It is a little ironic that a couple hours after posting about my weekend trip and sharing how it helped to heal the pain of the loss of my father-in-law, there has been a new cross presented to my family. I guess God wanted to make sure we had a wonderful time in each others company before we climbed the next mountain together.
If you may recall, I mentioned that my mom hasn’t been feeling well. She had her doctor’s appointment this week and the situation is much worse than we anticipated. She has cancer. The doctor couldn’t confirm it 100% but he was pretty sure it was cervical cancer and that “it looked bad.” This was a blow to all of us. I have already walked this road with Brian and don’t relish traveling it again with my mom. MY MOM.
I think I have been in denial since I heard the news. I have not cried yet. I have held strong for the kids who asked me if Grandma was going to die like Opa. I held it together so I could talk coherently with my mom and my many siblings. I haven’t let myself really think about it or I’d go crazy but now in the quiet of the house with Brian at work and the kids at school the tears can’t be held back… They are falling faster than I can type these words…
I don’t want my mom to have to walk this road, and more selfishly, I don’t want to lose my mom. She is such a rock and source of strength to me, I can’t imagine a time when that has to change.
With Mother’s Day approaching, I can’t help but think about mom and how she has shaped my life. She had a rough childhood and made mistakes in the early years of raising us up but she wasn’t content to repeat the vicious circle of dysfunctional families. She surrendered herself to the healing power of God’s grace and corrected her mistakes, and with my dad, raised up a family with a strong faith and love of God. She is now enjoying the fruits of her labor with children that are carrying on the faith and expanding the family tree – particularly with 4 new grandbabies within one year.
I admire my mom so much. I gave her a lot of grief and heart ache in my pain-in-the-arse years but she never gave up on me. She taught me to trust in God and believe in myself with God’s grace. She taught me that life is too boring without a little fun and a lot of laughter. She taught me about inner strength because she is the strongest woman I know. She has faced fears and kept going forward even when she was unsure of the way. And she did it without losing her sense of humor.
As I am typing this, I am also realizing that what I admire about my mom is going to be what gets her through this trial. Her faith, her trust in God, her courage to move forward even when she is scared and her sense of humor will serve as the very tools she needs to fight this battle. Now I just pray that we as her family have the strength to trust in God completely and walk this road with her.
I keep thinking about this morning’s Blessed Is She devotion. One quote is stuck in my head.
“The Lord’s Ascension means that Christ has not gone far away from us, but that now, thanks to the fact that he is with the Father, he is close to each one of us forever.” – Pope Benedict XVI
“He is close to each one of us forever.” I’ll be repeating those words over and over reminding myself that Our Lord is right by our sides, holding our hands and never leaving us.
Normally, my mom is very private and has reservations about posting personal business online for all to see (as you can deduce, that gene must have skipped me) but when I asked her if I could ask my online friends to pray for her she said, “Definitely, yes!” She wants as many people praying for her as she can get. So, please keep my mom (and our family) in your prayers. She is scheduled to have a biopsy taken tomorrow – Friday, 5/6/16 – and then we’ll know how bad (or not so bad) the cancer is. I’ll update this post when we get the results.
Thanks, guys. You have always been there to support me when tough times have hit us and it means a great deal to me. xoxo
UPDATE: My mom had the biopsy on Friday and we will get the results on Tuesday. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you or the continued prayers.
UPDATE #2: My mom’s biopsy confirmed that she has cancer and it looks aggressive. She will take another cat scan on Sunday, feast of Pentecost, to check if it has gone into lymph nodes. We will know more next week. We both thank you for all your prayers!!
UPDATE #3 (Dec 2016): My mom had surgery in late June and the cancer was removed. So far there are no signs of cancer. She will continue to be monitored.
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