It’s a photo mash-up as I link up with Cari for Theme Thursday: Hearts and Like Mother, Like Daughter for {pretty, happy, funny, real}.

{pretty}

I’m linking this photo with Theme Thursday: Hearts.

Dealing with Brian’s cancer and surgery-recovery has been a roller coaster ride. Thankfully, Brian is getting better and stronger but he is still not able to do the things he used to do before the surgery – helping with the kids and around the house . (I didn’t realize how much he did until he stopped doing it!) That has made my days busier and more exhausting. Not to mention the emotional toll of knowing that the !@#$ cancer is still inside his body and he will have to go through chemo to get it out. It’s scary.

A couple weeks ago, Jessica made a comment about me being positive through all this. I’m trying, but don’t get the wrong idea. I have my moments (many moments) when I am stark raving mad. Motherhood in itself is a sure fire way to test just how selfish you are. Being a mother and a caregiver to an ill loved one has brought out my selfishness in ways that makes me ashamed. I know some will say that I am being too hard on myself but I also know what God is showing me. I know he wants me to rely on him more. To lose myself in his arms and gather  my strength from him. But that’s hard to do. It’s easier to keep myself busy…to complain about this or that…to blow up at the kids for driving me crazy because if I don’t…if I stop and “think” about all this, I’ll lose it. I’ll crumble to the floor and cry until I have no fight left in me. I need that fight to survive.

Instead, I allow myself little crying episodes, like right now as I am typing, when all the house is quiet and everyone is sleeping. Then I can let the tears fall without scaring the kids or worrying Brian. When I’m done I take a deep breath, shake it off and blog. (I’ll hold off on that nervous breakdown until we are over and done with all this cancer drama.)

Well, that was a rather long intro to my first photo of a heart. Sorry. I’m doing my best going to try harder to trust in the Sacred Heart of Jesus and let him be my strength, especially when I am feeling weak. I don’t have to give up the fight, I just have to make sure he is the one powering it. (If that makes sense.) 😉

A portion of the icon of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that hangs over our family altar.

***

Okay, now that I’ve had my cry and am feeling better let’s have a few fun photos. 🙂

Remember how I told you that I used my saved up Target gift cards to buy some new bakeware? Well, I put this new heart shaped muffin tin to good use by trying a new recipe for healthier carrot- apple muffins. (I’ll post the recipe at the next Pinterest Party.)

They were not super sweet so I added a little drizzle of honey on the plate. The kids actually gobbled them up! (Even my picky eater.)

{happy}

Despite the difficulties, I am so, so, so happy to have Brian home and in my life each day. I was also happy to enjoy the beard he was growing. I loved the rugged look it gave him, although he was not happy with the gray it showed. LOL. He decided he wanted to shave so I took one last photo of us together with it.

Here is the after photo. I have to admit, he does look younger without it. I told him either way, he still makes me swoon, so it’s all good. 😉

{funny}

We finally got some much needed rain and when it stopped Matthew couldn’t wait to jump in some puddles. It’s the prefect way for a two year old to start his day. 😉

{real}

Brian’s boss and co-workers are awesome people. They sent him a get well card with many lovely sentiments and this little gift…

A Packers cheesehead autographed by Aaron Rodgers! He was golfing this weekend at Pebble Beach for the AT&T ProAm and they pulled a few strings to get this for him. Brian was so excited. I love it. 🙂

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