For the next few Weigh-in Wednesdays I’ll be doing a book study of Hallie Lord’s Style, Sex, and Substance: 10 Catholic Women Consider the Things that Really Matter .

Previous posts:
Chapter 1 – “How I Fell Out of My Minivan and Found Myself” by Jen Fulwiler.

Chapter 2 – “Style: Balance, Beauty and You” by Hallie Lord

Two Concerns – When I write about prayer and the spiritual life, I find it difficult because I never know where the other person is at spiritually speaking. There are some Catholics who will say grace before meals and perhaps a quick prayer in the morning and the night. Then there are some who go to daily Mass, pray a daily rosary, attend weekly adoration, read the Bible and the Breviary. There is not much I can tell them that they don’t already know. On the contrary, I am the one who can learn from them.

So when I first saw that Karen Edmisten’s chapter was about prayer, two thoughts immediately came to mind. First, I hope she is not over-my-head spiritual and I get lost when she starts talking about locutions and whatnot. The second concern was what can she say that I haven’t already read a hundred times? I sighed and opened up the chapter anyway.

God Speaks – Just as I was about to start reading, Matthew (my one year old) started banging his toy on our flat screen TV. I looked up and could see the color of the TV screen go white at the spot where he was banging. Quickly I turn off the TV and took the toy away knowing that it would do little good because it is a game he enjoys playing. I tell him no, take the object away and get him interested in something else. He waits for me to walk away and then he runs back to the TV and bangs it with any object he can find. As I am looking at him exasperated, I can hear that “God voice” in my heart says, “You know, Bobbi. You are just like little Matthew. I tell you something. You listen for a few minutes then you are off doing your own thing again. You may have heard all that prayer stuff many times before but are you actually listening and following it? Are you so proficient that you have nothing left to learn?” Touché.

I’m Hooked – I return to the book and dig into Chapter 3, knowing that God has his lessons for me. My second concern that Karen would be too lofty was alleviated when I read advice like this:

“Theoretically, the when of prayer is simpler than the what. We pick a time, and we commune with God, right? Eh, not so fast there, missy. In my experience, life rarely goes as planned. We all keep waiting for that golden, magical moment when life will settle down, and everything will shimmer and waft dreamily into place. Listen to me very carefully: Life doesn’t settle down. Not on this side of heaven. Still, there are a few things we can do to help our messy, unshimmery lives run a little more smoothly.”

Oh, yeah. That’s a woman after my own heart! Seriously, I feel like skipping my comments and just tell you to go read her chapter for yourself. It is concise, down to earth and spot on. I can’t explain it any better than she already did and the Holy Spirit may highlight something to you that is completely different from what he wanted me to hear. It is a great overview and you can get other material to delve deeper into the areas that most struck you. Regardless, I’ll go ahead and share a couple things that touched me the most.

But I Already Know That – One of Karen’s opening paragraph’s sums up the whole need for this chapter:

“But no matter what the temptations, the solution to conquering them is the same: grace and prayer, the sacraments, accountability, spiritual support from others, and ongoing discernment to keep our relationship with God flourishing.”

She goes on to say:

“We know what it is. We know we need to do it. And we agonize over fitting it in. But without prayer, we haven’t got a prayer.”

That’s right. We’ve all heard it. We all know it. But like the little toddler with his mischievous ways, there is always something to learn or be reminded.
Karen talks about various forms of prayer but I especially enjoyed when she said to “embrace your vocation or current state in life.” She continues:

“Whether you’re single, married, or discerning a call to religious life, deliriously happy or a confused mess, offer it up to God. Give him every moment. Prayers and pleas muttered throughout the day (God loves intimate muttering, I’m sure of it) are a great way to stay in touch with him.”

This reminded me of a time last year when my brother was really sick and almost dying. He was on my mind all the time but we lived far apart and I couldn’t be near him. Instead I turned to God. In a previous post about it, I wrote:

“…with my brother on my mind so much I have been constantly turning my heart to God to pray for him or to just talk to God about what happens to be on my mind. It is a reminder of how I should always be – going about my work but aware of God’s presence with me. I noticed that when I had to stop what I was doing to tend to another toddler crisis, instead of complaining or having a fit of impatience, I just sighed and thought, “I do this for love of you, my Lord.”

I still think of that today and try to remember it. Karen gave some beautiful examples of how we can keep that prayer going throughout the day to day activities in our lives.

Visual Aids – Karen shares:

“My friend Johnna, a mother of eight, stations strategic visual reminders around her house to help her focus on her calling. ‘When I’m in the midst of chaos,’ she said, ‘which is our house most of the time, I need to see that I am not alone.’ The corporal works of mercy are labeled in various rooms of the house. A homemade sign exhorting, ‘Feed the hungry’ is taped to a cupboard. ‘Give drink to the thirsty’ is above the kitchen sink, and ‘Clothe the naked’ graces the washing machine. The time-out chair beckons, ‘Visit the Imprisoned.'”

I love that idea! We have a very (as my mother-in-law calls it) “Catholic house” meaning that people can tell we are Catholic by all the icons, religious pictures, statues and prayer altar. (Hopefully our actions prove the fact. 😉 I am a very visual person so I like to keep an icon of Mary and baby Jesus on my kitchen window ledge and a cross on the kitchen wall and a crucifix and an icon of my patron saint (St. Anne) on my desk in front of my monitor so I always see it.

In fact, I loved the Works of Mercy idea so much that I made a 5×7 sign, printed it on cardstock and posted it to the cabinet above my washing machine. It is a perfect reminder as I am washing the tenth load of laundry that day.

Scheduling – Remember that first quote from Karen that I posted, that was from the section about making time for prayer. I am happy to say that I finally made it work with my confession time. I like to go to confession at the least once a month (more often when I am in need of extra grace.) It was always sort of hit and miss but now that Bella is old enough to come with me I had to make it a steady habit, for her as well as me. We decided to go every last Saturday of the month. It is on our calendar and Brian knows that he’ll babysit the boys while she and I go.
Just last Saturday (which was the last one of the month) I was already thinking, “Gosh, I have so many errands to do this Saturday. I want to get to Target first then head to Costco right at 9:30 AM when it opens… maybe I’ll just skip Confession and go next week (since confession also starts at 9:30 AM.) It’s not like I won’t go… I’m just waiting an extra week….” But I knew I couldn’t. Instead I rearranged my day so I could do to confession first then run my errands. Sure things were a little more hectic in the parking lot and crowded in the Costco aisles but my heart was able to take it since it was filled with grace. 🙂 And it was a small act of love I could offer to God. (Yes, I am so low on the spiritual totem pole that forgoing an early trip to Costco counts as a sacrifice. 😉

Accountability & Spiritual Friendships – That is an area I definitely need work on. I don’t have a formal spiritual director although I go to confession to the same priest who knows me and my family situation so he is able to guide me in my vocation. However, I don’t have female friends who I am really close to in order to discuss deeper, spiritual topics. I used to but it seems like since I was pregnant with Matthew we sort of fell out of touch. That is something I’ll have to rectify. I can talk more about that in the chapter about friendship.

Discernment – Karen briefly talks about the book Retreat with the Lord by Fr. John Hardon. The book offers simple steps for discernment based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. She gives bullet point categories of discernment that we should consider while praying. I found this really helpful since a mother’s life is full of prayer and discernment about herself, her family and those around her.

“My One Thing” – In the last section of Karen’s chapter she says:

“Though my life has been full of about-faces, since my conversion I can say one thing with confidence: I know who I am. Life is still messy, but I get that the goal in life is to will one thing: loving Jesus Christ.”

We should each have that one goal that is always at the forefront of our mind and at the center of our hearts in all that we do. As I mentioned in another previous post, lately my one goal has been to love Jesus and to be a comfort to him. I wrote:

“… I was at confession and the priest talked to me about being a comfort to Jesus. He told me to let my heart be a dwelling place that brings comfort to Christ… It is easy for me to call on Jesus and seek his help but something struck a nerve when the priest told me that I could console the heart of Christ. Since then I have often prayed, “Lord, may I never bring you grief, instead may I be a comfort to your heart.”

Sometimes I forget that but Karen’s chapter helped me to not only remember but it gave me practical means to put that into practice. So I guess I did have something to learn after all.
A special thanks to Karen for writing this chapter and sharing her wisdom and wit with us.