This post was originally posted on the old Revolution of Love website a few years back. I reposted it on the blog since it is still relevant and this week’s book discussion of Style, Sex and Substance is on Chapter 4: Sex, Passion and Purity.
Chastity Part I – Living Chastely and Loving It
Chastity is a way of life. It is respecting the human person as a whole, not as an object. It is valuing your own gift of sexuality and revering the sacredness and life-giving power of sex within marriage. Chastity is not a negative aspect of “I can’t do this” or “I can’t do that,” rather it is empowering. Living chastely frees us from the shackles of immorality and allows us to live a life of freedom as God intended.
Chastity is not for guys who are weak and faint-hearted.
Today’s society will often portray a male virgin in their 20’s or 30’s as a sort of social misfit – undesirable, unmanly, timid or a religious fanatic. I have very little regard for many of society’s “values” so it’s not surprising to find out…that’s such a lie!
A guy who constantly gratifies his own sexual desires through immorality is a billboard for weakness. It is true that most guys have a strong sex drive BUT when a guy puts his weakness in God’s hands and works with God to control his passion and love purely, that is a man of strength and honor! (For you single guys looking for a holy wife…that is extremely attractive to a girl!)
Chastity helps a guy develop his true potential as a man of God, realizing that there is more to him than his sex drive. It helps him view women not through the eyes of lust but through the eyes of God. He sees their beauty and treats then with respect and the tenderness of a pure heart. Chastity inspires him to love God and rely on Him continuously for strength.
Chastity is not for girls who enjoy having a low self-esteem and dating losers.
Most often it seems that men use the words “I love you” to get sex, while women have sex to hear “I love you”. For the most part, girls ache to be held and told that they are loved. I will admit I was one of those countless females who didn’t feel loved and worth anything unless I had a guy in my life – whether I was dating him, chasing him, or just flirting with him. Why was my self-worth so low that I could not bear not having a guy in my life? Because I equated physical attraction and emotion with love. Because I didn’t have God in my life to see that I am precious and loved by Him!
Chastity helps a woman realize that her self-worth doesn’t come from this world but from within – knowing that you are the precious daughter of God, created to love and be loved. With His strength and grace you come to realize that you do not need to degrade yourself for emotional or physical gratification. You realize that God has chosen a special spouse just for you (whether it be Christ as a religious or to a man of God in marriage) and you have the God-given grace to live joyfully in the freedom of purity and self-respect. (Ladies, if it worked for me, it can certainly work for you!)
Chastity is for the spiritual poppas and mommas.
In a special and unique way, the consecrated, religious and clergy are able to give a powerful witness to how a person can love purely for the sake of Christ and His Church. A priest and religious brother must have a great capacity to love in order to give their life to God in this way. They have taken the holy Catholic Church as their beloved bride and have dedicated their lives to loving and serving her. They have taken as their children the people they help day in and day out.
Likewise, nuns, sisters, and consecrated women have been chosen by God to be Christ’s beloved spouse. With the natural instinct to mother and nurture, they have embraced the countless souls that live in misery, both physically and spiritually. Their prayers and works caress these souls and love them so that they too may realize that God is their Father and He desires them to be happy with Him in heaven. As spiritual brides and mothers, they are living example of pure life-giving love.
Chastity is for those who say “I Do”.
Brian and I live as a chaste married couple…does that mean we don’t have sex?? No, it means that we treasure sex as a powerful and life giving gift! All spouses are called to continue to live their life of chastity even after they are married. Remember that chastity is a way of life, treating sex and love with dignity and respecting its purpose. Couples are not to use artificial contraception for that would desecrate the act of marital intercourse, drive a wedge between the couple and take God out of the picture. Married couples must keep God in the bedroom. After all, He is the life-giving creator of sex. When couples do this they are able to enjoy an incredibly beautiful and powerful gift that bonds them together at all levels – physically, mentally, and spiritually. That love is so strong and so blessed that God-willing, nine months later you’ll be choosing a name.
Living chastely as a married couple also means outside of the bedroom. It is respecting your spouse for who they are and loving their whole person, not just their bodies. It is guarding your eyes, ears, thoughts, and actions so that nothing would ever poison the sacred love you share with your spouse. It is living married life as God meant it to be lived – filled with love, dignity, and tremendous joy.
Chastity is for the pure of heart.
I am overjoyed when I see teenagers, young adults, and married couples living a life of chastity. It is such an encouragement to me and gives great glory to God, especially in today’s world. They are living chastely for God and loving it… but not because it is easy or requires no work. Rather, they are like an athlete in training. It requires hard work, dedication and sacrifice but when the goal is achieved and you have won the race, all the work was worth it. It is the same for living the Christian life.
So to you who are living a chaste life, I say, thank you! You are lights in a world of darkness that desperately needs you! Your chaste life is one of great beauty! You are the hope of other single people who are looking for a holy spouse! You are our inspiration when we see you performing your priestly duties! Your love shines beyond the convent walls! The love you have for your spouse and children are a testimony to men and women throughout society! You all encourage me and countless others. May God bless you and strengthen you, forever!
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