He is Risen! He is risen Indeed! I wish you and your loved ones a very blessed Easter season! I set aside blogging for Holy Week but I am back today with my Online Daybook.
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Moments of Gratitude…
Today I am especially thankful for
- Making it through Lent and for the first time feeling like I made a little spiritual progress.
- The joy of Easter.
- The giggles of the kids.
- The deliciousness of chocolate.
- Time with family.
Beauty in the Ordinary…
Bubbles on a spring day.
In the Kitchen…
M – Leftovers from Easter dinner.
T – Chicken Meatball and Tortellini Soup
W – Breakfast dinner – Pancakes
Th – Roasted chicken, brown rice and veggies
F – Leftovers
S – (Road trip to So Cal) Dinner at my mom and dad’s (woohoo!)
S – Dinner at my brother’s place. (Double woohoo!)
- For Brian’s chemo and continued recovery from cancer.
- For all those who are fighting cancer and other illnesses.
- For all the pregnant mamas as well as those who are suffering from infertility or miscarriage.
- For those who entered into the Church this Easter.
- For the renewed faith of cradle Catholics.
- For those who are far from God and most in need of his mercy.
- For some special intentions.
On the homefront……
On the 16th, Brian and I celebrated the anniversary of our first date/first meeting face to face. It feel like it was just yesterday and not 15 years ago! I still remember how nervous I was. We met online though AMSCOL and had been emailing and talking on the phone for 4 1/2 months and I was almost certain he was the man I was going to marry even though I hadn’t even laid eyes on him yet. My last reservations melted away once we were together. Everything clicked. I knew I would love him for the rest of my life.
Fast forward eight months from that first date and I was vowing before God to love Brian for better and for worse, in sickness and in health. Well, my chance to love him in sickness is here. I knew Brian wouldn’t be able to go on a real date for our anniversary so I planned a little after hours date and made a special dessert for us to share after the kids went to bed. However, Brian was feeling really tired and in a lot of pain from the chemo so he went to go take a nap after dinner. The first week after his first chemo treatment was tough for him but, in his words, this second cycle was 100x worse than the first. Brian didn’t just take a nap after dinner. He was out for the rest of the night. Like a mom with a newborn baby, a few times I checked on him to make sure he was still breathing since he has never slept that long. So I didn’t get to celebrate with him but at least he was alive and fighting for us.
I know many of you are praying for us – I can feel the grace keeping me upright. It’s hard at times. The following day Brian came home from work (he tries to put in a few hours each day in order to keep our insurance) and I could see how tired he was and that his whole body was aching. I told him to go to bed and get some rest and I had my father -in-law come over and babysit the kids so I could keep a dentist appointment that I had. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned was like having a mini spa day but I’ll take what I can get.
When I came home I made dinner. Brian ate a little then went back to bed. As I cleaned up the dishes and put in another load of laundry and got the kids ready for bed and wiped behinds I couldn’t help but feel resentful. Not of Brian, but of the cancer. It feel like it is stealing my husband and stealing our life together. I hate it. I hate seeing Brian like this. I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling hateful. I hadn’t cried in awhile but that night I let the tears fall. It helped.
On Easter morning, there was joy in the Risen Lord but also pain that we are still carrying our cross. It was a weird sensation. But we are hanging in there. I’m hoping that this next week will ease up a bit for Brian and he can catch his breath. He is having a couple of “red flags” in his side effects so he has to talk to the doctor and check and make sure his dosage doesn’t need to be lowered. Next week Brian has an “off” week without chemo and we are praying that he feels better so he can join me and the kids for our road trip to see my family.
In that same train of thought, I know that the crosses we carry are meant to be our road to salvation. If we allow it, our crosses can draw us closer to God and bring us deeper into his love. So I keep thinking, what is God trying to teach me? How do I, as a wife, fight and hate this cancer yet embrace it as the cross I am to carry right now. I have a long way to go but I think it has already drawn me to a less superficial faith in God. I have to dig deep to trust in God. I have to go deeper in my prayer life. I can’t just rattle off a few prayers to check it off a list. I need to truly connect with God or I am a raving lunatic the whole day.
When I was a kid my mom used to love listening to John Michael Talbot, who now looks like Gandolf but still has a lovely voice. Since I’ve been married I have gotten in the habit of playing his music during Lent since it put me in a quiet and prayerful mood. On Good Friday I was listening to his album Come to the Quiet and his song Psalm 62 brought tears to my eyes. It is exactly what I am clinging to right now.
1 [For the choirmaster . . . Jeduthun Psalm Of David] In God alone there is rest for my soul, from him comes my safety;
2 he alone is my rock, my safety, my stronghold so that I stand unshaken.
3 How much longer will you set on a victim, all together, intent on murder, like a rampart already leaning over, a wall already damaged?
4 Trickery is their only plan, deception their only pleasure, with lies on their lips they pronounce a blessing, with a curse in their hearts.Pause
5 Rest in God alone, my soul! He is the source of my hope.
6 He alone is my rock, my safety, my stronghold, so that I stand unwavering.
7 In God is my safety and my glory, the rock of my strength. In God is my refuge;
8 trust in him, you people, at all times. Pour out your hearts to him, God is a refuge for us.
9 Ordinary people are a mere puff of wind, important people a delusion; set both on the scales together, and they are lighter than a puff of wind.
10 Put no trust in extortion, no empty hopes in robbery; however much wealth may multiply, do not set your heart on it.
11 Once God has spoken, twice have I heard this: Strength belongs to God,
12 to you, Lord, faithful love; and you repay everyone as their deeds deserve.
Source – Catholic.org
Around the house…
The Easter celebration aftermath that has yet to be cleaned up.
The same as last time. I’m just about done with both.
We are on Easter break so I hear A LOT of boy chatter, laughter, yelling and fighting. There is a constant chorus of “No fighting boys” and “Hands to yourself” coming out of my mouth all day long.
I miss The Walking Dead. Luckily, I forgot I had a rain check from Target sitting in my purse so I redeemed it and picked up the first season on blu ray for only $10. Score. Since we are on Easter break and Brian is in bed early I can stay up and catch up on some shows siting in my DVR forever including The Originals, Mindy Project, Trophy Wife and Revenge. (Revenge was losing me this season but if Emily gets back to her red sharpie I may not cut her off. ) 😉
On the blog…
Tomorrow is our Pinterest Party and I’m still not sure what to post about… whole wheat baked chocolate donuts I baked or a new daily planner page I made and will share.
In the blogosphere…
1. What did you and your family wear to Mass on Easter Sunday?
I forgot to take full shots of Brian and myself so a head shot will have to do… picture this with a black skirt (Old Navy) and mary jane heels that were promptly kicked off the moment I got out of Mass. They are super cute but I loathe wearing anything but flats or converse. 😉 I was actually going to wear a pink sweater but Brian requested this same bluish one (Macys) because it is his favorite. Just when you think they never notice what you wear… 🙂 The pearls used to belong to Brian’s grandma. Brian’s mom gave them to me and one day they will go to Bella. (She likes dressing up as much as I do but we do our duty. LOL.)
Bella was looking pretty in lavender (dress from Target) and the boys all wanted to wear blue. (Pull overs from H&M, plaid shirts form Carters and jeans from Target.)
I don’t know if it is the stereotypical laid back California attitude but we are casual dressers, even on formal occasions. Dressing up means pairing the boys’ jeans and converse with a plaid shirt and pullover. 😉
2. Easter Bunny: thumbs up or thumbs down?
Thumbs up. Our Easter bunny comes while we are at Easter Mass. He hides plastic eggs in our house and the kids find them. If they find all their color coded eggs then they get their Easter basket. When they hunt for eggs at their Oma and Opa’s house they know they (not the Easter Bunny) hid them in their backyard.
3. Do you prefer to celebrate holidays at your own house or at someone else’s house?
I like when family comes over to my house for dinner on “ordinary” days. For the big holidays we keep the morning time for us. Opening presents or Easter baskets, having a mini breakfast feast and lounging the rest of the day. Then we head over to Brian’s family for Easter (or Christmas) dinner. I prefer it that way because the thought of cooking a big meal for everyone stresses me out. Thanksgiving, however, must be spent with my family in So Cal or I’ll cry. LOL.
4. What is your favorite kind of candy?
Oh, that’s a tough one…. it would be a tie between Resses peanut butter cups, snickers, almond joy and peanut M&M’s. Although these days I am trying to stick to dark chocolate covered almonds. when I need a chocolate fix. Both are “health foods,” you know. 😉
5. Do you like video games?
Um…no. Yesterday I downloaded Angry Birds Go the go cart game for the kids and I tried to play it. How come I know how to drive yet I can’t steer a stupid iphone video game?? After crashing four times in a row Andrew picked it up and won on his first try. I give up.
6. Do you speak another language?
I wish I could say Spanish but I only know phrases like “more cheese on my tacos, please” so I don’t think that counts. It’s tough when other Mexican people come up to me and ask me for help in Spanish and I have to tell them I don’t speak Spanish. I’m like an Oreo cookie – dark on the outside but white on the inside. 😉 I’ll have to add “learn more Spanish” on my bucket list.
I haven’t had time for Pinterest lately but I did pin these two.
Plans for the Week…
If all goes well, we will be leaving this week for So Cal for a going away party for my brother -in-law Mick who is being deployed to Afghanistan, a college graduation party for my brother Rob and then heading to Disneyland for a few days. 🙂 If Brian is well, he’ll come with us and then take it easy at my parent’s house or the hotel if he’s not up to DL. If he stays home he can rest in peace and quiet without all of us noisemakers in the house. Either way, I need this trip so I can get a little familia recharge. Nothing like a hug from mom and dad and laughter from my siblings to make me feel energized again. 😉
Since I had Psalm 62 on my mind…
Okay, it seems like it took me days to finally finish this Daybook so I’m linking it up at all my favorite spots…
Have a great day/evening. 🙂
UPDATE: Brian just got home and he looks a lot better than he did last night. He said he had a bit more energy today and was able to work 6 hours so I’m praying he is on the upswing again. Thanks for keeping us in prayer! xoxo
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