Revolution of Love

Revolution of Love

Do small things with great love.

Embrace the Ordinary (vol 1)

Today I am linking up with Gina for Embrace the Ordinary at Someday Saints.com.

Happy Monday! How has your day been so far? Hopefully well. Today has been a really good day, but yesterday, well, not so much. It had already been a really rough week with an overloaded schedule and a chemo sick husband and a three year old going through a late terrible two’s and a house that was a mess and in-laws that were coming over for dinner and I was just overtaxed to the point where I needed to go to the bathroom, shut the door, and shed a few tears to relieve the stress. It was just one of those days. Thankfully, the day was finally over and prayers were said and I was able to go to bed and get a good night’s sleep. Today is much brighter, despite the grey skies.

I recently came across the blog of one of my fellow Blessed Is She writers. Gina from Someday Saints.com posted Embrace the Ordinary Vol 1.  In it she says:

I’m drawn to an idea, which I want to share and I hope you’ll join me. With all the things I have going on in my day to day life, I crave time to rest and recognize the beauty, the wonder, the gift of each day.

My first thought was, “What about those days that suck?” She responds:

Those days [when I felt nothing went right] are just as much a gift as the days which go right from the start, the kids are happy, the sun is shining, you get the idea. I want to delight more in every day. I want to embrace each day for what it is, for better or worse.

I like that. It is easy to be all sunshine and rainbows when everything is going well but it is much harder to praise God and thank Him for the goodness in our lives when we are in the midst of battle.

So taking Gina’s cue, here are two ordinary moments that I am especially thankful for today.

Bella and I have been corresponding to each other in a Mama and Me journal that we put together. Yesterday, I found it on my desk.

Although she didn’t have anything major to talk about she wanted to send me a little note and draw me a picture to brighten my day. 🙂

It’s been grey and cloudy all day. It felt like there was a storm brewing but we only got a few drizzles. That did not stop the boys from grabbing rain boots, jackets and umbrellas to play in the “downpour.” It’s hard to believe that this little guy can drive me nuts and melt my heart at the same time. That face just says, “You can’t possibly stay mad at me, mom.” Sigh. He’s so right.

Thanks to Gina for the inspiration!

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads, Letterboxd or Instagram (It’s set to private but I’ll approve you.) 😉

PPS – This post may contain affiliate links.


Online Daybook (6/2/14): Family Walks, Menus and Praying over a Dirty Toilet

 

Moments of Gratitude…

Today I am especially thankful for

  • Family walks
  • Wildflowers
  • The sound of the kids’ giggles.
  • Stolen kisses in the kitchen.
  • Words of encouragement.
  • Almost the end of school.
  • Summer plans.

 

Beauty in the Ordinary…

 I went for my morning walk and there were fishing boats everywhere.

 

If you like fresh sea food and gorgeous ocean views, come visit Monterey, CA. 🙂 (The askew shot of the horizon is bugging me but I love the colors.)

In the Kitchen…

M – Chili beans, cornbread and broccoli.

T – Chicken cacciatore with brown rice and roasted asparagus.

W – Tacos with Southwestern Black Bean Salad.

Th – Leftovers.

F – Chef Salad topped with BBQ chicken.

S – Homemade wheat pizza and Greek salad.

S – It’s Andrew’s birthday so he got to pick his favorite. He wanted tuna melts followed by chocolate cake. 🙂

 

Praying…

  • For Brian’s chemo and continued recovery from cancer.
  • For all those who are fighting cancer and other illnesses.
  • For family and friends who are pregnant.
  • For those trying to get pregnant that God will bless them with new life.
  • For those suffering from abuse, mental illness and addiction.
  • For the souls in purgatory.
  • For those most in need of God’s mercy.
  • For some special intentions.

 

On the homefront……

On Tuesday Brian started Round 4 of chemo. He has been doing really well and his blood work came out okay so we are hoping and praying things continue to go well. It’s crazy how many people are dealing with cancer right now. I mean, I knew it was a problem but not until it hit us personally did I really see how many lives are touched by it. Lately I feel like there has been one person after another that has died from cancer and it makes it harder to be positive and not dwelling on the worse. Thankfully, these last couple of days I have heard from or read about people who have fought cancer and have remained cancer-free for some time.

Life is so full of uncertainty, whether you are battling cancer or just being an innocent bystander, that you can’t really dwell on the “what ifs.” You’ve just got to keep your eyes on God and enjoy the time you’ve been blessed with your loved ones. That is sometimes difficult when I am knee deep in normal family chaos but the right attitude (and  sense of humor) can make it not only bearable but enjoyable.

 

Pondering…

I’ve been trying to add more little acts of prayer to help combat my tendency to complain about the my mommy chores.

* * * * *

Previous Version – Scene 1: In the laundry room.

As I am sorting out clothes and I see that one of the littles used his sleeve as a napkin again and got chocolate stains on his light colored shirt. As I’m scrubbing the stain my mind says, “Ugh! Why did I ever buy this guy a light colored shirt. That was so stupid. And why can’t that kid ever use a napkin. How  many times have I told him not to wipe his mouth on his sleeve. And who gave him chocolate anyway? He’s only supposed to eat chocolate on the weekend. Ugh. It’s like talking to a wall around here…” (Anger rises until I snap at the next person who tries to talk to me.)

Updated version

As I’m scrubbing the stain, “Sigh. Chocolate stains. I give it to you, God. Scrubbing this stain is what you are asking of me at this moment in time but note to self – no more light colored shirts for the boys. How did he get chocolate anyway? Oh, yeah. That was when Opa babysat the kids so Brian and I could go out to lunch. Oh, that was so nice. I love spending time with Brian. How did I ever get so blessed to have such a man in my life….” (Brian comes into the laundry room and I give him a big kiss. He is more than pleased. ;-))

Previous Version – Scene 2: In the bathroom

One of my little men had trouble aiming into the toilet. As I am cleaning up the mess my mind says, “What is wrong with that kid? Why is it so hard for him to aim in the toilet? If he would stop fooling around and pay attention to what he is doing I wouldn’t be stuck here cleaning up this mess…”

Updated version

“He missed again. Well, at least he is finally potty trained. I remember how hard that was. He can be so stubborn at times. Brian says he gets that from me. haha. Lord, help my little guy and his stubborn ways. He has such a good and loving heart. Help me as a mom to bring out his best qualities…”

* * * * *

Yeah, okay so maybe I don’t always sound just like that and maybe I’m sometimes cussing under my breath but I have asked my guardian angel to nudge me when I am going to lose it and I do try to turn it into a prayer or not try to get so upset. And when I can’t get the words out I simply say a Hail Mary (or a decade) as I work. I’ve prayed many a Hail Marys as I’ve scrubbed a toilet. 😉

 

Around the house…

Well, from the sounds of it dirty toilets and chocolate stains. 😉

 

Reading…

I finished reading The Fault in Our Stars and will see the movie later this week. I have mixed feelings about the book. I’ll try and wrangle those thoughts to paper and post a review.

My next book to finish is Jen’s Something Other Than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It. Loving it so far.

I have skimmed over The Little Oratory: A Beginner’s Guide to Praying in the Home but tonight I want to sit down and really focus on Chapter 1 so I can join along with Elizabeth and Leila as they discuss it on their podcast. Elizabeth is also hosting a link-up for you to share your own thoughts. Check it out here.

 

Listening to…

Relient K’s Collapsible Lung and Matthew and John-Paul laugh at the antics of Peppa Pig and George.

 

Watching…

Austenland (It was just so-so but I am a fan of the actor that played the Darcy-like character.) Saving Mr. Banks (Brian had not seen it yet.) The Book Thief (I really love this movie.)

 

On the blog…

I am putting together a list of weekly Link-Ups from various Catholic bloggers. I love link-ups, although I have been wanting to do a little more “meat and potato” posts than just link-ups. That is why I posted Despite What You May Think… You Are a Good Mom a couple days ago. I was reading through the comments and these three especially touched me and got me thinking about the topic even more…

One thing that encourages me is that I remember that even though I feel so far below those “perfect” moms, *I* am the mother that God chose for my children. Considering He doesn’t make mistakes, there must be good reason for them coming to me even though I don’t sew curtains or make wonderful meals or run marathons and couldn’t keep a blog going to save my life. I guess He knew that whatever strengths I have, those are the ones my kids need. It seems like God had the same thing in mind when he gave your kids to you, and your sister’s kids to her… (Sharon)

***

I think we all struggle with these feelings, but I also feel that whenever you undertake anything you care about you worry that you might not be giving it everything you can. And your children keep growing and changing so that you can’t really stay on top of things. So I try to remind myself that I have these feelings because I care so deeply and not because I am inadequate. But I am far from a perfect mother, of course! (Rita)

***

I think sometimes when we haven’t faced a particular challenge as a parent (or just in life) it’s hard to imagine what it’s really like. There are so many things that I just couldn’t have imagined and that I would have said was parenting before having a child on the spectrum and I think that having a kid with ASD has opened my eyes to how many different ways can be right, depending on the kid and family… (Cam)

 

I love the online interaction and in turn I will comment more on other blogs I read to let them know I appreciate their words. 🙂

Also on the blog, being the month of June, which brings us many June brides,  I am working on a couple marriage related posts. I’m hoping the next Pinterest Party will be marriage related so get your posts raedy to link! It can be money saving tips, wedding decor or posts about living a God centered marriage. More details coming!

 

In the blogosphere…

5 Ways to Cut Down on Whining by Whole Parenting Family

What Slowing Down Will Teach You

Ten Books of Poems for Kids by Everyday Snapshots

Summer Shakespeare Chat: Much Ado About Nothing by Clan Donaldson

What if our Lord sang that? (Vol. 1) by My Life as a Fireman’s Wife

 

Pinned…

See my latest pins here – pinterest.com/rol_bobbi/pins/.

Here are my two favorite of this week…

The Ronald Reagan Guide to Essential Oils//Call Her Happy

From the Garden: Fresh Mint Homemade Ice Cream Recipe // Carrots for Michaelmas

 

Plans for the Week…

School is winding down so we have a number of school activities on the schedule. Thursday is mama’s movie night. (I put the kids to bed and tuck in Brian with a good book or the remote and then head out for one of my favorite pastimes – watching a movie on the big screen.) This week it is The Fault in Our Stars. This weekend is also Andrew’s birthday and we wants an ocean theme party and a trip to the Aquarium. Fun. 🙂

 

Captured…

A couple more photos from our family walk.

 

Linking-Up with…

Jenny at The Littlest Way

A Mama Collective’s Currently

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads, Letterboxd or Instagram (It’s set to private but I’ll approve you.) 😉

PPS – This post may contain affiliate links.


Despite What You May Think… You Are a Good Mom

Photo Credit: cboswell / 123RF Stock Photo

We all have an image of what a good mom looks like. For some of us it is the Barbie look alike at school with the well behaved kids that look like they just stepped off a Baby Gap ad. For others it is the mom in the homeschooling group that attends daily Mass with her six saintly children, teaches from her perfectly organized lesson plan (never second guesses her choices) and still manages to keep a tidy house and cook meals from scratch while planning stimulating educational field trips. Or perhaps it is the mom we’ve never met in person but we read her blog and marvel at her parenting skills, witty and intelligent writing style, her organic recipes with professional photos, and her elaborate Catholic crafts and sewing creations. She is a Pinterest dream come true. There are numerous other versions but safe to bet we are all guilty of wishing we were more like “that” mom at some point. For me, feelings of not being a good mom crept in from the very beginning of motherhood.

When I first found out I was (finally) pregnant, I had all these ideas of exactly how I would welcome my baby into the world – have her placed on my chest after birth, breastfeed on demand, baby wear and have an incredible bond from the beginning . However, when my water broke a month earlier than expected, I was already thrown off my game. I was never able to hold Bella after birth. She was rushed to the NICU and spend the next 11 days in there while I returned home without a baby in my arms. I pumped milk and fed her when I was allowed but the reality was that she spent more time with her nurses than with me. How would she know that I was her mom and not another nurse?

Even after the joyous 11th day when we were able to bring Bella home things, it was still difficult.  After endless days of feeding, changing diapers, and trying to quiet a screaming baby, I felt no bond. I felt more like the live-in maid working 24/7 than a good mom. I had to learn to love even when it seemed that no love was reciprocated. After some time had passed, I recall sitting on the living room couch feeding Bella as usual, except that this time her eyes were completely focused on me. After a few minutes of sucking she stopped and gave me a smile of recognition! My heart completely melted as I cried, “She knows me!” In that moment it was as if our hearts were completely bonded. She was my baby and she knew I was her Mama.

I’d love to say that after that moment I was confident in my abilities to parent but as any mom knows, there are countless other decisions and parenting styles that we must choose – breast feed or formula? Store bought baby food or homemade? Cloth diapers or Pampers? Pick the baby up or let her cry it out? As Bella got older, the list of choices just grew and grew. Some of these choices can be life altering, such as, do I go back to work or try to live on one income? Or, do we homeschool or attend a traditional school? Others decisions may not seem as important but they still affect how you live – Do we let our kids watch TV? Do we only eat organic? Do we attend Mass as a family or split up and leave the babies home? How to we discipline? You can find vehement supporters on both sides and sometimes those supporters will look down on you for not making the “right” choice.

There comes a point when you have to just stand up and say, okay, this is what works for my family and shut out all the other voices telling us otherwise. I’ve seen too many moms beat themselves up because they feel like they are doing it “wrong.” There is no one right way! If it works for your family and it isn’t drawing you away from God and your vocation, then don’t sweat it. You are unique and your family situation and your kids are unique. Do what works for you and your husband.

As time passes and your family grows, so will your parenting style. There will be times when we see areas that need improvement and it is okay to learn from other moms but instead of stressing out because your three year old is not potty trained yet or your daughter refuses to eat anything green or your son hates math, get advice from other moms who have managed that bump in the road. Avoid moms that are judgmental and turn to someone you know who will offer their help and support. We will never have it “all together” and there will always be areas where the Holy Spirit gently nudges us to make a change or tweak a certain practice. That doesn’t mean you are a bad mom it just means you are a good mom that is evolving into an even better mom.

A couple years ago I was struggling a lot with feeling inadequate in my mothering and homemaking but I’ve since made improvements and I think I’ve reached a point where I am at peace with who I am and how I mother. For example, my sister Elena and I are both mommy bloggers but we have very different personalities and styles. She is neat and organized. I am a mess cat. She reads non-fiction books. I read novels and magazines. She watches the history channel for fun. I secretly watch reality TV. She sews her kids clothes. I mend my kids clothes with a safety pin. Her 5 year old talks about photosynthesis. My 5 year old talks about boogers. So it is no wonder that our parenting styles are different.

For example, Elena wrote a post about how she raised her kids to be good eaters. Of course when she says picky eaters are made and they don’t come about naturally, I immediately think about two of my boys that have a hard time eating certain foods but instead of feeling like a loser mom I take the advice that I can incorporate – give them less snacks and more choices in their menu. I’ve tried both and it has been working well. On the other hand, while she goes hard core in her rule that if you don’t finish eating your veggies at dinner, you have to eat them for breakfast. It works for her and as a result her kids are amazing eaters. But me? I can’t (or won’t) do that. I remember what it was like to gag and nearly throw up eating certain foods. Andrew does the same thing. Instead of forcing him to eat it all he had to take one small bite. Each day one bite. It may have taken six years but Andrew will finally eat lettuce and broccoli (even though he prefers the stems to the top part.) I’m okay with that.

The point is, yes, my sister is an awesome mom, but I am too in my own way. We both have happy and healthy kids. We both are seeking to do God’s will and living his love within our homes. We both accomplish that is different ways but it works. We both have made great strides and we both have had days when we’ve completely lost it.  When I see her accomplishments, I can rejoice in them without feeling bad about myself. When I need mothering help or advice I know I can go to her and she’ll give me tips and advice without making me feel bad. And she knows that I’m her big sis and I am always there for her to help in any way I can. The fact that we are sisters has made this a lot easier but in the grand scheme of things, aren’t we are all sisters in Christ? We all have differences and similarities. We all have our strengthen and our weaknesses.

We’d be a lot happier if we stopped comparing ourselves to each other and accept that we’re all in this together and each of us reflects the love of God to the world. Like flowers in a garden, some of us are delicate roses and others are are robust sunflowers. Some are perky daisies and others are shy violets. Regardless, we are are all reflections of God’s beautify and creativity. Embrace your abilities as a mom. Work on the areas you need improvement with the confidence that God will give you all grace and tools you need. Support your fellow sisters in this difficult yet incredibly important job of raising our families because despite what you may think, you’re a really good mom! 🙂

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, GoodReads, Letterboxd or Instagram. (It’s set to private but I’ll approve you.) 😉

PPS – This post may contain affiliate links.

 


Restore Workshop: Lessons Learned (Vol 3): Self Care & Prayer and A Day in the Life

NOTE: Today is the last day to sign up for the Restore Workshop. I am about a week behind the schedule. Some elements I like to take a little more time to work on and some days I simply run out of hours in the day.

You can read my other post about the workshop here –

* * *

When I first talked about my Lenten goals with Brian, we both agreed that I needed to do a better job at taking care of myself – sleeping more, eating better, getting my exercise, etc. In the spiritual department my goal was to spend more time talking with God and doing a better job at spending quiet time with God. I think God was trying to put an exclamation point on those goals since many of the first lessons in Elizabeth Floss’  Restore Workshop dealt directly with those issues.

Tracy over at Making the Trek has a Day in the Life link-up and I thought it would be fun to join along. I wanted to combine the post with the lessons learned through Restore because it would be a good way to show you how I’m trying to incorporate it into my daily life. I am great at reading the books and making the perfect planner and finding cute printables but actually getting my butt in gear and DOING what I’m planning is a whole other story. I’m still learning and fumbling but you know my motto – baby steps. 😉

A Day in the Life of A Mom…

6:20 AM – My first alarm goes off. Elizabeth encourages us to “embrace the first heroic moment of the day” and get out of bed immediately. (Spoken like a true morning person. hee hee) 😉 I have not mastered that step yet. My first heroic act is not throwing the alarm clock against the wall. 😉 Instead I hit the snooze and make the sign of the cross and thank God for another day of life. I reach for my iPhone and open iMissal to say my morning offering & morning prayer.

6:30 AM – Second alarm. Out of bed. I get ready to take a shower and right on cue Matthew knocks on the door. All the kids are still asleep but Matthew is an early riser and is ready to greet the day. I let him stay in the bathroom with me since I know Brian is in the family room saying his prayers and I don’t want him disturbed. Matthew lays down on the bathroom rug and watches Max and Ruby on my phone while I take a quick shower, undressing and dressing behind the shower curtain.

7:00 – Wake the kids up, say morning prayers with them, feed them breakfast and pack their lunches. The boys’ favorite weekday breakfast is a piece of toast, a half slice of cheese and fresh fruit. We have all increased our fruit and veggie intake. Luckily, we have plenty of options this time of year with our local organic farmer’s market that sells at reasonable prices.

7:40 – Brian watches the two little guys while I take Bella and Andrew to school. They are excited because it happens to be free dress and a special hot lunch day. (If you went to Catholic school, remember the excitement of a free dress day? LOL)

8:00 – On the days John-Paul goes to pre-school (T,W, & TH)  I have a small window to read the day’s scripture/ quote, say a short prayer and plan my Act/ Resolution for the day. (Right now I am using the prayers from the Restore Workshop but when it is over I will go back to my favorite mom devotional books.) I also look over my planner quickly and see what I need to get done for the day. Then I finish getting the little boys ready.

8:35 – 9:00 – I take John-Paul to preschool. On the drive I say a decade of the rosary while the boys talk and giggle in the back seat of the mini van.

9:00 – My mid-morning prayer alarm goes off. (I have Time for prayers and my reminder to drink water.

In Elizabeth’s essay on prayer, she spoke about the beauty of the Liturgy of the Hours, which consists of breaks in the day when you pray in the morning, mid-morning, noon, mid-afternoon, evening, night and (for the hardcore) midnight. My first reaction was, “What?? Ain’t nobody got time for dat!” But then I thought about Elizabeth’s podcast with Sarah from Amongst Lovely Things. Sarah mentioned how she prayed the L of the H and she has three bigger kids she homeschools, a toddler and twin babies! Dang, if that girl can do it then why the heck can’t I??? Elizabeth explained that depending on what season of life we are in, some of us can’t make  complete stops in our day to pray but we can stop for a few seconds and turn our heart to God saying,

God, come to my assistance.
Lord, make haste to help me.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit:
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.

Ugh. I could hear God speaking to my heart. I kept pushing it aside but he’s tenacious in his love. I relented and said I would give it a try but I wasn’t ready to say the actual prayers and readings. I would set my alarm for the times and then turn my mind to God and say a short prayer. Maybe in the future I’d add on more. In the meantime I also ordered the book Elizabeth recommended The Everyday Catholic’s Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours and am almost done reading it. (More on that later.)

This photo is from a couple weeks back but the scene was the same. 😉

Okay, back to the day…my alarm went off during the pre-school’s morning prayer and assembly so I turned it off knowing I’d be making a chapel visit in a couple minutes. Even if I wanted to skip stopping into church I couldn’t because Matthew INSISTS that we “go see Dedus.” He kneels with me before the tabernacle and I can hear his little prayer. “I lub you, Dedus. Pwease make Daddy better. I pray por Bewwa, Andoo, Bom-Paul and Mama.” He them smacks pats my cheek and tells me it’s my turn, in which I have to say, “I love you Jesus. I pray for Daddy and Bella and Andrew and John-Paul (at which point he excitedly points to himself) and Matty.” He beams a smile and then furrows his brow becasue I forgot someone. He points to me…I say,  “and I pray for Mama.” Happily, he scoots me off the kneeler, says “Bye, Dedus, see you next time” and pulls me by the hand over to the candles where I light one and he blows out the match. It’s a morning ritual I’ve grown to love and cherish. 🙂

9:20 – 10:00 – Matthew and I go for our morning walk. I’ll push him in the stroller for 3/4 of the route. Then the last 1/4 he gets out and walks with me. Getting exercise, and particularly getting outside in the fresh air, is emphasized in the workshop. When JP is at school it is easy to get outside and walk because but I need to work on the other days when I’m not driving around all day.  I have to make sure that I spend at least 15 – 20 minutes outside walking up and down our long deck or the driveway.

I always feel better after walking and I relish these last months with Matthew by my side before he starts preschool too!

The new planter of succulents outside our local Trader Joe’s.

10:00 – 12:00 – Time to get some shopping done. I have to run because I’m stopping at Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods and Costco. My mom calls me while I am in line at Costco so I tell her I’ll give her a call when I am back home.

12:00 – My noon prayer alarm goes off. I say the Angelus while I unpack groceries from the car. Shortly after my father-in-law brings Andrew home from school. When I am done unpacking the cold items I go in the kitchen and pack a lunch for Andrew and John-Paul that they eat in the car while I go to pick up John-Paul. I grab an apple and re-fill my water jug. We are off again.

1:15 – 2:00 – We are finally home. We get settled and take a look at the sink. I can’t deal with that right now. I need to eat first.  I have lunch and take a quick breather. I tell myself that I’ve got to get up earlier to have time for a bigger breakfast or pack some healthy snacks for the road because by the time I sit to eat lunch I am starving and I want to trade my healthy salad for a greasy burger and fries and piece of chocolate cake. Ack! Something to work on. I get a few bites in and I hear “Mama, I’m done. Can you wipe me?” I walk down the hallway and hear, “Me too.” Wow, a double hitter. I’ve only had triple toilet/diaper duty once or twice so far.

I finish lunch and call my mom back for a quick chat while I get all the dishes washed and cleared away. My kitchen is a happy place again. The boys are playing outside and not giving me too much trouble. God is being merciful to me. I better keep moving before the tide turns.

Can you even tell this is a dining room table?

2:00 – I throw in a load of laundry and tackle all the dishes that have accumulated in the sink. I also wanted to do my best to tackle one bigger project in the house before I had to start dinner. Yesterday I had a mini-break down because there was so much junk accumulated everywhere. There are pockets of clean & organized and pockets of disaster. I heard a priest once say that the devil hides in the mess and clutter. Well, a devil was certainly there yesterday because I was yelling and having a fit like the old BC-Bobbi. (As in Before Christ). One of those breaking point triggers is our dining room table. It is a catch-all for everyone to dump all their junk. It would be okay if it was emptied off every night but a few busy days of not being home or doing other things and disaster strikes. So today I was striking back. The boys are tired from playing outside so I put a movie on for them and bribe them with crackers and cheese sticks (and maybe a couple of non-Lenten chocolate chips) if they sit quietly so I can finish my cleaning project. I also made a mental note to give them some extra playtime with me tomorrow since I was so busy today. Tomorrow is Friday and I don’t have to leave the house (much.) yay! Okay, back to work.

By the time it was over I could hear the angels singing. 😉 And I only had to yell, “Boys stop fighting/ wrestling/ screaming/ jumping off the furniture” 20 times in an hour. Getting better. Note to self – Write that down in your gratitude journal, baby!

3:00 – My alarm for my mid-afternoon prayer goes off. I hear Matthew yell from the other room, “Time to talk to Dedus again, Mama.” I say a decade of the divine Mercy chaplet and refill my water jug. My father-in-law brings home Bella from school. I wash more laundry and have the kids pick up their toys that are scattered everywhere before they continue playing or do homework. I make a mental note to add that to my gratitude journal – I didn’t lose my temper when I saw their mess and I didn’t just quickly clean it myself but made them do it. (I’m getting make-the-kids-do-more-chores inspiration from my sis.) 😉

4:15 – I set up my laptop in the kitchen so I can listen to this week’s Restore podcast that I missed on Monday. I start dinner while listening. I have to stop frequently to jot down notes but luckily I had leftover Sneaky Spaghetti Sauce so I only needed to make the pasta and salad. I’m glad for that because I am running out of steam. (Where are those chocolate chips?)

5:00 – My evening prayer alarm goes off. John-Paul calls out from the other room, “Time for you to say your prayers, Mama!” I’m glad everyone is keeping me on my toes. 😉 Frankly, I am starting to get the hang on this stopping and turning my mind to God. It no longer seems foreign and ridiculous for my life. After three weeks of saying my own quick prayers and after almost finishing The Everyday Catholic’s Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours book, it’s making a lot of sense to me. I was moved by the part of the book where Daria Sockey says…

“This [Liturgy of the Hours] symphony – a melody of praise, sometimes sung, sometimes spoken – travels from time zone to time zone, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year. It is like a flaming torch of prayer being passed around the globe, relay style, by spiritual athletes. This is what attracts so many people to the liturgy of the Hours: the idea that, when we pray these daily psalms and readings, we are praying in unison with our fellow believers around the world.”

I love that image of the torch being lit. Each of us doing our bit, uniting our prayers to God, pleading for ourselves, for our loved ones and for those most in need of God’s mercy. The visual image I have in my head is from The Lord of the Rings when they light the beacons.

Source

Each of us are in our own home/life lifting our hearts and prayers to God, lighting our beacon and joining others as they light theirs. From the heavens there are rows and rows of flaming beacons as we are united in our praise and united in our fight against the evils of this world. It makes me want to go a little deeper so I scheduled evening prayer at 5:00 PM when I am cooking dinner. I open up Divine Office.org on my computer and they have an audio option to hear the prayers being said. It’s only about 15 minutes and has worked great so far. They also have phone apps but my phone is maxed out and I’ll have to delete some stuff before I can download it. (Maybe I should start with the 1500+ photos. Even my phone needs some serious spring cleaning!) Anyway, I am going to try using the audio for some of the other daytime prayers, particularly when I am in the car.

6:00 – Time to eat. We light our Lenten candles and say our Lenten prayers together before grace because night prayers haven’t worked for us but dinner prayers has. Today it is Matthew’s turn to lead the petitions and pick out the new Act of Love and Prayer Intention for tomorrow. There are still a few “But that’s not fair” muttered by those who have a hard time waiting their turn but not as many as there used to be. We make it through the prayers and dig in.

6:30 – Dishes, dishes and more dishes. Yeah, I’ve gotten to enjoy making home cooked meals but all the clean up, not so much. I add a bean to the sacrifice jar. 😉

7:00 – Showers, PJ’s and teeth brushing. I can see the finish line….

7:30 – We hear the usual protests that it is still light outside but they know by now we don’t care. It’s bed time.  The boys get a story read to them, brief night prayers, kisses and then lights out. Bella is allowed to stay up an extra hour in her room reading or drawing. I realize I haven’t taken any photos after dinner but I’m too tired do anything about it.

8:00 – My night prayer alarm goes off. I open up Divine Office.org but instead of listening to the audio I read the prayers myself and say my act of contrition. I write down my five things in my gratitude journal and jot a few thoughts in my prayer journal. I thank God for the grace to spend this time with him in prayer since I have always struggles with my prayer life. Prayer does not come easily and it still doesn’t but by taking small steps each day I am slowly making progress and that’s what counts.

8:30 – We kiss Bella good night then Brian and I catch up on the news about work and what went on during our day and how he’s feeling. (BTW, he’s feeling relatively good and survived his first cycle of chemo. He starts round 2 on Monday.)  We then sit down and pick something to watch from the DVR. Tonight it is The Blacklist, which always makes me want to watch Pretty in Pink. 😉

10:00 – Brian goes to bed since he likes to get up early. I stay up for another 45 minutes and work on this post.I’m tempted to stay up later but I know I’ll be crying in the morning if I do, so I call it a night.

10:45 – I grab my camera and get ready for bed. I try to decide what I could shoot with all the lights off and everyone asleep. I take a snap of the bathroom sink and then get ready for bed.

11:00 – I say my good night to Our Lord and thank Him for such a blessed life.

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If you want to know more about the Liturgy of the Hours, I recommend these resources.

BookThe Everyday Catholic’s Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours by Daria Sockey

WebsiteDivine Office.org

WebsiteCoffee and Canticles

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Restore Workshop – Lessons Learned (Vol 1): Melt Downs, Being at Peace & Theme Thursday: Hear

I am linking this post’s photos with Cari’s Theme Thursday: Hear. I have been hearing God speak to my heart throughout the week.

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When I hear raindrops fall I think of God’s grace raining down.

Living in beautiful but dry California, we don’t have really have winter. (Well, other than instead of wearing shorts and bare feet around the house, on cooler days, I wear yoga pants and bare feet around the house.) So when the forecast called for rain, we relished the chance to watch the drops fall from the grey sky and hear the patter on the roof. It was cathartic to see the rain wash away all the yellow pollen everywhere and give drink to the parched earth. That is how I felt this week…like God’s grace has been falling down on my parched soul and it has been all because of the Restore Workshop.

Now I admit that when I signed up for the workshop I was a little apprehensive. Not about the workshop itself but about my ability to stick with it. I have started Bible studies and book studies and other online series only to let them fall by the wayside after a few days. Plus, life is just so busy! Logically, the last thing I need right now is extra stuff to do when Brian is in the middle of his chemo and with me having more responsibility at home so he can rest. Why bother?? But inside I just knew, God wanted this. So I signed up.

The course is set up so we have quiet reflection/prayer each morning of the week. On Monday there is a podcast, Tues – Thurs there is an essay to read and an action to work on. Friday is a hands-on activity or tutorial. The weekends are for spending  time with family. It seems ridiculous to add this course to my already busy days but I really felt God’s tug.

Hear my cry, O Lord.

I wish I could say that it all started out wonderfully but it seems that whenever I know in my heart that God wants me to do something, it is like Murphy’s Law – everything will go wrong to discourage me from doing what I need to do. I won’t bore you with the details but the night before I was to start, a sick child kept me up all night. Then once the day started one thing after another was going wrong. Stupid, everyday mom stuff really – fighting kids, a broken vase, an explosive diaper, a printer that wouldn’t work, sick kids, tired hubby with cancer, a burnt meal…all within the first hour of the day. I calmly (well, relatively speaking 😉 ) handled each little crisis, asking God for the grace not to lose my temper but it was getting harder and harder as each thing hit.

I got the older kids off to school and the younger kids were playing with their train set while I pulled out my material and prayer journal and tried to spend a little time in prayer since I wasn’t able to earlier. After about the 5th interruption I told the boys that mama needed 5 minutes to herself so they were to play quietly while I got this done. They kindly gave me those 5 minutes but in the 6th minute when I had my eyes closed and was speaking from my heart to God and pleaded, “Help me, Lord,” at that precise moment, Matthew, who managed to find a cup with milk in it, came over and spilled it all over my shirt, my pants and the couch. It was the final straw. I packed up my bible and books and said that’s it. I give up.

Okay, so maybe trying to get some prayer time in while the kids were awake was not the smartest idea and maybe it was tragically cliche that I was crying over spilled milk but frankly, I don’t spend enough quiet time with God so I was just trying to fit in what I could, where I could. But you cannot reason with a woman who is upset and feeling PMS-y. I went to the bathroom to wash off and change and I couldn’t help but think of the scene from It’s A Wonderful Life when George Bailey was sitting in the bar and in desperation prayed out to God for help. Shortly after he was punched in the nose by that teacher’ s husband. Ha! What an answer to prayer. In reality, God had a plan for George. He was watching over him and was taking drastic measures to help George….but, whatever. I didn’t care about that so I angrily threw my milk-soaked clothes in the hamper, dried my stinging tears and went to do my usual chores as I tried to cool off.

Writing words down helps me to better understand what God wants me to hear.

Later in the afternoon/evening, the sun was shining and Brian was home from work. He went out on the deck with the kids, which left me with 15 minutes to myself  before I had to start dinner so I opened up my prayer journal again to try and finish my morning meditation. Here is what I wrote in my journal…

“So what is God trying to tell me today? What was the reason for my “punch in the nose.” As I sit here quietly and think, my eyes fall upon Brian’s icon of Jesus crowned with thorns. My mind hears, “Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine.” Jesus is asking me to carry my cross and to not get discouraged when I fall once, twice, and a third time. He understand what it feels like to be on the floor broken. But he also knows the goal he is trying to reach. During his passion he gathered his strength to stand back up and keep moving forward. Our Lord is ready to share that same strength with me, to lift me up off the floor, wipe my face, kiss my cheek and walk hand in hand with me. Whether my troubles are mundane or overwhelming, He is there always at my side…”

I apologized to God for my little tantrum that morning and asked him how he could possibly put up with me because sometimes I can be such a pain in the arse that even I get annoyed with myself. I could almost hear him chuckle and caress my cheek, the same way I do when Matthew simultaneously annoys me and touches my heart. At the end of the day I was convicted that this workshop is what I need right now and I have to give it my focus, even if it requires me to temporarily set aside blogging and other activities to make it happen. I have a lot of notes and thoughts I want to share with you but it is going to take awhile so I’ll just give you bits and pieces as time allows.

The window sill of my kitchen where many prayers are whispered for God to hear.

The podcast for Week 1 was with Sarah at Amongst Lovely Things and it was perfectly timed. Sarah is currently doing a blog series entitles Teaching from a State of Rest. Her podcast took that concept and applied it to mothering. When I heard the term “mothering from a state of rest” I thought maybe it was about how to raise your kids without leaving your bed. 😉 Sarah explained that being in a state of rest means being where God wants us to be. It is doing what He wants us to do. Being at rest is learning to be obedient and to surrender ourselves to God in the daily duties of our mom lives. It is then that we can find peace and rest.

I also loved how she explained that we often get upset when our day is interrupted by various situations (yeah, I’m thinking…fighting kids, a broken vase, an explosive diaper, a printer that wouldn’t work, sick kids, tired hubby with cancer, burnt food…). But those aren’t interruptions to our plans for the day…they ARE our day. Those things are exactly what God wants us to be working on and he provides the grace to do so at those precise moments. But that is so hard to do! It requires surrender, not once, but continuously throughout our day.

Elizabeth and Sarah also discussed that it is good for us to have a general plan for our day or week (and not go to the other extreme of having no plan and just flying by the seat of our pants) but we have to be flexible. In the morning we offer our day and out plans  to God but with a sense of detachment, knowing that God will be adding in his own plans for us. But the more we accept this and learn to let go the more we will be able to mother from a state of rest. I have been trying to put this into practice by constantly telling myself “God is asking this of you” when I am interrupted.  I love Elizabeth’s comment that “the daily grind is holy ground.” (Light bulb!) I love that image. It’s sometimes very hard to live it but being in that frame of mind DOES bring more peace to my day, or rather, brings peace to my soul, despite what my day looks like. It’s a constant work in progress but at least I’m working on it. 😉

Well, I need to call it a night so I’ll post more this weekend. In the meantime, have a blessed night/day.  🙂

POSTSCRIPT – After I posted this I was browsing PlainGrace.com and realized Jenny wrote a post about the Restore Workshop and the podcast by Sarah. I love what she said about her take on finding beauty to restore your soul. I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming post. In the meantime, go read the great things she has to say. 🙂

UPDATE: The next post – Restore Workshop – Lessons Learned (Vol 2): Remember Gratitude

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