Loving Dad: Lessons I Learned from my Father-in-Law

By bobbi
April 20, 2016
4 Comments

I want to take a moment to thank all the family and friends who send cards, emails, texts and messages of prayers, thoughts and condolences over the past few weeks. Many of you have been following us along on this journey for awhile, through my father-in-law’s illness and his passing, and have always been a source of support and comfort. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me and to my family.

It’s been a week since the funeral of my father-in-law (Bill) and it has given me some time to reflect on how his life touched those around him and the lessons he unknowingly taught me. I wanted to share a few of these thoughts with you.

My father-in-law Bill, me and newly baptized Baby Bella.

It’s Great to Be Loved

Sixteen years ago I met Bill when I flew 400 miles from my home to meet Brian’s parents for the first time. I was nervous and almost sick to my stomach but Bill’s warmth and friendliness won me over from the first moment.

After I married Brian I had a difficult time calling Bill “dad” because in my eyes there would never be another man who could take the place of my own daddy. I tried calling him by his first name (something he did not like) and then variations of dad – Pops, Papa, Father – but none of them fit. Finally, I settled on “dad” when I realized that although he would never take the place of my father in my heart, he had carved his own spot in my heart, allowing me to love him like a daughter.

It became a bit of a joke between me and my mother-in-law that I was Bill’s “sweetie.” My MIL would call me up and ask me to persuade dad to do something that was for his own good. If she asked him herself he would balk but if I asked he’d be much more willing to comply. We often did this to get dad to slow down and rest because he was always on the go. Resting became much easier for him if I had him sit with the kids and watch a DVD with them “so I could get some work done.”

I think part of the reason Bill loved me so much was because I gave him four grandchildren, something he never thought would happen while Brian was in the seminary. Luckily for him, that wasn’t Brian’s vocation. As a result, Bill received a daughter-in-law, his beloved granddaughter (who was the apple of his eye) and three lively grandsons that would carry on the family name.

Opa with Bella and Andrew. / Opa with John-Paul and Matthew.

Family Is Paramount

Family was everything to Bill and there was nothing he wouldn’t do to spend time with us or to help us out. It is an understatement to say that the kids were the joy of his life. He loved every minute he spent with them whether it was picking them up from school, attending their school functions, going for walks with them after school or watching a movie with them on the couch. They lit up his day and kept him young beyond his years. In turn, they had a close bond with him and loved their time with him. It wasn’t just the kids who received this special attention. He was always giving to Brian, myself, my mother-in-law and his sisters. He often told me that without family, nothing else mattered.

I Can Be Brave

Although my father-in-law had a gentle side to him, he was one of the most tenacious and determined men that I have ever known. Once something was in his head, nothing would stop him from accomplishing it. I remember when Brian and I were buying our first family car, Bill offered to negotiate the deal for us and we gladly accepted. The way he haggled with the salesman had Brian and me squirming uncomfortably in our seats. We were ready to give the salesman the few extra thousand dollars he wanted just to get out of there but Bill would not back down. After what seemed like an endless pulling and tugging the salesman finally relented and gave dad the price he wanted and the free extras he requested. It was a work of financial beauty. To this day whenever Brian or I have to deal with a situation that we want to avoid, I tell him that we need to channel our inner Opa and Get. It. Done.

Give with a Generous Heart

If there was one attribute that stood out the most in my father-in-law, it was his generosity. It was more than just being generous with his wallet, the man gave of himself. He lived Gospel charity. He was always there to lend a hand, do a favor and visit the lonely however tired or busy he might be. After his retirement, you would find him walking the halls of the local hospital or various nursing homes visiting the sick and bringing them communion. When friends or family were sick in the hospital he would be there to visit every, single day. He never wanted a person to feel alone or unloved. He was relentless in his service to the church and to the community, while never neglecting his own family. That is a rare feat.

Value Wisdom and a Broader View of the World

My father-in-law had a rich history of life. Coming to American from former Yugoslavia as a young man, serving in the army, building a new life in a new country, earning a Masters in political science, succeeding in business, raising a family and living nearly 90 years of life gave him wisdom and a broader view of the world than I could ever have. We didn’t always see eye to eye on politics or world events but he always gave me a better understanding of differing views and helped me to see the world beyond me with a more compassionate heart and wider worldview.

My Final Lesson

In the final year of life, after my father-in-law’s stroke, you would think that there was little left he could teach us. But I think his deepest lesson was saved for last. It was difficult for all of us to watch Dad decline physically and mentally. It wasn’t easy to explain to the kids why Opa could no longer go on hikes with them or play soccer in the driveway.

He was still able to love us and he taught us how to love back unconditionally without expecting anything in return. He taught us to look beyond the aging body and faltering mind to see the strength and beauty of his spirit, to recall the wisdom he gave us and to duplicate his generosity. We saw the dignity and value of just being by his side and holding his hand when no words were left to be spoken. He taught us how to love, how to let go and how to hope that we will see each other once again in the presence of God. Those are lessons that can never be taken away from me or my family.

Some of my favorite photos of my father-in-law.

Thanks for all you gave me, Dad. I love you.

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March and April 2016 Goals (and a Review of my Jan/ Feb Goals)

By bobbi
March 3, 2016
2 Comments

Can you believe March is here already! I can bemoan all the things I didn’t get done last month or I can get excited about a new fresh start. Let’s go with the new start, shall we. 😉 But before I get to goals for March and April, I want to review over my goals for January and February. The past two months were busier than I anticipated and while I didn’t accomplish all I hoped for, there was progress so that’s a win!

My main goals do not change but my mini-goals change depending on the two month interval and what projects I want to complete. So here is a summary of my progress and my mini goals for March/ April 2016.

* * *

Main Goal #1: To always have God at the center of my life and to deepen my love for Him. I want his will to be my will and motivation.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals Reviewed

15 minutes morning prayer. – I had a few dry spells but for the most part, I tried to make sure I had a morning prayer time. However, there were days I could have put greater effort into it. I feel like I rushed through it just to get it over with. No bueno.
Short exam and Act of Contrition at end of the day. – This was going well for awhile but the last week or so I’ve been fried at the end of the day and not in the mood for serious reflection. I need to make a change.

March/ April Mini-Goals

I’m going to keep at it until I get it down solid.

15 minutes of morning prayer. – I want to work on the quality over the quantity. I’d rather have 5 minutes of a really thoughtful connection with God than 15 minutes of zoning out just so I can mark a check box.
Short exam and Act of Contrition at end of the day. – I think I need to rearrange my evening schedule to do my exam a little earlier in the evening. I keep trying to do “one more thing” until it’s so late I need to get to bed. So I’ll plan my night reflection before I start the “one more thing” game.

* * *

Main Goal #2: To be a loving and holy wife to Brian and to work at keeping our marriage strong, to nurture our friendship and spend time alone to reconnect.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals Reviewed

Continue to plan weekly date nights and monthly out of the house dates. Step up the at home date nights so there is more one-on-one and not just passively watching a movie. – This has been going well. Now that Bella can babysit we feel comfortable leaving for an hour to go out to lunch at least once a month.
Brian works so hard for us, do little things to make his day easier. (ie. Make his lunch or clean out his coffee machine or take out the trash – things that he would normally do.) – I didn’t consciously remember to do something for him every day but it was often that I tried to ease his load. He really appreciated it and I loved seeing the gratitude on his face (or in his kiss.) 🙂

Mini-Goals

Coordinate schedules and plan date outing with Brian for March and April.
Daily act of kindness for Brian. – Brian’s workload will be heavy these next few months so I again will try to do something each day to help lighten the load.
Shut up and let it go. – I will also work on biting my tongue when he does a task differently than how I would do it. My way it not automatically the right way!

* * *

Main Goal #3: To be a good mother that loves her kids and spends time with them and is not always “too busy.” I want to teach them about their faith and how to love and serve God in their young lives.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals Reviewed

Use my free morning time to get all my stuff done so I can spend more one-on-one time with the kids during homework time in the afternoon. No computer/phone use in the afternoon. – Hmmm, if I’m honest I’d say it went well in Jan but failed in Feb. I think I need a redo on this one. Ugh.
Work with Andrew as he prepares for his First Reconciliation next month. – This went great mostly because Brian wanted to do the bulk of the prep. I love a man that takes charge spiritually since it is usually left to the wife. 🙂 So together we both helped and Andrew did a fine job.
More family time activities on the weekend. – We had a lot of rainy weekends so it was tough doing outdoor things but we always tried to have some fun activity together even if it was just movie and popcorn, so yeah this was pretty good.

March/April Mini-Goals

Use my free morning time to get all my stuff done so I can spend more one-on-one time with the kids during homework time in the afternoon. No computer/phone use in the afternoon. – I need to keep working on this one.
Let the boys help in the kitchen more and be patient with them. – When I make dinner I like to get in there and get it done but Matthew often wants to “help” me cook. It’s been fun letting him stir spaghetti sauce or chop veggies for a salsa but now his older brothers have asked to have a turn helping me cook. Since we have a small kitchen and I have a small level of patience, I said that each night one boy could help me prepare the meal. Last night I wanted to zip through dinner but Andrew was eager to help. We made his favorite breakfast dinner and I showed him how to make the scrambled egg. It took a heck of a lot longer but he was so proud and so excited to tell Brian about it when he got home from work that I knew it was worth it. Not to mention that it will help them learn a skill they can use for the rest of their lives. (Future daughters-in-law, you’re welcome.) For Matthew, it was not easy to relinquish his throne as kitchen helper but he is home with me for his lunch and we make that together. Plus I let him take the “orders” at dinner and serve the plates so that has kept him happy. 😉
Continue with our family Lenten practices and nightly decade of the rosary. – In the past we have done a lot more activities but this year all we could handle was our nightly prayer, marking the calendar and using the sacrifice beans. Sometime less is more.

* * *

Main Goal #4: To bring order into our home so I am not stressed out by the mess and chaos. When things are organized our family life runs smoother and there is more peace.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals Reviewed

I’ve been slacking on my meal planning and going to the store too often so back to weekly meal plans on Sunday. – Better but not great. I have been making a weekly plan for the most part but coming up with meals other than the usual handful of meals is like pulling teeth. I need help.
Spend time on the weekends with Mystie’s Work the Plan course. – Total fail.
Follow A Bowl Full of Lemon’s 2016 Home Organization 101 Challenge. – To the outsider, this was a fail but I’d rather look at it as a revised goal. There were weekly challenges and it literally took me a month to accomplish the week challenge. Soooo, I’m revising it and continuing it in the coning months.

March/April Mini-Goals

Make a reference meal list. – The other day I was trying to pick meals for the week and I kept drawing a blank so I asked the kids (we were driving in the car at the time) what were their favorite meals. Together we started remembering meals we’ve enjoyed but that I haven’t made in awhile. I need to sit down and right down all those meals in my bullet journal so when I am stumped with meal planing I have ideas ready for me.
Put all my printed recipes into a binder for easy reference. – I have some well worn out printed recipes that I refer to often but they are either in a pile on the kitchen counter or shoved on a book shelf by my cookbooks. They are never where I need them when I need them. Now I already bought the cute recipe binder and the handy dividers and the pens to label the dividers but I haven’t actually sat down and done the work to put it together. (That is so Bobbi, it’s ridiculous. And I can hear my mom laughing.) So this month I will Get. It. Done.
Continue A Bowl Full of Lemon’s 2016 Home Organization 101 Challenge. – However, I will change the weeks to months. Who care if by the time I finish it will be time for the 2017 challenge. A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do.

* * *Main Goal #5 – To take care of myself physically, spiritually and mentally so I can be a happy and healthy wife, mother and friend. Taking care of myself mentally also means challenging myself to come out of my comfort zone and facing my fears and trying new things.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals Reviewed

Continued basics – water, vitamins, walk at least 20 minutes 5x a week and in bed by 11 on school nights. – Walking was poor. Water and vitamins better. Bed by 11… maybe graded a C+ with room for improvement.

Turn off TV and spend 15 minutes reading before bed. I pledged on Goodreads to read 12 books in 2016 and I am following Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Reading Challenge for added fun. – While I didn’t read much before bed, I do keep my books on my kindle (which is also on my phone) and I read during pockets of the day when I have a chance (like in the car line waiting to pick up kids in school or during the boyis’ speech therapy sessions.) I also discovered the beauty of audio books so I was able to read during quiet moments but could continue the story while I was folding laundry or washing dishes. I’m happy to report that of my pledged 12 books this year, I just finished my 9th book last night. Yay! Some of the books I loved ( Lizzy and Jane & The Painter’s Daughter) and some disappointed me (I’m looking at you, Longbourne.) Next on the list is book #10 – All the Light We Cannot See.
Do my evening recaps in my bullet journal and plan for the next day. – This has been going very well and less stuff is falling through the cracks.

March/ April Mini-Goals

Because of the busy days, I have been making sure to spend a little time each day doing something creative even if it is only for a couple minutes. Sometimes it is simply posting a photo on Instagram. Sometimes it is decorating my bullet journal or making a blog post or writing a letter. It is something that helps me unwind and makes me less stressful so I am more pleasant to my family. (You know the saying – If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.)

In January I practiced improving my doodling by drawing a tiny icon each day. (Well, more like drew 4 icons every 4 days because , you know, life happens.)

In February, as I mentioned in my previous post, I wrote a letter/card/postcard a day for the #incowrimo challenge and I practiced my writing in the #rockyourhandwriting challenge. I had to blog less, because I only have so much free time, but I loved doing it. So this month I will carry on with the habit…

Do a little something creative every day.
Continued basics – water, vitamins, walk at least 20 minutes 5x a week and in bed by 11 on school nights. – I recently got back into the habit of morning walks now that the weather is nicer so I want to follow through on that the next two months.
Eat a timely breakfast every morning. – I’ve gotten into the bad habit of skipping breakfast or waiting way too late to eat it, especially on days when I am out the door with the kids at 7:30 and don’t return until later in the afternoon. I know this isn’t good so I want to work on correcting this bad habit. First thing I need to do is make a batch of my favorite granola. I never skip breakfast when that stuff is around. Or if I’m going to be gone all morning, I have to pack a sandwich or fruit and nuts to eat in the car after dropping off the kids at school.

What about you? What is the one thing that you really want to work on this month? Do share!

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January and February 2016 Goals (and a Review of my Nov/Dec Goals)

By bobbi
January 9, 2016
4 Comments

A new year is full of new possibilities so it was extra fun planning out my goals for January and February of 2016 but before I dive into that, I like to review over the goals of the last time interval – November and December.

My main goals do not change but my mini-goals change depending on the two month interval and what projects I want to complete. So here is a summary of my progress and my mini goals for January/ February 2016.

* * *

Main Goal #1: To always have God at the center of my life and to deepen my love for Him. I want his will to be my will and motivation.

Nov/Dec Mini-Goals Reviewed

Continue with the 15 minutes of prayer in the morning using the Jesse Tree devotion for the first time this Advent. I won an Advent Devotional Book for Women from Jenny at The Littlest Way (Yay! Thanks, Jenny!) so I’ll be using that along with the beautiful new Advent cards from Blessed Is She. – Progress made but it did not go well during Christmas break. It was like I took a break from everything! Prayer was too often hit and miss.
Short exam and Act of Contrition at end of the day. – About 50/50. Needs more work.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals

I’m going to keep at it until I get it down completely.

15 minutes morning prayer.
Short exam and Act of Contrition at end of the day.

* * *

Main Goal #2: To be a loving and holy wife to Brian and to work at keeping our marriage strong, to nurture our friendship and spend time alone to reconnect.

Nov/ Dec Mini-Goals Reviewed

Plan weekly date nights and monthly out of the house dates. Our lives are so centered around the kids and work that we really need to keep this up. It helps out so much I don’t want to it to let it slip away. – We did have our monthly outings but I think a little more effort needs to go into the stay at home dates so it’s more than just plopping on the couch and watching TV together.
Continue to make a conscious effort to thank Brian more when he does something for me or the kids and not just take it for granted. – For the most part, yes.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals

Continue to plan weekly date nights and monthly out of the house dates. Step up the at home date nights so there is more one-on-one and not just passively watching a movie.
Brian works so hard for us, do little things to make his day easier. (ie. Make his lunch or clean out his coffee machine or take out the trash – things that he would normally do.)

* * *

Main Goal #3: To be a good mother that loves her kids and spends time with them and is not always “too busy.” I want to teach them about their faith and how to love and serve God in their young lives.

Nov/Dec Mini-Goals Reviewed

Make an Advent Plan to help us keep our eyes on Christ and not get wrapped up in the materialism and busyness of the season. This year we will be doing the Jesse Tree for the first time and I will pick one (or two) of our other Advent Activities to do with the kids. – It wasn’t perfect but I did relatively well, all things considered.

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals

Use my free morning time to get all my stuff done so I can spend more one-on-one time with the kids during homework time in the afternoon. No computer/phone use in the afternoon.
Work with Andrew as he prepares for his First Reconciliation next month.
More family time activities on the weekend.

* * *

Main Goal #4: To bring order into our home so I am not stressed out by the mess and chaos. When things are organized our family life runs smoother and there is more peace.

Nov/Dec Mini-Goals Reviewed

Make a travel plan for our yearly Fall trip to Disneyland and visiting my family so I can enjoy the trip and be adequately organized. – Done! 🙂
Make a Christmas plan and budget and stick to it so I am not overly stressed and over budget. – I made my plan and stress was greatly reduced. The budget was almost followed?? Okay, the truth is I went over but it was better than some years. So a kinda-win. 😉

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals

I’ve been slacking on my meal planning and going to the store too often so back to weekly meal plans on Sunday.

Spend time on the weekends with Mystie’s Work the Plan course.

The Complete Book of Home Organization: 200+ Tips and Projects by Toni Hammersley

The mess in the house after the holidays has reached fever pitch so we need some serious decluttering and getting rid of things we no longer use. I am joining A Bowl Full of Lemon’s 2016 Home Organization 101 Challenge. Toni has all the info and printables available on her blog but she also has a cool new book (that is gorgeous to look through) with tips and more information to help you complete the challenge. I purchased a copy with an Amazon gift card I had and I can’t wait to dive in! It says we should have an accountability partner. Do you want to join me? I am going to talk about my progress on my Facebook Group RoL’s Operation Clean and Organize.

* * *Main Goal #5 – To take care of myself physically, spiritually and mentally so I can be a happy and healthy wife, mother and friend. Taking care of myself mentally also means challenging myself to come out of my comfort zone and facing my fears and trying new things.

Nov/Dec Mini-Goals Reviewed

Basics – water, vitamins, walk at least 20 minutes and in bed by 11 on school nights. – Water was good. Vitamins good until Christmas break. Slacked. Walking was no bueno, especially with all the rainy days. Bed by 11 was good on school days. Again, during vacation I was in bed well after midnight since I could sleep in a little. Now that January is here the party is over and back to business.
Follow the plan! Don’t do what I FEEL like doing but get the priorities finished. This month’s motto – suck it up and get it done!…with a smile. 😉 – Now that I am using my bullet journal this has really helped with this goal!

Jan/Feb Mini-Goals

Continued basics – water, vitamins, walk at least 20 minutes 5x a week and in bed by 11 on school nights.

Turn off TV and spend 15 minutes reading before bed. I pledged on Goodreads to read 12 books in 2016. I am following Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Reading Challenge for added fun. Here are some books on my 2016 reading list. A couple of them are from last year’s list that I didn’t quite complete.
Do my evening recaps in my bullet journal and plan for the next day.

What about you? What is the one thing that you really want to work on this month? Any thoughts about my goals? Are you doing a reading challenge? Do share!

Word of 2016: Balanced (Motivated by Compassion)

By bobbi
January 8, 2016
4 Comments

For the last couple of years I have been choosing one word or phrase that would be my theme of the new year. In 2013 it was “love God in little things”. In 2014 it was ora et labora (work and pray.) In 2015 it was Be Still.

So what is the word for 2016?? Balanced.

The definition of the word is “keeping or showing a balance; arranged in good proportions.” It reminds me of something someone once told me. They explained that your life is like a table with four legs. Each leg represents the four main aspects of your life – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. When all four areas are balanced, then your table is strong and steady. But when one area is lacking, like a table with a short leg, your life is wobbly and unbalanced.

I need more balance in my life right now, especially after the holidays. I feel like I’ve overindulged in more areas than one. I want to get things back in order but in a realistic and do-able manner. I don’t want my goals to be too far fetched. Instead of saying, “I will lose 50 pounds immediately!” I’ll instead say, “I will return to my daily walking goals and put down the leftover Christmas cookies.” Rather than, “I will dump out all the items in that junk closet and reorganize it before the kids come home from school,” I’ll say, “I’ll spend 15 minutes a day tackling a small organizing project so I am not overwhelmed. Things like that – Balanced.

For my motivation to keep up this balanced way of thinking, I will use the second word that was heavy on my heart – Compassion. It is one thing for me to make a resolution. But it is an entirely other thing for me to actually keep it. I know myself. I get all gung-ho about something and then the novelty wears off and I’m all, “Meh.” However, when there is a strong motivation, it helps me to stay the course. For me, compassion and love are what wins me over. I am a sucker for helping another person out and wanting to do something kind for them. So when I am looking at my budget and am tempted to buy that “must have” item at Target that we really can’t afford, I will think of Brian working hard for our family to provide for us. My compassion for him as a husband and father will be my motivation to step away from the shiny object and move on.

Likewise, when I am at home and complaining about all the stinkin laundry or dirty dishes or the kids that keep interrupting when I am trying to get something done, I will remember that I am their mom. I show my love for my family by keeping a semi-tidy home and I share my love for God by stopping to help my kiddps when they need me. My compassion for them helps me to keep a balanced home life – not always goofing off and not doing my daily duties but also not always so busy that I can’t stop and spend time with my kiddos.

So that’s my word for the year – Balanced, motivated by compassion.

How about you? Did you pick a word for the year? What is it?

Tomorrow I’ll share my goals for January and February. 🙂

November/ December 2015 (Holiday) Goals & A Review of My October Goals

By bobbi
November 9, 2015
5 Comments

It’s officially been a year since I first started to get into the habit of making goals. Those goals have been a big help and I am so thankful for the last year working with Laura Casey’s Powersheets. They were super helpful in making me look deep into myself and see what I wanted out of life, what fears held me back (without even realizing it) and challenged me to reach higher than I thought I could go. They set me on the right track and made goal-making a reality in my life but now I feel like it is time to change things up and work on my goals through a little different process.

As I mentioned before, I am taking Mystie Winckler’s online course Work the Plan. The course technically does not open until January 1st but I was able to get in early when she had early enrollment in September. I’ll post more about the course in the future but one element that I really like is that instead of monthly goals, she recommends “interval” goals lasting 6-9 weeks. She said our smaller goals should run for at least six weeks since it take that long for an act to form into a habit. Makes sense.

She is also helping us to make our yearly goals and break them down into interval goals. (I’ve chosen to make my intervals bi-monthly so I’ll be working on these smaller goals through November and December.) For each interval, we pick 1-3 projects we want to accomplish by the end of it. We list the tasks that we need to do to accomplish these projects. Those tasks will compromise my even smaller weekly and daily goals. Those along with the daily habits I want to work on will keep me busy for the next two months!

I kept my daily habits really simple because I know what the holiday season is like. I am super busy and I’m prone to get super stressed! So I need to just work on the basics – prayer, sleep, vitamins, water, etc because all these just seem to get forgotten when I am going full speed! I am also really trying to be intentional about my time and making sure that I am not wasting it by wandering around aimlessly working on too many things at once and not actually getting anything done. Ugh!

My main big goals do not change but my mini-goals change depending on the areas I need to work on the most. So here is a summary of my progress and my mini goals for November/December.

* * *