Revolution of Love

Revolution of Love

Do small things with great love.

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Tag Archives: family chit chat

Dear Diary: Brian’s Recovery & Dealing with Cancer (1/29/14)

Previous Post – Dear Diary: Chronicling the Last Few Days & An Update on Brian (1/26/14)

* * * * *

Monday, January 27, 2014 – 2:05 PM

That’s My Boy – I just came back from visiting Brian in the hospital and today has been a great day so far. He was finally able to get out of bed and sit in a chair without getting sick. Minor, I know, but after being cooped up in bed for so long it was a big first step. However, what I loved the most is that I saw “my Brian” again…not the worried, sick Brian with a forced smile that has been there lately, but the happy, joking, twinkle in his eye Brian that I have been missing. It warmed my heart to be with that guy again. 🙂

We still haven’t gotten any results back from the biopsy but we’re praying for the best.

* * * * *

Tuesday, January 28, 2014 – 10:46 PM

I wish I could say that today was another great day but it wasn’t…………… Ugh. I’m staring at the screen and I am so exhausted physically and emotionally that I can’t get any words out. I’m calling it a night and coming back tomorrow. Night.

* * * * *

Wednesday, January 29, 2014 – 8:28 AM

Good news – Good morning. I got a decent sleep last night so I am feeling better. As I was saying before, yesterday was not a great day, although there were some good points too. Okay, first the good news, they unplugged some of the machines Brian was hooked up to and he was able to get out of bed and walk a couple times up and down the corridor with his IV pole. Yay!

He has also graduated from ice chips only to beef broth and jello, which is good. Now we just have to make sure all his bodily functions are working properly. When I came for my afternoon visit, I was excited to see him sitting up and eating. He chatted about some crazy reality TV show he saw the night before and tried not to laugh too hard because it hurt to laugh. There was my ol’ sweet guy again, not to mention he was looking cute in that beard he is growing out. 😉

Bad News – But then we heard from his cancer doc. Although we don’t have the final results to his biopsy yet, his panels showed that there was a bit on cancer in his lymph nodes. We discussed our options and for now, Brian will be having chemo every two weeks for the next six months. The doses are lower and he (hopefully) won’t lose his hair but we were still trying to avoid this all together. Sigh.

Well, it is what it is and we just have to deal with it. Right now I have to focus on Brian getting stronger so he can leave the hospital and come back home.

Teach Me Your Paths – A friend was asking me how I was doing with all of this…I’m okay. I think having my sisters here earlier and now mom here has been a huge emotional support. Not to mention that my mom has been cleaning everything so I have a clean house on top of it all. But she leaves tomorrow and I’ve got to learn to do it solo.

I’ve been trying to put my trust in God and not worry about it but that is always easier said than done. Sometimes I don’t have any words left to pray or I think why bother praying, what’s going to happen is going to happen anyway. That is more my tiredness talking than me because I don’t really believe that. In those moments I just say, “Lord, I can’t get the words out but you know my heart completely so no words are necessary. I just want to rest my head on You.”

Through all this God is stretching me and teaching me. I can’t help but think of Psalm 25:4, “Make me know your ways, O, Lord; Teach me your paths.” There are many more lessons to come.

* * * * *

Thank you, thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I’ll keep you posted. Love you guys.

UPDATE: 7 Quick Takes (1/30/14): Brian Comes Home

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads or Instagram. 😉

Dear Diary: Chronicling the Last Few Days & An Update on Brian’s Cancer (1/26/14)

A new day brings new hope.

Previous cancer post – Theme of 2014: Work and Pray

***

Friday, January 24, 2014, 12:15 PM (Brian has surgery to remove cancer from his colon.)

Learning to Surrender – I am sitting here in the waiting room while Brian is having his surgery. I brought my laptop to the hospital because I knew that writing would keep me busy and help me to sort through the various emotions rushing around inside of me.

This morning after dropping off Bella and Andrew at school I went to the chapel to say a prayer. I quietly went in and slipped into the back pew. When I looked up I saw that Jesus was exposed in the Blessed Sacrament. It took me by surprise and gratitude filled my heart. It felt like a gentle reminder that Our Lord is there present and I need not worry. I poured my heart out to Him and just let the tears flow. As I sat there one question kept coming to mind – “What is the worse thing that you can imagine happening? My answer – Brian does not survive the surgery and  I lose him. Then a voice within my heart said, “Even if the worse were to happen, I would give you the strength to endure.” Something in me clicked. No matter what happened, I must love and trust God above all else.

It reminded me of when I was first dating Brian. There was a point where I was convinced that he was the man I was going to marry but he was still not sure if he was cut out to be a husband and father. I remember on one of my lunch breaks from work, I went to the local church and slipped in while it was empty. I poured my heart out to God. I told him that although I felt strongly that Brian was meant to be my husband, I had to accept that God may be calling him to Himself as a monk or religious. (He had already left the seminary before I met him but he was still debating about monastic life.) I placed Brian in the hands of Jesus and Mary and asked God for the grace and strength to accept His will, whatever it may be.

I had that same feeling in my present situation with Brian. I know God is completely capable of giving us a miracle, and we are praying for one, but I also know that sometimes God has other plans. Whatever the case, I had to reach the point of just letting go completely and know deep in my heart that no matter what, God will give me the grace and strength to get through it. Either way… however it ends up…  my trust and faith has to be in God. That is not the easiest thing to accept, let alone live, but I pray that God gives me the grace to do so.

Well, Brian has been in surgery for two hours now and they are about half way through. Time to close the computer and say another rosary.

Fri – 2:30 PM

The First Hurdle: The Surgery – The doctor finally came out around after 3 1/2 hours. He is very nice and very good at what he does but he is also a stoic man so when he walked towards me and my father-in-law with a severe look on his face I thought, “Ohmygosh, Brian died on the operating table.” Without change of expression he said, “It all went well.” It took a minute for the words to register but once they did, what a relief. The surgery was more difficult this time around since the cancer was embedded deep into his colon. Thank God that with the use of modern technology and cutting edge tools, they were able to get in there and remove it. While Brian was cut open he also inspected his other organs and saw that they were clean. He was pleased with the operation and said Brian looked clean but on the other hand, he looked clean after the first operation but the cancer still came back. He said it is rare for that to happen since most of the patients in Brian’s situation remain cancer free.

Next they will do a biopsy and we’ll meet with Brian’s cancer doctor to find out what stage the cancer is and whether or not he will need to to have chemo. We are hoping we can avoid it although they are worried that in Brian’s case he may need it anyway. But I can’t think about that right now. I am just happy that my sweetheart is alive and recuperating. So, so happy!! We jumped over the first major hurdle and we’ll handle the next hurdle when it comes.

I am also incredibly grateful to everyone that has lifted us in prayer. I cannot express how much it means to us to have so many people praying for us and caring for us. It is a true example of how we are all one family united in Christ – brothers and sisters looking out for one another. It brings tears to my eyes. 🙂

Thank you, God, for showing mercy on your son Brian and on our family. Please continue to heal him and make him strong once again.

 * * *

Sunday, January 26, 2014 – 11:30 AM

It’s Sunday morning and I am in the hospital room with Brian. He is really tired so I told him to close his eyes and get some rest and I’ll stay with him and do a little writing. He smiled and closed his eyes.

Yesterday was a difficult day. Brian was having a hard time with the pain and the stress of the operation was taking a toll on his body. He had gotten a fever and his heart rate was up and his oxygen down. At one point when they tried to sit him up he got the shakes and became ill. They said it is not uncommon considering what Brian has been through, but I felt so bad for him. I could see that it troubled him. I told him not to worry and that he just needs to give his body time to heal and get better. It was only the first day after the surgery!

The next morning (today) he seems in better spirits and in less pain, although he is still very tired. He will have his physical therapy later today and hopefully he does better this time.

Star Wars/Superheroes vs The Aunts (Photo by Bridgette)

Sisters, Sisters… – My sisters have been doing an awesome job at keeping the kids occupied, not to mention making my house sparkle! Bella and the boys were eager to finally go see Brian. He loved seeing them as much as they loved seeing him, although I could tell it troubled Bella to see her big, strong daddy sick in bed. John-Paul was a chatterbox and kept saying, “What the heck?! Daddy, why are you in that bed?” Andrew was quiet with wide eyes and Matthew wanted to know when Doc McStuffins was arriving. 🙂 It was nice that Brian could have a little taste of home in the hospital. 🙂

Sunday – 10:30 PM

I just got home from visiting Brian. We watched Downton Abbey together and by the end of it we were both tired so I kissed him good night and drive home. I hated saying goodbye and this bed feels awfully empty without him in it. I am praying for the day we can bring him home again.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and words of support!!! I’m not sure how long Brian will have to stay int he hospital but he won’t be able to eat for 5-7 days until everything heals up. In the meantime, please continue to pray for Brian as he heals – both for his body and his soul, that his spirits stay high and that he realizes how much inner strength he possesses. Have a good night. Love you guys. 😉

UPDATE: Dear Diary: Brian’s Recovery & Dealing with Cancer (1/29/14)

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads or Instagram. 😉

 

An Update on Brian (1/15/13)

It is late on Tuesday night and it’s been an exhausting day but so many of you have been praying and emailing me about Brian, I wanted to give you  quick update.

Recovering – As I mentioned the other day, Brian needed to have surgery on Sunday to remove a polyp they found. The surgery went well and they were able to remove the polyp (as well as his appendix, which was very close to it.) Afterwards, he was in some pain and just needed to rest, but that was to be expected. On Monday he was feeling a little better and was able to get out of bed. By the afternoon he was taking small walks around the hospital with his IV Pole on rollers. We’d go from his room to the fountain/fish pond area.

 

Fresh Air – This morning when I visited Brian he talked the nurse into letting him unhook his IV for 15 minutes so we could walk out in the “healing garden” where they had fountains and a small waterfall. (I posted a photo of the view from Brian’s window last week.)

He bundled up and looked like a kid on Christmas morning, he was so eager to be outside in the fresh air. We walked hand in hand and talked and enjoyed this moment of happiness in our rollercoaster week. Surprisingly, he even let me snap a picture.

 

Good Bad News – By Tuesday evening we received the news from Brian’s biopsy. The polyp they removed was stage 1 cancer. However, his doctor and the surgeon were very pleased with the results because the infected area was removed and the tests they ran on his lymph nodes, bloodwork and other panels all came out clean. They said it was a good thing that Brian pursued the problem and took care of things immediately, otherwise we may have had a different result.

St. Peregrine, Pray for Us. – It is a relief to know that it is out of him and that my sweetheart can come back home (hopefully) on Friday but it is still scary. I am trying to look at all the positive and be thankful for how God (over and over again) took care of all the big and little details to help us get through this but it still scares me. Now that it has been in Brian once, he’ll have to get tested regularly to make sure nothing else starts to grow. My mind wants to play “what if…” But I have to push that out of my head. I can’t dwell on that. God spared him and that is what matters.

Blessed – On another positive note, Brian and I have been completely touched by the prayers, well wishes and generosity of family and friends – both “real time” and “virtual.” I was reading Brian some of the emails and he couldn’t believe how many people cared about him and us as a family. And I know all your prayers are what helped us get through this! (Yesterday Brian’s dad told me that it was people like this that showed him that there is still goodness in the world.)

Sisters…Sisters – Lastly, I give a big thank you to my sis (and her boss who gave her the time off) for staying with me this week. It meant sooo much to me to know my kids were in good hands and to know that all the housework and laundry was being done and to know that when I came home from the hospital at night all I wanted to do was have a scoop of ice cream and laugh with her as we watch a funny show on TV. You kept me sane, sis. Thanks!

My sis has to leave in a couple days but thank God my mom is flying in on Sunday evening and will stay with us for a week as Brian will be on modified bed rest. Blessed be God. I could really use a hug from mom right now!

Okay, this was supposed to be brief. Sorry I went on and on. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted and it is officially Wednesday morning so I better get some sleep. Thanks again for all your love, support and prayers. I love you guys!

UPDATE #3 (1/18/13) is here.

7 Quick Takes (1/12/13) & {p, h, f, r} vol 56: The Cancer & Surgery Edition

Hosted by Jen.

AND

Hosted by Like Mother, Like Daughter

~~ 1 ~~

{pretty}

 

 The view from the window of Brian’s hospital room.

 

~~ 2 ~~

 

It has been a crazy last few days and I am actually typing this now in the hospital as Brian is trying to rest. Here’s the scoop in a nutshell. Brian has been sick on and off for awhile. He had a few infections but antibiotics took care of them. However, he was still getting pain in his stomach and sides. On Friday he was scheduled to have some testing and procedures done to check everything out. They found three polyps (an abnormal growth of tissue) and were able to remove the two small ones during the procedure. The third was larger and suspicious for cancer. He would need to schedule surgery in the next week or so and have it removed and analyzed.

He came back home that afternoon but by the evening he had a high fever and severe chills. He went to the ER and they suspected a perforation from one of the procedures. They kept him overnight. In the morning his fever was down and the chills stopped but he was still in some pain. They decided to do surgery right away and take care of all the issues he’s dealing with. So tomorrow/Sunday morning at 7:30 AM (PT) he is having surgery. Please pray that all goes well, that he recovers quickly and that the polyp is not cancerous. (Update: It was cancerous but the surgery removed it all.)

 

~~ 3 ~~

As a side note, my sister BC called me Wednesday night and said she and my other sister JC wanted to make a last minute trip from So Cal to spend the weekend with us. I told them that we’d love to have them. I told her that Brian had some tests on Friday but he was scheduled to be back at work on Saturday so that wouldn’t be a problem. Little did I know I’d actually be sitting in a hospital room on Saturday instead!  The Holy Spirit must have prompted their trip because he knew I could really use their help with Brian’s unexpected situation. And thanks to my sister BC’s generosity, she rearranged her work schedule so she could take time off and stay here to help me with the kids while Brian is in the hospital. (His surgery’s recovery time is 3-7 days.) I told Brian God was making arrangements for us before we even knew we needed them!

 

~~ 4 ~~

{happy & funny}

I haven’t taken many photos this week but I borrowed these that my sisters took while I was in the hospital with Brian. I am incredibly happy to know the kids are in good hands while I am busy.

Matthew is exclaiming his new favorite phrase, “I did it!”

Andrew was having a blast.

 My sister said, “This picture was taken before Matthew had his feet in John-Paul’s food!” (JP was not very pleased!)

My sister said, “Matthew could not believe Captain America was in the house!”

 

~~ 5 ~~

{rea}

 

This is an old photo but I brought Brian our favorite small icon to his hospital room. I asked Our Lady to watch over him and Our Lord to give him strength and peace of heart.

 

~~ 6 ~~

At 9:30 PM tonight Brian received the strength he needed at that moment. Our parish priest came by to see Brian and give him Anointing of the Sick. I am so glad I happened to be there so I could join them in prayer. Brian was really touched and I know it gave him peace.

 

~~ 7 ~~

Speaking of peace, I am not sure what is wrong with me. Normally I would be completely stressed out over all this and dramatically picturing the worse case scenario as a funeral scene plays through my head. (Remember when I thought Matthew was going to die?) But strangely, I have not been worried at all. I have been praying but haven’t freaked out once. (If anything, I am freaking out because I am not freaking out.) I told my sister that either God is pouring buckets of grace down on me or I am in a huge state of denial. I think I’ll go with the grace. At least it has allowed me to stay upbeat with the kids so they are not worried and just think daddy is having a reeeeeally long doctor visit.

Please keep us all in prayer and for those already praying, thank you so much! I’ll keep you posted.

UPDATE: An Update on Brian (1/15/13)

 

7 Quick Takes (12/28/12): Anniversary, Romance & Duck Dynasty

Hosted by Jen.

~~ 1 ~~

Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today – A great big happy 13th anniversary to my sweetheart! It may be a cliché but it feels like it was just yesterday, yet I feel like I’ve known Brian all my life. Maybe because he was an answer to my prayers long before I knew him.

 

~~ 2~~

Now you are my Mr Knightly – It’s funny that when I was single and still living at home, I remember watching love stories with my sister and we’d love it but laugh and yell, “Fake!” at the screen. This was in the mid to late 90’s when all the amazing Jane Austen adaptations came out such as the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion etc. All those tender love scenes were simply the dreams of fairy tales…until I met Brian.

I distinctly remember one scene in Emma (with Gwenyth Palthrow) when Mr. Knightly professed his love to Emma as the music swelled and small flower blossoms fell from the tree. It was picture perfect.

I think back to the first weekend Brian and I finally spent together. (We met online and corresponded for 5 months before meeting in person. By then I already knew I was going to marry him.) There was one point when we attended a Marian Conference and during the lunch break we found a grassy area under a tree to have a picnic. Suddenly, a nearby building turned on their sound system and classical music stared playing in the background. Then a breeze rustled through the tree and small flower blossoms started falling from the sky as Brian turned to me and gave me that “look of love” that said he wanted nothing more than to kiss me. Part of me was reeling and the other part of me was inwardly yelling, “Fake!” Stuff like this does not happen in real life. (If you want the whole story of how we met, you can read it here.)

Well, it was real and 13 years later we have far too few moments lounging under a blossom tree but he’ll still get that “look” when he has to steal a kiss. So the fairy tale lives on, you just have to look and listen a little harder with all the family chaos surrounding it. 😉 Here’s proof. I still find love notes left for me. Swoon.

 

 ~~ 3 ~~

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (and his coffee cup) – Speaking of Brian, for Christmas I made him one of those baskets I talked about in my Gift Ideas for Guys. It was all his favorites things to have a relaxing afternoon. Along with books, a blank journal and treats, I added a new coffee mug and coffee. He loved them! We have long been supporters of Mystic Monk Coffee but bought it less once we switched to the Keurig single cup coffee maker. But I’m happy to see that Mystic Monk now carries the single serving K-cups. (Which are also compatible with other single serving machines.)  Brian loved the Mystic Monk blend and I will buy more of the other flavors. (Note: I think they sold out of the Mysitc Monk blend but hopefully more will be available soon. They do have other flavors ready.)

 “Monk Shot” single serving coffee

Here is the mug I bought him.

~~ 4 ~~

Are you seriously watching this? – Okay, here is another speaking of Brian story. The other day Brian was up late and I could hear him laughing at something on TV. Usually when he is watching TV it is either on EWTN or the NFL channel so I wasn’t sure what would be so funny. I go into the family room and he is laughing hysterically and I saw these guys on the screen.

 

Yes, it is the millionaire “rednecks” of Duck Dynasty. At first I could not believe Brian would be watching a show like this but he convinced me to sit down for a minute and soon I was laughing so hard I was crying. Granted that is not hard to make me do but still these guys are so over the top it’s hilarious. Here’s a little taste of an episode we recently watched.


 

~~ 5 ~~

And this one is fuzzy but Si as a scary Christmas elf is a classic.

~~ 6 ~~

I need rehab – Okay, I am sitting here staring at the screen wondering what to write next. I usually jot down ideas for QT on my iphone notes but one of the boys has confiscated my phone to play Star Wars Angry Birds and as he sits here quietly at my feet, I can’t bear to disturb him. I also jot down ideas in my planner but since Christmas my desk has slowly relapsed into a candidate for a hoarders reality show and my planner if buried under a pile. Like an alcoholic who fell off the wagon, I have fallen off the organizational wagon and if these piles on my desk get any higher, I won’t be able to see the computer screen. You think I’m joking? My kiddo just returned my phone. I’ll snap a pic.

Yesterday the blog I’m An Organizing Junkie posted Introducing the New Year’s Organizing Revolution!! So maybe I should check it out and get back on track. It takes a while to build up but I have that “I’ve got to clean this mess or I’m gonna scream” feeling right now and I have to seize it before it fades away. So let’s wrap this up.

 

~~ 7 ~~

Anne with an E – Did you notice the angry bird calendar in the above photo? My sis BC bought that for the boys to hang in their bedroom. This week we had the pleasure of watching the Star Wars trilogy for the first time with them. (I fast forwarded a bit of the scarier parts) but they loved it. John-Paul is amazed that they made three movies about one phone app. Every time he came into the room and saw Darth Vader on the screen he yelled, “It’s Angry Bird pig!”  LOL.

The next movie I want to watch for the first time with my kids is actually a movie for Bella and me. She just read Anne of Green Gables so I thought she’d enjoy watching the movie with me. Can you believe it’s been over 25 years since that movie came out?! Am I really that old?? Never mind. Don’t answer that.

Have a wonderful last weekend of 2012!!