31 Days of Gratitude (Day 11): Looking in the Mirror – Flaws vs Beauty of the Soul

By bobbi
October 11, 2016
4 Comments

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It’s Day 11 of the #write31days challenge. My topic is 31 Days of Gratitude. You can see my previous Gratitude posts here.

Want to join the writing challenge but are unable to write everyday? Join me for the Weekly Writing Challenge in October instead.

Now for today’s post…

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This morning I saw a Dove commercial on Facebook and I can’t get it out of my head. It is one from their “real beauty” campaigns. In the video, they show a man a series of photos that contain faces of models. As they look at the photo and describe the model before them, their heart rate is being measured. Towards the end of the photos they are shown women in their lives – a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, etc. As the men describe the beauty of their loved ones their heart rate rose and at times their voices would quiver with emotion. The point of the commercial was to help women develop a positive relationship with the way they look.

I think this commercial stuck in my head because this weekend Brian and I celebrated the 17th anniversary of the day he proposed to me. I thought about how young and in love we were and how just being near him sent my heart racing. I thought about how he would gaze at me and get this “look” that told me that he loved me as much as I loved him.

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Our wedding photographer caught a glimpse of that look on our wedding day. I love the way Brian is looking down at me and I remember seeing all his emotions there in his eyes.

Fast forward almost seventeen years and we’ve been through some amazing times and some rough times. We’ve survived the normal trials of caring for babies and toddlers with its messy days and sleepless nights. We’ve survived family trials, miscarriages, cancer and the death of a loved one. It would have been easy to fall away from each other if not for the grace of God! We are still crazy in love with each other but the years have taken their physical toll. We’ve aged.

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I look in the mirror and for the most part I think, yeah, that’s me and I’m okay with it. But sometimes I look in the mirror and all I can see are the tired eyes, wrinkling skin, double chin and plus size figure. I wonder, “How in the world does my husband still find me attractive?” Yet, despite the flaws and aging, I’ll still see “that look” when he holds me close or when he steals a kiss in the kitchen or when he reaches for my hand when we are out in public. Because of his love for me, he is able to see something in me that I sometimes can’t see in myself.

However, this goes beyond something we experience with our husband. I see it in my children’s eyes when they hug me, kiss me or tell me that “I’m the best mom eber!” I see it in the loving look of a sister or a friend who gives me a hug when they see me and are eager to catch up and talk.

I see the same thing when I look at my friends. When I think of their various qualities, the things that come to mind are these: she can light up the room with her smile, she would drop everything to help a friend in need, she makes me laugh so hard I cry, she listens to you like you are the only one in the room or she is smart and strong and makes me feel like I am capable of the same.

Despite their various shapes, sizes, ages and occupations, I don’t give much thought to those things. It’s their qualities, their strengths and their kindness that makes me love them. Our friendship allows their beauty to shine brighter in my eyes.

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So today, if you are feeling less than beautiful, stop for a moment and see yourself through the eyes of those who love you – a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, a best friend. They see beauty in you. They see someone they enjoy being with and are blessed to have in their lives. Be thankful that God made you uniquely your own person. Be thankful for the qualities that bring beauty to your soul and to the world around you.

Today I am grateful for that reminder.

PS – You can follow RoL on Bloglovin, Feedly or another news feed. If you are a social media fan like me, we can stay in touch through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, GoodReads, Letterboxd, or Spotify, 😉

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25 Acts of Kindness for your Husband

By bobbi
June 10, 2016
4 Comments

In the last post about my Summer Goals, I mentioned that I have been trying to do one act of kindness a day for Brian since he has been working long and stressful hours lately. Debbie left this comment on the post:

I was wondering what some examples of acts of kindness you are doing for your husband. My husband also has long work hours during this time of the year.

Great question! Instead of answering her in the combox, I am answering in this post. Here are 25 suggestions of act of kindness you can do for your hubby. The possibilities are endless and should be tailored to your husband’s personality and likes but this should give you a head start. Some of these I can do any day and at no cost. (Although holding my tongue and watching sports is sometimes painful.) 😉 Others are more “special” and less frequent since they require planning, scheduling and budgeting (like the dinner out or small gift.) However, all have worked well for me and gave a little “feeling-loved” boost to Brian as well.

25 Acts of Kindness for Your Husband

Make his favorite dish for dinner.
Do one of his usual household chores (such as throwing out the garbage or cleaning the toilets.)
Watch a sports game with him.
Let him talk without interrupting him.
Make him his favorite dessert that you both can secretly share while the kids are asleep.
Buy him a little something he’d enjoy – a book from his favorite author or a specialty brewed beer.
Hug him and tell him how much you appreciate him.
Give him possession of the remote and let him pick the show/movie.
Send him a text just to tell him that you love him.
Make him his morning coffee or bring him his favorite drink from the local coffee shop.
Write him an old fashioned love letter telling him how much he means to you.
Keep the kids occupied so he can have some quiet time when he gets home or on the weekend.
Take him out to dinner or order take-out and let him pick the restaurant/food.
Leave a post-it note on the bathroom mirror or in his car telling him something you love about him.
Send him out of the house to go take a walk or grab a cup of coffee alone. (If he’s an extrovert, tell him to go out for pizza or a beer with the guys.)
Wash his car or fill his tank with gas.
Wake up early and make him breakfast.
Have the kids pick up all the toys off the floor before he comes home from work.
Greet him at the front door with a kiss instead of a barrage of complaints about your day.
Hold your tongue when he is loading the dishwasher “wrong” or doing some other activity differently that you do.
Compliment him in front of your kids or your friends.
Thank him for a task you usually take for granted.
Wear his favorite scent and flirt with him or steal a kiss and tell him how much you want him.
Give him a massage (and whatever else comes to mind if you have an NFP “green light” in the bedroom.) 😉
Pray for him.

If you hubby is also a father, Father’s Day is coming up and you could choose a dozen of these to do in the next 10 days and give him a card telling him why he deserves this TLC and how much you appreciate him. Or on Father’s Day give him the list and let him pick out his Top 10 Acts that you will do for him in the coming days. Use your imagination and have fun. 🙂

And one final note, a friend who reads my blog made a comment about how together I am with the things that I post about. I had to tell her that I don’t always have it together and that’s part of the reason why I blog. It helps motivate me and keeps me accountable to you. Case in point – last night I was completely fried after all the days of activity and stress and I got mad at Brian for something stupid and snapped at him. I walked out of the room and fumed at him while I did a late night load of laundry, otherwise the boys would be running around in their skivvies the next day. (A fact that they would love but me, not so much.)

As I loaded the washer, I thought about this very post. What was my act of kindness?? Acting like an arse? Sigh. I wrestled with myself and tried to rationalize that it was not my fault but by the time I closed the washer lid and pressed the ON button I knew I had to apologize for being a tired and stressed out jerk. Thankfully we kissed and made up and all was well again but it’s a constant battle to reign in my craziness. So don’t feel bad if you mess up. We’re all working at it. 😉

Anyway, I’d love more ideas so if you have a suggestion, leave a comment.

2015 Recap (Part 2): 5 Lessons God Taught Me in 2015

By bobbi
December 30, 2015
4 Comments

For other 2015 Recap posts:

2015 Recap (Part 1): Entertainment & Social Media Faves of the Year

2015 Recap (Part 2): 5 Lessons God Taught Me in 2015

2015 Recap & Link-up: 2015 in 12 Photos

2015 Recap (Part 4): Top 10 Posts of 2015

* * *

2015 has been a year of personal growth for me. 2013 and 2014 were years of survival and living with the cross of Brian’s cancer. Now that Brian is cancer free this year, God has been able to spend a little more time teaching me a few things. I’m not exactly the easiest student, being so hard headed and stubborn at times but God’s grace has always been my salvation. And I wouldn’t say that I have these lessons mastered… it’s more like I am aware and working on them.

Here are the highlights.

I Am the Daughter of a King

In April I went to my first alone trip away in decades. I drive down to SoCal to attend the Catholic Women’s Blogging Conference. I was soo excited but as the dates got closer I seriously thought I would not be able to do it since my FIL was not doing well and doubts were filling my mind about meeting friends that have only known me through the screen. What if they meet me and think I’m weird or too old or too fat or too loud or too quiet or too whatever… Normally I am happy and ready to give someone a smile and a hug but sometimes feelings of inadequacy creep in and instead of participating in a group conversation I’ll just smile and nod. My mind will want to respond with a story or something that happened to me and instead I’ll hear a voice that says, “That’s so dumb. No one wants to hear that story. It’s best you just keep quiet.” It doesn’t happen all the time but when it does I feel like an introverted extrovert. So I worried that those negative thoughts would make me spend the weekend sitting quietly in the corner.

I spent Friday meeting up with some favorite bloggers for dinner and a movie. Then on Saturday I attended the first day. I truly had a wonderful day, learned so much and loved meeting other bloggers face to face but by the evening I was not feeling well physically and doubts started creeping up on me again. After the group dinner I called it a night and went to bed.

By Sunday morning I woke up feeling better. As I was taking a shower I was thinking about all the things I had learned on Saturday. I also kept thinking about the movie we watched Friday night – Little Boy. The premise of the whole storyline was the Scripture, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will be able to say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)

God was speaking to my heart, that I may feel as small and insignificant as a tiny mustard seed in the grand scheme of things, but when I put my faith and trust in him, when I let go of fear and choose love, joy and courage, then He can do miraculous things. I may never see them but I can trust that the Holy Spirit will take care of everything. I just need to keep myself docile in His hands.

All weekend I kept hearing the message over and over in my head, “God wants to use your voice. God desires your gifts. You have a special place in God’s plan…” Tears started running down my face. As much as I mess up and despite all my shortcomings, God sees me as his beautiful daughter. He sees someone made in his image. He sees what I could accomplish if only I’d let go of the chains that bind me down. It is hard to see myself like that but God is slowly peeling back the layers. He is showing me the rotten that needs to be cut out and the good that needs to be nurtured so it can bloom. It is scary as all hell but also liberating! Blessed be God. 🙂

To read the full post about my weekend, visit here.

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Listen to the Holy Spirit When He Nudges You

I remember many years ago listening to a priest give a talk about the Holy Spirit. He said that the HS will often prompt us to do something, usually to help another person. Maybe something will pop into your head, such as – I should give so-and-so a call or I should offer that lady in the grocery story some help or I should tell that struggling young mom at school that despite what she may feel, she is doing an awesome job. The priest said that often these kind of things comes from the Holy Spirit. It really made me think about how we are Jesus’ hands and feet. We are the ones who are called to share his love with others.

There are many times when I get these kind of ideas in my head. My first reaction is, “Yes! That would really be a kind thing to do.” My second reaction is to think, “Yeah, but I’m kinda busy or that person is going to think I’m crazy if I go up and talk to them.” I either procrastinate so long that the opportunity is gone or I just plain chicken out. Lately, I’ve been trying to listen to this little prompts in my head. I do a quick “test” of the action. Will it cause me harm? That eliminates prompts like, “Maybe I should pick up that scary looking hitchhiker on the side of the road.” Um, no. Is it safe and doesn’t take me away from my immediate duties? For example, I think I should bring over soup to a sick friend but I have to pick up my kids from school. Instead I make plans to bring the soup after I pick them up. Other spur of the moments ideas can be done right away – like offering a word of encouragement to someone. The only thing I may harm is my pride if I am rebuffed.

For example, on Mother’s Day we were at Mass and we had the usual mothers’ blessing. All the moms were asked to stand up and after the priest blessed us the ushers went around and handed us little angel pins as a gift. I noticed that there was one older mom/grandma standing on the opposite side of the aisle from me that was mistakenly overlooked. I felt bad for her and thought that I should go over there and give her my pin. My mind answered, “Wait, what? I can’t just walk over to a stranger. She’s not going to care about some pin. That’s silly.” But the thought would not go away so as soon as the priest walked passed me during the procession, I went over to her and told her that I noticed she didn’t get a pin and I didn’t want her to think she was forgotten so please take mine. She said she didn’t want to take mine but I told her not to worry because there are more in the back of church and I’ll get another. She looked at me and smiled and then gave me a big hug and said thank you. (I’m getting teary eyed just recalling that look on her face.) It was the simplest of gestures but for that woman, it was what she needed to hear just then. So the next time you get a little prompt from the Holy Spirit, take it to heart. God may need you to be his hands and feet at that moment.

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No Matter How Long You’ve Been Married, There Is Always Something to Learn

In February I wrote a post about 15 Lessons I’ve learned over the 15 years Brian and I have been married. (Make that 16 now since it was our anniversary on Monday!) Of those 15 lessons I wrote about, this one hit home the closest.

Don’t expect your hubby to read your mind.

I think this is my favorite lesson learned because I needed it so bad! I had the attitude that if Brian really knew me, I shouldn’t have to say what was on my mind. He should just pick it up. Maybe it’s a female thing but I think we women are able to perceive things without words being spoken. I expect Brian to be the same way and while there are moments when he and I can look at each other and read the other person’ mind, when it comes to ins and outs of life, I need to spell it out. For example, when I would get mad or upset about something he’d try to comfort me and it only made me madder. (Yeah, my mom calls him a saint because he’s married to me.) I finally told him straight out, “When I am mad, please leave me alone. Don’t talk to me. Don’t touch me. Just let me be. Then when you see that I’ve cooled off, please hug me and give me your comfort. At that point, your hug makes all the world right again.” He said okay and started doing just that. Since then it works like a charm! Likewise, it used to be that when I was overwhelmed and needed his help, I’d huff and puff and stew inside because he would not come over and help me automatically. Finally, I learned to just say, “Sweetheart, (or “hey!”) I need some help. Can you (fill-in-the-blank) for me. He was always more than willing to help, I just had to ask.

To read the other 14 lessons, click here.

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How to Live A Life of Gratitude

When Blessed Is She asked me to write a post about gratitude for Thanksgiving, I was excited since I just spent October writing 31 days of posts about gratitude. I had so much to be grateful for and I wanted to share with others ways that help me to cultivate gratitude in my life.

Many of the ways are obvious but I have always struggled with being grateful when things are going wrong or when I am carrying a heavy cross. This was a lesson that God has been teaching me for awhile but it really started making sense recently. Here is a snippet of the post Living A Life of Gratitude that appeared at Blessed Is She.

God Can Take It

There will be times in life when we are carrying a cross so heavy that gratitude feels out of our reach. I experienced this when Brian had cancer two years ago. There were days when the last thing I wanted to do was to be thankful. The love of my life was undergoing surgery and chemo and thoughts of his possible death wouldn’t leave the back of my mind. Besides worrying about him, I had the added stress of caring for the kids and the household by myself.

There were moments when I just wanted to shake my fists at God and yell at Him for letting this happen. I remember my mom telling me to ahead and have it out with God. She said to yell into my pillow and get it out of me. Afterwards I was to pick myself up, take a deep breath and leave it at His feet because I had work to do and couldn’t let myself get sucked into a 24/7 pity party. I followed her advice. After I let it go and surrendered myself, God showed my heart all the moments that He was taking care of me. He showed me how family and friends pulled together to help us in countless ways. He showed me “coincidences” that made our cross a little easier to carry. Suddenly I was realizing that I had so much to be grateful for. He had not abandoned me, rather, he was giving me, Brian and the kids all the things necessary to get through this crisis. (Thankfully, we got through the crisis and Brian is well now.)

To read the rest of the post, click here.

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A Change in Perspective Turns the Mundane Moments into a Blessed Life

If you read my Christmas letter, then you already know this lesson. It is easy to look around and think that you aren’t accomplishing much in comparison to others or that a mom’s life is anything but glamorous. However, with a change of perspective, I can see that all those mundane moments are actually proof of what a blessed life I have.

What did this year look like?

There were countless dishes in the sink and laundry that multiplied when I was not looking. However, it meant that we had food to eat and warm clothes on our back.

There were the usual toys, markers and Legos on the floor that required Jedi like reflexes not to damage your feet when walking barefoot. However, there were also proud moments when a child showed me what he built or the picture she drew and their creativity gave me a glimpse at their burgeoning talents.

There were incredibly loud noise levels reached when all three boys (and their father) had light saber battles or played football in the hallway. However, the sound of their giggles and contagious laughter couldn’t help but make me smile.

There was the driving – so much driving – to and from school, picking up kids on three different school schedules and the countless after school appointments and activities. However, there were those moments when a child saw me after school and his face lit up as he ran to me with open arms yelling, “Mommy!” It melted my heart every time.

There were meals to cook, toilets to scrub, work to be done, family to visit and deadlines to meet. However, I was paid above and beyond when a daughter placed her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder, when a father-in-law kissed my cheek and thanked me for visiting him, when a reader sent a note of thanks or when my husband told me he loved me (even when I knew I drove him crazy at times.) Those are the moments that make life seem not mundane but blessed. Those are the rewards that make my heart light and give me strength when I am tired. Those are the times when I ask God to forgive my selfishness and for taking things for granted. That’s when I ask for the grace of gratitude.

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What lessons had God taught you this year?? Do share!

31 Days of Gratitude (Day 8): On This Date 16 Years Ago…

By bobbi
October 8, 2015
8 Comments

The 31 Day of Writing Challenge continues. It’s Day 8 of my 31 Days of Gratitude 2015.

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On this day sixteen years ago, I drove to the Ontario, CA airport and waited impatiently for Brian’s flight to come in from Monterey. Living over 400 miles apart from each other had been trying, to say the least, but today I was filled with excitement, anticipation and a little nervousness. This was the weekend Brian was going to officially propose to me. It may seem unromantic that we had to “plan” our engagement since we were so far from one another but I couldn’t care less. I just wanted to be engaged to the man I loved and I didn’t care about convention.

As I saw Brian walk over to me, I ran to him and melted in his arms. All was right with the world once again. We stopped to get a bite to eat (I still have the Claim Jumper receipt in my scrapbook) 😉 and talked excitedly. The original plan was to wait until Saturday. Brian wanted to ask my parents for my hand (so sweet) and then we’d go off by ourselves. But the more we talked, the more we couldn’t even wait until the next day. The evening had passed quickly and he asked me if my parents would still be up when we got to my house. I decided to give them a call from the restaurant. (These were the olden days when we didn’t have cell phones. I had to find a pay phone. Crazy.) I called my mom and she assured me that she and my dad would be up when we got there so we grabbed out To Go boxes and headed out the door.

(Brian and I met online. This is when we first met in person.)

Brian was nervous to talk to my parents but I told him to relax since they loved him. (Heck, I think my mom was ready to get down on one knee and beg him to marry me. She loved the guy!!) We got to my house and after hugs and pleasantries were exchanged we sat down at the kitchen table and Brian made his little speech. Tears flowed and more hugs were given until Brian and I stepped outside into the backyard. It was a cool and starry night and Brian held my hand and walked me over to a little section of trees. He knelt down on one knee and started to tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. He said he couldn’t promise me an easy life but he promised to always be faithful to me, to love me and do all he could to help me and our future children live a life with God’s kingdom as our goal.

My heart was so full of emotion (I’m crying again just reliving it) I could barely comprehend everything that he was saying to me. Thank God, the writer in him actually penned all the words of his proposal. Later he was going to throw away his scraps of paper but I begged him to let me keep them in my scrapbook for days like today, when I want to look back and remember the words of love he spoke to me.

Brian’s right. It hasn’t always been easy but what life ever is? Sure, the years of infertility, miscarriages and more recently Brian’s cancer, his father’s stroke and the daily stress of family life were crosses we had to (or are working to) overcome. However, all the small (and big) moments of love and laughter that we share together overshadow and dwarf the hard times.They are not what first comes to mind when I think about our life together.

For all these moments, the good and the bad, over the last sixteen years I am grateful because they filled me with love and strengthened my faith. For the man who always seems to be giving, I am most grateful. To God, who gave me such a blessing, “thank you” seems inadequate but my heart is too full to say more…

xoxo,

Learning to Love: 15 Marriage Lessons in 15 Years

By bobbi
February 15, 2015
20 Comments

I am working on another marriage post with guest writers that I’ll be posting later this month, but in the meantime, I wanted to join Mary over at Better Than Eden for Learning Love: A Lesson A Year in Marriage.

Brian and I have been married for 15 years.

Here are 15 lessons I’ve learned so far.

* * *

~ 1 ~

It’s okay if you don’t feel in love all the time.

Let’s face it, the honeymoon time of marriage is great. You are over the moon in love and everything your spouse does is sweet. Even his quirks are endearing. However, as the years go by and the kids start coming, you find yourself off your honeymoon high. Those endearing quirks now drive you up the wall and you won’t always “feel” in love. That’s okay. As you mature in your love, you realize that love also means the cross – sacrifice and giving of yourself to your beloved.

~ 2 ~

The grace of God can get you through anything.

God has been giving me overtime in this lesson lately. The crosses of life can rip your marriage apart or bond you and your spouse closer together. This is where your mutual faith and trust in God will help you to endure both the small, everyday crosses and the heavy life changing crosses. When a couple humbly kneels before God, figuratively and literally, they receive the grace to live out their marriage vocation together. God will not abandon you, even when things seem darkest. Brian and I had to learn not lash out at one another or close ourselves off from each other. Instead, hand-in-hand we face life’s mess.

~ 3 ~

Marriage gets better as the years go by.

There were times in our marriage when we were going through difficult seasons of life and I wondered if we’d ever share that same happiness of the early years. It took some work (focusing on the lessons listed) but I have found that you can find that happiness and keep the honeymoon alive, so to speak, many years later.

~ 4 ~

The sex gets better too.

Likewise, in the bedroom, as you learn to be more vulnerable and open with your spouse, you become more in sync and you are more comfortable with each other and can laugh and have fun. You realize that he really doesn’t care about the physical flaws that bug you, he thinks you looks great and just wants to be with you. You also learn what makes you and your spouse tick and you can express yourself more fully, which bonds you more intimately. (Okay, was that vague enough not to make my mom blush?) 😉

~ 5 ~

Be playful and flirty.

This one will have to be adjusted according to your personality but remember how it was when you were dating? It was easy to laugh together and have fun. You enjoyed each others company and you had a hard time keeping your hands off of each other. Keep those moments alive. Laugh together. Send him a text telling him you are thinking about him. Steal a kiss in the kitchen. Whisper something the kids shouldn’t hear into his ear. Let him know that you still find him attractive and that you still desire him. It definitely helps keep the romance alive.

~ 6 ~

Go on dates together without the kids.

This is tough when you have young ones but it really makes a big difference when you have time alone together. You can plan date nights at home after the kids are in bed but try to have an outside- the-house date at least once a month. If you don’t have a regular babysitter or family close by, try bartering babysitting time with another fmaily. They babysit your kids one night and you babysit there’s another night.

~ 7 ~

Lift him up. Don’t tear him down.

This is one I still struggle with. There are too many times when I want to treat Brian like he is my 5th kid. I’ll unintentionally patronize him or correct him like I am his mother or I’ll make a comment that implies that I am more capable or knowledgeable about something. I really have to make an effort to shut my mouth and let him be. Instead, I try to lift him up and acknowledge when he does something well. I show him that I have confidence in him and that he is capable of great things.

~ 8 ~

Learn to say thank you.

Along with lifting up my hubby, I try to thank Brian for the things he does around the house that usually go unnoticed. Whether it is a kiss for throwing out the trash or wiping down a bathroom sink or a little love note in his lunch that says thank you for working so hard to provide for the family. Learning to say thank you and being grateful also helps curbs the tendency to complain. (Not that I would know anything about that.)

~ 9 ~

Do little acts of kindness that show him that you love him.

It can be something really simple like making his favorite meal, even though you may not like it. (I’m looking at you, Moroccan soup.) Or getting his coffee ready when he is running late or picking up his dry cleaning so he can come home early that evening. These little things let him know that you love and appreciate him.

~ 10 ~

Don’t keep tabs or compare.

It is easy to be resentful when you start to keep a mental tally in your head of all the things you do for the family in comparison to what he does. There will always be times when one spouse does more than the other but it usually always balances out. When Brian was sick with cancer, I was running the household but when I was pregnant or dealing with a newborn, he ran the house. It’s also easy to think he is out having “fun” at work while I am at home taking care of little ones. Meanwhile, he wishes he was home with the family instead of dealing with annoying customers and difficult deadlines. If each of us are giving and appreciating the other, there won’t be any tabs.

~ 11 ~

Your way is not always the right way.

From the way he burps the baby to the way he loads the dishwasher, wives have long held that their way is the better way, myself included. The sooner we accept that our husband has his own way of doing things the better off we will be. As long as he is not causing anyone harm (like leaving a kid unattended in the bathtub or something) then just look the other way and let him do it. Even if your way or arranging dishes is better, just let it be. The dishes are getting washed and that’s all that matters.

~ 12 ~

Don’t expect your hubby to read your mind.

~ 13~

Give your hubby the benefit of the doubt.

This goes hand-in-hand with # 12. While I was stewing and wonderingd why Brian could not see that I was in need of help. Or I wondered why he could not figure out why I was upset with him. I’d think, “We’ve been married for 15 years? How can he not know me by now?” When we are mad, we can think of all kinds of crazy motives

for our husband’s behavior. We’ll sometimes assume the worse when in reality there was a simple explanation or it really wasn’t a big deal. If you give your husband the benefit of the doubt that he did not mean to hurt you, you can start to see the situation from his perspective. It’s not always easy but it makes for less heart ache in the long run.

~ 14 ~

Realize that you are no saint and say you’re sorry.

It’s true that we are all working towards sainthood (or should be) but the majority of us are far from it. When you are angry with your husband, think about your own faults and shortcomings. Think of all the things he has to put up with you. When you stop looking at his faults and start focusing on your own, you see that neither of you is perfect. Don’t be too proud to say “I’m sorry” first. Ask for God’s grace to bring peace back into your home.

~ 15 ~

Pray for your spouse (and yourself.)

No one knows better than a husband and wife, just how hard marriage can be. You need God’s grace to not only survive but to thrive and be happy in your marriage. Pray for your spouse every day. He is like a soldier going off to battle each day, trying to be a man of God in a godless world. He needs your prayers and love to lift him up and strengthen him. Likewise, ask Our Lord to help you be a good wife to your husband. The tone of your home life is governed by your attitude. (Hence the saying, ‘If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”) You are the heart of your home and your love for your spouse (and children) are capable of making a little piece of heaven in on earth. 🙂

How about you? What is your top lesson of marriage that you’ve learned so far?

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Revolution of Love

Do small things with great love.

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