14) & Embracing the Cross

By bobbi
February 26, 2014
5 Comments

Today is Day 3 of my participation in Jen’s 7 Posts in 7 Days Challenge and I am rethinking my decision to participate because right now I am exhausted and I am too tired to think. LOL. There is a rain storm outside and we are thanking God for it since this is only the third time we have gotten rain all winter. I forgot what it sounded like to have the rain pounding and the wind shake the windows. On nights like this Brian always wants to watch a mystery for movie night so I am sure he will want to tonight too.

Speaking of my sweet man, today Brian had his outpatient surgery to put a port in his chest for his chemo treatments, which start March 10th. (If you are squeamish or afraid of needles this may be TMI.) Basically, the port is small medical device inserted beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein and it is used to inject the chemo or draw blood. It looks like this. Just picture it under the skin.

Source

Thankfully the whole process only took about 3 hours and he was back home resting by late this afternoon. After the procedure I helped him get dressed and as I was kneeling on the floor putting on his socks and shoes for him, I looked up at him and he smiled at me and my heart was filled with love. I know I am selfish and I complain a lot and I get bent out of shape when things don’t go my way, but in that moment, I was happy to be on the floor helping him dress. It was my little way of telling him that I loved him and that I appreciated all the love he gives to me and the kids. And that we value every moment that he is here with us. Yeah, a lot to say over a pair of socks but the grace must have been flowing. 😉

This whole fight with cancer is something that we never wanted. However, in the last month there have been emotional and spiritual things revealed to us – as individuals and as a couple that have brought us closer to God and closer to each other. I know Brian has been through a lot this past month and physically the cancer had weakened him and made him sick, but he has fought bravely and grown stronger physically and spiritually. When I was talking to him this morning before his surgery he was joking around with me and I saw a look of happiness and playfulness that had been missing for awhile. I can see God working in him and I pray and hope and trust that God will continue to strengthen Brian and heal him.

But isn’t that how God so often works. Something terrible happens and suffering is endured but when we trust in God, we allow him to do amazing things. He can take the ugly and make something beautiful. He can lift us up off the floor and help us to walk once again. He can take our weakness and make us strong. He can take our doubt and replace it with faith. He can perform miracles. It is not easy since it requires us to first kiss the cross but with it comes the embrace of the resurrection.

Once again, thanks for the continued prayers. Please keep them coming. Brian is ready to watch that mystery movie so time to sign off. 🙂

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads or Instagram. 😉

7 Quick Takes (1/30/14): Brian Comes Home, Mr. Knightly Inspires & Twue Wuv Lives

By bobbi
January 30, 2014
6 Comments

I’m linking up with beloved Jen for this week’s 7 Quick Takes.

~ 1 ~

It’s been a loooong week. Brian went in for surgery last Friday and it has been a roller coaster ride of good moments and bad moments. However, all I can think about now is that I get to take this handsome man home tomorrow! (It’s Thurs night now so he comes home Friday.) We are ecstatic! I told the kids they could stay home from school and we are having a welcome home party instead. 🙂 Woohoo!

Brian will still need to go through chemo but he can’t do anything until his body is completely healed from the surgery. (He is still in some pain and barely getting used to food again.) The doc talked to him today and said the “good news” is that his panel of 16 nodes showed cancer in only one node. It is hard to think of that as good news. But then we found out that another patient down the hall had a panel of 22 nodes examined and he had cancer in all 22 nodes. Yeah, I guess when you look at it from his perspective, Brian is lucky. The doc said Brian is strong and (comparatively) young so once he gets his strength back, he can fight and beat this. We are praying that he does!

~ 2 ~

My mom and my sisters are back home now so I’ll be managing the house, the kids and Brian’s recovery solo. It’s a little daunting but I know God is using this opportunity to help me grow in the virtues I struggle with the most like patience and selflessness and fortitude. Yeah, this is going to be really interesting. 😉

~ 3 ~

This week was the 201st anniversary of Pride and Prejudice. In honor of the day, I ordered the Jane Austen bookmarks I mentioned in last week’s Five Favorites. Okay, truth be told, I had no idea it was the 201st anniversary when I ordered them. It was just a coincidence. However, I danced a little jig when happy mail arrived from the UK. 😉

~ 4~

Speaking of Pride and Prejudice, as much as I love the book, it is not my favorite Austen novel. Persuasion is actually my favorite. I also love Emma but that is more because I fell in love with Mr. Knightly at a time when I was choosing all the wrong kind of men. Mr. Knightly was my inspiration that lead me to dating Brian. In fact, I think I have a post about Mr. Knightly in my draft folder. I should find it and finish it. In the meantime, what’s your favorite Austen novel?

~ 5 ~

Speaking of posts in my Drafts folder, I forgot I had to finish the post about my planner. I am big on making check lists because if I don’t, all that info just pours out of my brain like a sieve. My planner is a collection of my to do lists and other info. I’ll finish it up and post it, hopefully, on Tuesday. 🙂

~ 6 ~

There is still time to join this week’s Pinterest Party and Link-up. My sister linked up a recipe she found on Pinterest for grain free chocolate donuts. For being a healthy treat, they look delicious! I definitely want to try them. 🙂

~ 7 ~

And since I am mentioning family, congrats to my little brother Jake who recently got engaged. I am so excited to welcome Amanda into our big, crazy family. 🙂

Okay, time for bed. Have a great night/day!

Dear Diary: Brian’s Recovery & Dealing with Cancer (1/29/14)

By bobbi
January 29, 2014
1 Comment

Previous Post – Dear Diary: Chronicling the Last Few Days & An Update on Brian (1/26/14)

* * * * *

Monday, January 27, 2014 – 2:05 PM

That’s My Boy – I just came back from visiting Brian in the hospital and today has been a great day so far. He was finally able to get out of bed and sit in a chair without getting sick. Minor, I know, but after being cooped up in bed for so long it was a big first step. However, what I loved the most is that I saw “my Brian” again…not the worried, sick Brian with a forced smile that has been there lately, but the happy, joking, twinkle in his eye Brian that I have been missing. It warmed my heart to be with that guy again. 🙂

We still haven’t gotten any results back from the biopsy but we’re praying for the best.

* * * * *

Tuesday, January 28, 2014 – 10:46 PM

I wish I could say that today was another great day but it wasn’t…………… Ugh. I’m staring at the screen and I am so exhausted physically and emotionally that I can’t get any words out. I’m calling it a night and coming back tomorrow. Night.

* * * * *

Wednesday, January 29, 2014 – 8:28 AM

Good news – Good morning. I got a decent sleep last night so I am feeling better. As I was saying before, yesterday was not a great day, although there were some good points too. Okay, first the good news, they unplugged some of the machines Brian was hooked up to and he was able to get out of bed and walk a couple times up and down the corridor with his IV pole. Yay!

He has also graduated from ice chips only to beef broth and jello, which is good. Now we just have to make sure all his bodily functions are working properly. When I came for my afternoon visit, I was excited to see him sitting up and eating. He chatted about some crazy reality TV show he saw the night before and tried not to laugh too hard because it hurt to laugh. There was my ol’ sweet guy again, not to mention he was looking cute in that beard he is growing out. 😉

Bad News – But then we heard from his cancer doc. Although we don’t have the final results to his biopsy yet, his panels showed that there was a bit on cancer in his lymph nodes. We discussed our options and for now, Brian will be having chemo every two weeks for the next six months. The doses are lower and he (hopefully) won’t lose his hair but we were still trying to avoid this all together. Sigh.

Well, it is what it is and we just have to deal with it. Right now I have to focus on Brian getting stronger so he can leave the hospital and come back home.

Teach Me Your Paths – A friend was asking me how I was doing with all of this…I’m okay. I think having my sisters here earlier and now mom here has been a huge emotional support. Not to mention that my mom has been cleaning everything so I have a clean house on top of it all. But she leaves tomorrow and I’ve got to learn to do it solo.

I’ve been trying to put my trust in God and not worry about it but that is always easier said than done. Sometimes I don’t have any words left to pray or I think why bother praying, what’s going to happen is going to happen anyway. That is more my tiredness talking than me because I don’t really believe that. In those moments I just say, “Lord, I can’t get the words out but you know my heart completely so no words are necessary. I just want to rest my head on You.”

Through all this God is stretching me and teaching me. I can’t help but think of Psalm 25:4, “Make me know your ways, O, Lord; Teach me your paths.” There are many more lessons to come.

* * * * *

Thank you, thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I’ll keep you posted. Love you guys.

UPDATE: 7 Quick Takes (1/30/14): Brian Comes Home

Dear Diary: Chronicling the Last Few Days & An Update on Brian’s Cancer (1/26/14)

By bobbi
January 27, 2014
5 Comments

A new day brings new hope.

Previous cancer post – Theme of 2014: Work and Pray

***

Friday, January 24, 2014, 12:15 PM (Brian has surgery to remove cancer from his colon.)

Learning to Surrender – I am sitting here in the waiting room while Brian is having his surgery. I brought my laptop to the hospital because I knew that writing would keep me busy and help me to sort through the various emotions rushing around inside of me.

This morning after dropping off Bella and Andrew at school I went to the chapel to say a prayer. I quietly went in and slipped into the back pew. When I looked up I saw that Jesus was exposed in the Blessed Sacrament. It took me by surprise and gratitude filled my heart. It felt like a gentle reminder that Our Lord is there present and I need not worry. I poured my heart out to Him and just let the tears flow. As I sat there one question kept coming to mind – “What is the worse thing that you can imagine happening? My answer – Brian does not survive the surgery and I lose him. Then a voice within my heart said, “Even if the worse were to happen, I would give you the strength to endure.” Something in me clicked. No matter what happened, I must love and trust God above all else.

It reminded me of when I was first dating Brian. There was a point where I was convinced that he was the man I was going to marry but he was still not sure if he was cut out to be a husband and father. I remember on one of my lunch breaks from work, I went to the local church and slipped in while it was empty. I poured my heart out to God. I told him that although I felt strongly that Brian was meant to be my husband, I had to accept that God may be calling him to Himself as a monk or religious. (He had already left the seminary before I met him but he was still debating about monastic life.) I placed Brian in the hands of Jesus and Mary and asked God for the grace and strength to accept His will, whatever it may be.

I had that same feeling in my present situation with Brian. I know God is completely capable of giving us a miracle, and we are praying for one, but I also know that sometimes God has other plans. Whatever the case, I had to reach the point of just letting go completely and know deep in my heart that no matter what, God will give me the grace and strength to get through it. Either way… however it ends up… my trust and faith has to be in God. That is not the easiest thing to accept, let alone live, but I pray that God gives me the grace to do so.

Well, Brian has been in surgery for two hours now and they are about half way through. Time to close the computer and say another rosary.

Fri – 2:30 PM

The First Hurdle: The Surgery – The doctor finally came out around after 3 1/2 hours. He is very nice and very good at what he does but he is also a stoic man so when he walked towards me and my father-in-law with a severe look on his face I thought, “Ohmygosh, Brian died on the operating table.” Without change of expression he said, “It all went well.” It took a minute for the words to register but once they did, what a relief. The surgery was more difficult this time around since the cancer was embedded deep into his colon. Thank God that with the use of modern technology and cutting edge tools, they were able to get in there and remove it. While Brian was cut open he also inspected his other organs and saw that they were clean. He was pleased with the operation and said Brian looked clean but on the other hand, he looked clean after the first operation but the cancer still came back. He said it is rare for that to happen since most of the patients in Brian’s situation remain cancer free.

Next they will do a biopsy and we’ll meet with Brian’s cancer doctor to find out what stage the cancer is and whether or not he will need to to have chemo. We are hoping we can avoid it although they are worried that in Brian’s case he may need it anyway. But I can’t think about that right now. I am just happy that my sweetheart is alive and recuperating. So, so happy!! We jumped over the first major hurdle and we’ll handle the next hurdle when it comes.

I am also incredibly grateful to everyone that has lifted us in prayer. I cannot express how much it means to us to have so many people praying for us and caring for us. It is a true example of how we are all one family united in Christ – brothers and sisters looking out for one another. It brings tears to my eyes. 🙂

Thank you, God, for showing mercy on your son Brian and on our family. Please continue to heal him and make him strong once again.

* * *

Sunday, January 26, 2014 – 11:30 AM

It’s Sunday morning and I am in the hospital room with Brian. He is really tired so I told him to close his eyes and get some rest and I’ll stay with him and do a little writing. He smiled and closed his eyes.

Yesterday was a difficult day. Brian was having a hard time with the pain and the stress of the operation was taking a toll on his body. He had gotten a fever and his heart rate was up and his oxygen down. At one point when they tried to sit him up he got the shakes and became ill. They said it is not uncommon considering what Brian has been through, but I felt so bad for him. I could see that it troubled him. I told him not to worry and that he just needs to give his body time to heal and get better. It was only the first day after the surgery!

The next morning (today) he seems in better spirits and in less pain, although he is still very tired. He will have his physical therapy later today and hopefully he does better this time.

Star Wars/Superheroes vs The Aunts (Photo by Bridgette)

Sisters, Sisters… – My sisters have been doing an awesome job at keeping the kids occupied, not to mention making my house sparkle! Bella and the boys were eager to finally go see Brian. He loved seeing them as much as they loved seeing him, although I could tell it troubled Bella to see her big, strong daddy sick in bed. John-Paul was a chatterbox and kept saying, “What the heck?! Daddy, why are you in that bed?” Andrew was quiet with wide eyes and Matthew wanted to know when Doc McStuffins was arriving. 🙂 It was nice that Brian could have a little taste of home in the hospital. 🙂

Sunday – 10:30 PM

I just got home from visiting Brian. We watched Downton Abbey together and by the end of it we were both tired so I kissed him good night and drive home. I hated saying goodbye and this bed feels awfully empty without him in it. I am praying for the day we can bring him home again.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and words of support!!! I’m not sure how long Brian will have to stay int he hospital but he won’t be able to eat for 5-7 days until everything heals up. In the meantime, please continue to pray for Brian as he heals – both for his body and his soul, that his spirits stay high and that he realizes how much inner strength he possesses. Have a good night. Love you guys. 😉

UPDATE: Dear Diary: Brian’s Recovery & Dealing with Cancer (1/29/14)

St. Peregrine Novena for Cancer Patients

By bobbi
January 8, 2014
1 Comment

A big thank you to all of you who commented, emailed, facebooked and instagrammed your prayers and support for Brian. We truly appreciate it!

I was having a difficult morning and could not stop the tears but after reading a few of your emails and the encouraging words, I was was able to take a deep breath and get a grip. Plus, now that we have a course of action in play, I feel more on track to help Brian fight this.

Brian did meet with his surgeon today and they looked over his tests and it seems that the cancer has not spread to any other areas, so that’s good. He is scheduled to have surgery Friday, January 24. Thankfully, my sister will come up to watch the kids so I can spend time with Brian in the hospital and when she leaves my mom will come up to help while he is in recovery. I am incredibly grateful.

Also, a number of you also mentioned that PrayMoreNovenas.com is currently praying a Novena to St. Peregrine for cancer patients. We missed the first day, which started yesterday but we will join them and pray Day One and Day Two tonight in order to catch up. I hope you’ll join us too.

Thanks again. I’ll keep you posted.

Love,

Revolution of Love

Do small things with great love.

Tag Archives: brian

Day 3 of 7: An Update on Brian (2/26/14) & Embracing the Cross

7 Quick Takes (1/30/14): Brian Comes Home, Mr. Knightly Inspires & Twue Wuv Lives

Dear Diary: Brian’s Recovery & Dealing with Cancer (1/29/14)

Dear Diary: Chronicling the Last Few Days & An Update on Brian’s Cancer (1/26/14)

St. Peregrine Novena for Cancer Patients