I was thinking about yesterday’s post this morning and it got me to thinking about suffering in general. There are various degrees but whether you are suffering from infertility, the loss of a child, the death of your husband or any number of things, there seems to be a point where you are able to lift your eyes and see that you are not the only one suffering.
A friend struggling with infertility told me about a book she was reading about a Japanese woman who was persecuted for her faith – they tortured her and her 3 yr old child. Despite the horrors she faced, she kept her faith saying, “Remember that life on earth is very short and eternity is very long.” It brought to mind friends who have suffered tremendous loss – a newly married friend whose husband was accidentally killed while she was pregnant with their first child, another friend whose mom was brutally raped and murdered, and an acquaintance who suffered eight miscarriages in a row. They could not comprehend why God allowed these things. The internal anguish was acute but they relied on God’s grace and only He was able to bring them through it.
This was a tremendous example to me. I don’t think the pain of loss ever fully goes away but it helped when God’s grace allowed me to take the focus off of myself and realize that there are many who suffer, and suffer greater than I do. After some time, I finally reached a point of saying, “Ok God, you obviously have a different plan for me right now, so what are you asking of me?” And He let me know. There was work for me to do while I was single (looking for a husband,) childless (praying for a baby,) parent of one (missing my miscarried babies) etc. It was difficult but God used these opportunities to bring me out of myself so I could stop focusing on only what I wanted from God and start focusing on the larger picture (eternity) and asking God what did He want of me?
Dealing with Infertility, Miscarriage and Suffering in General – Part II
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Bobbi, I will admit it, but after being married for a year, trying to get pregnant for a year, and not being able to get pregnant once, I’ve felt like giving up. I sort of slacked off on the Creighton charting, trying to find a Catholic pro-life doctor, ect.
One thing I have been consistent with was praying the rosary. Whenever I prayed it (often in tears) I felt comfort, hope, and peace. It has really helped me.
Last week after praying the rosary I felt God was telling me “Maria, you need to find a good pro-life Doctor who can help you.” and “Maria you haven’t tried diet and exercise yet. You really need to stop drinking sugary drinks and sugary foods.” Yes, it’s true I haven’t tried everything. I remember another friend who has PCOS telling me when she recommended the low carb diet she was on that “she is doing what she can and letting God doing the rest.”
So today feeling more encouraged and hopeful, I took some steps. I contacted my Creighton Model long distance teacher to set up our next appointment, I will be writing a letter to the Pope Paul Institute and sending them my chart within the next couple of weeks, and trying to find a good pro-life Catholic doctor. The most difficult thing will be the diet and exercise especially giving up the Pepsi and sugary foods. I love Pepsi, chocolate, and sugary foods. Unfortunately so does my Mom and she has diabetes two. My guess is that if I don’t try to eat more healthy and lose weight, I will become diabetic too.
I think the reason why I haven’t tried to find a Catholic pro-life doctor yet is because I’m afraid they will give me more bad news. I was devastated in February when I had surgery and they diagnosed me with severe endometriosis, adhesions, and two endometriomas on my ovaries. The doctor “cleaned” me up, but I think it’s coming back because my periods are pretty painful, I feel pain near my ovaries again, and it lasts for a couple of days after my period is finished. Not fun.
Yes, I’ve come to the realization that I really need to stop trying to treat myself with vitamins and herbs ect., but find a good pro-life Catholic doctor. I believe the only way I will be able to get pregnant is 1) A miracle from God (We are praying for a miracle!) and 2) Medical intervention. I do not believe anymore that we will be able to get pregnant on our own.
The thing that bothers me about finding a doctor is that all the secular doctors seem to want to treat the endometriosis with prescribing birth control and powerful drugs like Lupron which will put you in menopause. I asked the pastor from the church I grew up with about being prescribed birth control for endometriosis and he told me that it was okay. The next day my husband and I attended Mass at the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate in our city, took note that one of the Priest who started the order (Sometimes he is featured on EWTN) was serving at Mass, and we asked to speak to him after Mass. We asked this Fransciscan Friar the same question and he told us “No.” We both agree with him.
Please pray that we can find a good pro-life Catholic doctor trained in the Creighton Model who can help us 1) Treat the endometriosis and 2) Help us to be able to have a child. May I please ask for prayers for a miracle??
Bobbi, I really miss sending you snail mail. I need to write you a nice letter soon! I am praying for you and your family and everyone here dealing with infertility, miscarriage, and suffering.
My best advice is: Trust God, have faith, keep persevering, and pray the rosary. May I recommend a daily rosary and offering up the infertility, pain and suffering to Jesus in reparation for sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, conversion of sinners, and for others suffering from infertility too.
Would anyone like to start an infertility rosary group and pray for one another? Anybody need a rosary or St. Gianna prayer card? Anybody need a diet/exercise buddy? Please email me. I’d love to hear from you!
My email is: prayrosary4life@aol.com
May God Bless you Bobbi and family and everyone who visits ROL.
Love,
Maria In Mass
YES!!! Am struggling a lot with my infertility. 5yrs……. never been on the Pill or anything. 5yrs. I’m so depressed about it. Pls do pray 4 me also, Maria
God bless u
Sarah