, you people, at all times. Pour out your hearts to him, God is a refuge for us.
9 Ordinary people are a mere puff of wind, important people a delusion; set both on the scales together, and they are lighter than a puff of wind.
10 Put no trust in extortion, no empty hopes in robbery; however much wealth may multiply, do not set your heart on it.
11 Once God has spoken, twice have I heard this: Strength belongs to God,
12 to you, Lord, faithful love; and you repay everyone as their deeds deserve.
Source – Catholic.org
Around the house…
The Easter celebration aftermath that has yet to be cleaned up.
Reading…
The same as last time. I’m just about done with both.
The Everyday Catholic’s Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours
Listening to…
We are on Easter break so I hear A LOT of boy chatter, laughter, yelling and fighting. There is a constant chorus of “No fighting boys” and “Hands to yourself” coming out of my mouth all day long.
Watching…
I miss The Walking Dead. Luckily, I forgot I had a rain check from Target sitting in my purse so I redeemed it and picked up the first season on blu ray for only $10. Score. Since we are on Easter break and Brian is in bed early I can stay up and catch up on some shows siting in my DVR forever including The Originals, Mindy Project, Trophy Wife and Revenge. (Revenge was losing me this season but if Emily gets back to her red sharpie I may not cut her off. ) š
On the blog…
Tomorrow is our Pinterest Party and I’m still not sure what to post about… whole wheat baked chocolate donuts I baked or a new daily planner page I made and will share.
In the blogosphere…
Yesterday I meant to link up with Kendra (who is my current fave) for Answer Me This but I never got around to it (Easter and all, you know…) so I’ll answer her questions here instead.
1. What did you and your family wear to Mass on Easter Sunday?
I forgot to take full shots of Brian and myself so a head shot will have to do… picture this with a black skirt (Old Navy) and mary jane heels that were promptly kicked off the moment I got out of Mass. They are super cute but I loathe wearing anything but flats or converse. š I was actually going to wear a pink sweater but Brian requested this same bluish one (Macys) because it is his favorite.Ā Just when you think they never notice what you wear… š The pearls used to belong to Brian’s grandma. Brian’s mom gave them to me and one day they will go to Bella. (She likes dressing up as much as I do but we do our duty. LOL.)
Bella was looking pretty in lavender (dress from Target) and the boys all wanted to wear blue. (Pull overs from H&M, plaid shirts form Carters and jeans from Target.)
I don’t know if it is the stereotypical laid back California attitude but we are casual dressers, even on formal occasions. Dressing up means pairing the boys’ jeans and converse with a plaid shirt and pullover. š
2. Easter Bunny: thumbs up or thumbs down?
Thumbs up. Our Easter bunny comes while we are at Easter Mass. He hides plastic eggs in our house and the kids find them. If they find all their color coded eggs then they get their Easter basket. When they hunt for eggs at their Oma and Opa’s house they know they (not the Easter Bunny) hid them in their backyard.
3. Do you prefer to celebrate holidays at your own house or at someone else’s house?
I like when family comes over to my house for dinner on “ordinary” days. For the big holidays we keep the morning time for us. Opening presents or Easter baskets, having a mini breakfast feast and lounging the rest of the day. Then we head over to Brian’s family for Easter (or Christmas) dinner. I prefer it that way because the thought of cooking a big meal for everyone stresses me out. Thanksgiving, however, must be spent with my family in So Cal or I’ll cry. LOL.
4. What is your favorite kind of candy?
Oh, that’s a tough one…. it would be a tie between Resses peanut butter cups, snickers, almond joy and peanut M&M’s. Although these days I am trying to stick to dark chocolate covered almonds. when I need a chocolate fix. Both are “health foods,” you know. š
5. Do you like video games?
Um…no. Yesterday I downloaded Angry Birds Go the go cart game for the kids and I tried to play it. How come I know how to drive yet I can’t steer a stupid iphone video game?? After crashing four times in a row Andrew picked it up and won on his first try. I give up.
6. Do you speak another language?
I wish I could say Spanish but I only know phrases like “more cheese on my tacos, please” so I don’t think that counts. It’s tough when other Mexican people come up to me and ask me for help in Spanish and I have to tell them I don’t speak Spanish. I’m like an Oreo cookie – dark on the outside but white on the inside. š I’ll have to add “learn more Spanish” on my bucket list.
Pinned…
I haven’t had time for Pinterest lately but I did pin these two.
Catholic All Year: Baby Steps to Living the Liturgical Year as a Family
Tuscan Kale Salad from A Mama Collective
Plans for the Week…
Source – My sis JC
If all goes well, we will be leaving this week for So Cal for a going away party for my brother -in-law Mick who is being deployed to Afghanistan, a college graduation party for my brother Rob and then heading to Disneyland for a few days. š If Brian is well, he’ll come with us and then take it easy at my parent’s house or the hotel if he’s not up to DL. If he stays home he can rest in peace and quiet without all of us noisemakers in the house. Either way, I need this trip so I can get a little familia recharge. Nothing like a hug from mom and dad and laughter from my siblings to make me feel energized again. š
Captured…
Since I had Psalm 62 on my mind…
Okay, it seems like it took me days to finally finish this Daybook so I’m linking it up at all my favorite spots…
Have a great day/evening. š
UPDATE: Brian just got home and he looks a lot better than he did last night. He said he had a bit more energy today and was able to work 6 hours so I’m praying he is on the upswing again. Thanks for keeping us in prayer! xoxo
PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads, Letterboxd or Instagram. š
Ahhh my heart breaks for you and your family. So happy to hear he had a better day today and is getting some of his strength back. I can only imagine how hard it is to see the source of strength (outside of The Lord) for your family down and out. You certainly sound like you are surrounded in grace with all your beautiful insights. Praying for you guys! And thanks for linking up! // Mary @ A Mama Collective
Hi Mary, I am late in responding but thanks for the prayers and kind words! It really is an unnerving situation to see the one who is your strength (outside of God) so physically weak. Thankfully as a few more days passed, the worse of the cycle was over and Brian was much more himself. We truly had a wonderful trip and I treasure it. God is good, even when it feels like everything else sucks. LOL. š
Oh Bobbi, you all are in my heart and prayers. I am so glad you got a good cry. That always makes me feel better and the world look a little less grim. Sounds like you need to be babied while visiting your parents. Enjoy your time with them.
Thanks, Jenny. I seriously needed a little TLC from mom and dad and that’s just what I got. I was renewed. Plus, Brian finally passed through the worst of the cycle and was more like himself for the trip. We really had a great time. š
Keeping you and Brian in my prayers.
You are so right about John Michael Talbot looking like Gandalf. Your comment gave me a little chuckle.
Have a blessed Easter!
Thanks, Erica. The prayers are appreciated! I hope you and the family are enjoying a blessed Easter season. (And I am seriously thinking of watching LOTR tonight!) š
God bless you for staying strong. We are praying for your husband, and all of you really – here at our house.
Your family is beautiful. Enjoy your visit with your parents.
Gorgeous. Gorgeous pictures.
Blessings,
Em
Thanks so much, Em. I am late in responding so some time has passed since I wrote that post. Thankfully, Brian made it though the worse of it and was much better during our trip. Everyone couldn’t believe how good he looked considering what he was going through. This third cycle (which we started Monday) has been a little better than last so we are thanking God for the grace to be almost half way dine with treatment once we complete this cycle. God is good. š
Bobbi, prayers for you and your family! There was so much beauty captured in this post mixed with the reality of your struggle and pains. I wish this cup would pass, I can’t imagine my husband fighting cancer and the trials that would involve. You are and will always be in my constant prayers. Also, I will be asking a friend of mine who passed away from cancer at the age of 26 for intercession. He was an amazing husband, father of three, and friend who I know was embraced into Heaven the moment he took his last breath – a saint among us. We all know we knew a man who would go straight to His Father in Heaven and I know his prayers for your family will be incredible and brought to Our Lord. Our dear friend, Matthew Coles, pray for this beautiful family!.
Wow, Amanda. How beautiful. Thanks for the words of encouragement and the prayers. It truly touches my heart. Thankfully some time has passed since I wrote that post and Brian pushed though it and was feeling better by the time we took our trip. It was great to get away and enjoy each others company like we used to. I, too, will ask for Matthew to pray for us. Although, my heart goes out to his family. 26…that is the age of my little brother. (One of them.) I can’t imagine what that must be like. No matter what I have to endure with this whole situation, I keep reminding myself that Brian is still alive and kicking. He is here with us and we haven’t been separated. We continue to fight and pray that God keeps us together for many, many more years to come. Anyway, a big xoxo to you. š
Bobbi! You know you and Brian have my prayers! Chemo is rough. Cancer stinks. It exhausts the living daylights out of the recipient AND their families. However..it doesn’t last forever. We can do ANYTHING for a period in our lives, because God equips us daily for the task at hand, and all we have to do is be thankful for the gift of the day.
Cancer is NOT stealing your life with Brian away, because your life is so much more than these temporary, crummy side effects. You can do this. Brian can do this. Your kids can do this. One day at a time until the chemo days are done. As I get nearer to the end of my own journey (fifteen doses done, three more infusions to go!!) I’ve been telling myself “just one more day” a LOT.
Well, that and my most favorite self-motivating phrase, “Suck It Up, Buttercup!” š
And here’s a funny mind picture for you – I was able to go to mass on Easter Morning, but I fell asleep in church like a toddler. I don’t think anyone noticed.
Angela Pea
Hi Angela, it has taken me awhile but thanks for the comment! As usual, it was just what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. LOL. In fact, I quoted part of your comment in a recent post here – http://wp.me/p38TEY-19B. Brian did make it through and by the time we were at my parents house he was feeling considerably better. (Well, still off but nothing like before.) Everyone was impressed by how well he looked considering. He was even out playing basketball with the boys and having a great time. š Actually, the doctor was concerned about the level of some of his side effects so he altered his dosage going into round three on Monday. He has still been sick but not as bad as that second round, thank God. I just keep remembering your words, one day at a time. It reminds me of the motto I used to use when the kids were newborns – “and this too shall pass.” Just knowing that the pain won’t last forever and that it is only temporary makes it more bearable. Although truth be told, I am changing all my mottos to “suck it up, buttercup.” LOL. Love that! Anyway, thanks again for your love and prayers. You are an incredible woman, Angela. I am thankful you came into our lives. š