Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

I’ve got a lot to do today so I’ll just take a few minutes to make my Quick Takes this week. I have errands and house cleaning to do since I have company coming over next week. Two of my sisters will be visiting from Southern California and I can’t wait! I get a double treat since not only will be able to spend time with my sisters, they have also offered to babysit the kids, baby included, so Brian and I can go out. He has a special treat planned for next Friday night and I can’t wait!

I’m hoping the weather stays nice next week. It has been like spring! The other day was actually warm, so warm that I saw an old homeless guy on the street with his shirt off sunbathing next to his shopping cart. Not exactly a pretty picture but he seemed to be enjoying the California sun.

Tonight I’m going to a baby shower and I’m looking forward to seeing some of my Catholic mom friends. Sometimes I get so busy with life that the first thing to slip away is spending time with other moms. Yet, I truly need it. There is something about being able to talk to another mom face to face (not that I don’t appreciate my online friends 😉 and being able to have an adult conversation or just joke around about the quirks of motherhood. I miss it and am glad to have it back.

This next Quick Take sort of morphed into its own post about miscarriage, suffering and finding joy so I’ll just count the following as numbers 4-7.
It is the norm amongst (practicing) Catholic families to have a number of women pregnant at the same time. But lately, there seems to be a number of people I know dealing with the pain of miscarriage. For some, this is their second, even third. For others, this is their first. Brian and I lost two babies during the years between Bella and Andrew. Both happened early in the pregnancy but that didn’t diminish the anguish it caused. That first miscarriage was honestly the most painful experience of my life. We had been dealing with infertility for awhile and were so excited when we finally conceived.
I remember how happy I was to buy a new pregnancy journal to record the next nine months of my pregnancy. I never thought I’d have to say good bye to my little one in that journal. Years ago I posted my pregnancy journal online on RoL, just as I had done with Bella’s journal. I wanted to show that my little one was no less loved just because I never had the chance to hold him in my arms. How my heart goes out to these moms. I pray that Our Lord brings them peace, comfort and strength as Our Lady takes care of their babies until they can hold them one day in heaven.
Hearing about these miscarriages has also been a stark reminder to me of how blessed I am. This week has been a bit of a struggle for me. The kind of days when my facebook status should read – Although I love being a mother, today sucked. Of course, the problems aren’t really major but lack of sleep and caring for sick ones can make the usual little problems seem magnified. However, when I hear about someone losing their baby (no matter how young) I can’t help but get a swift kick in the rear and realize just how blessed I am. Suddenly things are put into perspective and things don’t look as bad. It helps me find the joy in the chaos.
That reminds me of today’s quote and prayer from Small Steps for Catholic Moms. The quote is from St. Francis de Sales. “To keep the soul continually in a state of gentle calm, it is necessary to perform every action as being done in the presence of God, and as if he himself ordained it.” The prayer goes on to say, “God, sometimes it’s so hard to let go of control! Help me to trust that you are in charge and to find the peace and joy that comes from accepting each moment for the gift it truly is.”
Some days it is easy to refocus and reclaim your joy. Other days, especially when you are carrying a heavy cross, the struggles weigh you down and sometimes you just need some time before you can start to even grasp the thought of joy. God knows that and he gives us just what we need.
I can’t help but think about my little Matthew as he is learning how to walk. I let him go and he toddles a bit and falls down. Then he gets back up and tries again. But at some point he is exhausted and can’t try anymore. He sits on the ground crying with his hands raised up to me. I often think of us as babies and toddlers learning to walk. Like a loving father, God knows exactly when to let us try and walk on our own. And he knows when we are exhausted and can’t go on, we just need to be picked up and carried in his arms.
So whether you are walking upright under the close eye of your Father or being held in his arms while you gather your strength, the point is that God is always there. Surrendering yourself and your situation to him doesn’t mean that the pain will suddenly vanish, but slowly the healing will take place and we’ll be given the grace and courage to walk once again.
(NOTE: I meant only to spend a few minutes doing this quick takes but it has been over an hour and Matthew has miraculously been asleep the whole time. I just now reread my journal and although I lost our first baby seven years ago, all the pain and grief has swept over me as if it were fresh and I’m just sobbing. I can barely type here. I need to stop for a moment…
I guess the pain never completely goes away. Maybe I needed to be reminded that my two little saints are up there looking out for me and praying for me. I’ve reposted my pregnancy journals for Bella and our miscarried Baby Victor Brian on the blog. Maybe reading it will help another mom know she’s not alone in her grief and that there is hope in the end.)
Have a blessed weekend.
xoxo,
B